Aw...fudge. You beat me to it, Mr. Atwater. I madly went scrolling down to post, ebullient with snarky merriment, only to find my joke starring back at me.

Curses...foiled again. (Muttley snickers)

Every guy names his pecker.

Ok...yours is named Margarita. I get it. :)

I'm sorry. I can resist it any longer...Up-thread someone opined "porn shouldn't be on Disney."

Do you know why Mickey divorced Minnie? She was f*cking Goofy.

Every one a Maserati.

Gladiatorial proselytizing. It will make us pine for the days when they just stood on the sidewalk bellowing at you.

You mean beside you and I? Probably not. The sad thing is that no one will care about the whales, even after they're "researched" to extinction.

I personally believe they chose to go out with a whale's version of Heaven's Gate, rather than hang around and get butchered by the Japanese "research" fleet.

That would make Theo a Hexalianist.

Theo loves to give extreme, yet illuminating examples of what the ethical differences are between us and why we have a tendency to vote in predictable patterns. He evidently considers a person born with that affliction beneath his contempt and resorts to using this puerile predilection for crass straw man posturing in a vain attempt to count some nebulous coup on "libs." Tell me, Theo...what prize did you win? I mean...thalidomide jokes are such a rich vein of comedy gold, aren't they?

Watch. He'll come along later, flag his own post as "funny" and spend the rest of the evening snickering and stuffing his face with Cheetos waiting for more troll feeders from our side of the corral to come along and enable him with a response.

To answer some of the queries as to why the gentleman was in the habit of packing a hog leg to a nightclub, the apartment complex I live in has a companion building right next to it that shares a common driveway and parking. I've lived in this neighborhood for over 15 years and I've never had a real concern about robberies or property theft living here until an LA Clipper moved into the building next to us. He immediately couldn't keep a shiny black Escalade in his carport longer than a month, and the gossip amongst the dog walkers and old hands at the local post office was that an eye-opening amount of apartments and cars were being broken into. He finally had to resort to consulting a security company to do a threat assessment after his sixth car was stolen. The final straw was when he was held up at gunpoint climbing out of his SUV after driving home from a home game. Rumor was he ponied up big money to have the security company find him a secure place to live where no one knew who he was--somewhere he didn't feel compelled to carry a gun with him where ever he went. I would think choosing a higher caliber of friends to hang out with would probably helped him considerably.

A short month or so after he moved, all the crime around here almost immediately stopped. Public sports figures are ripe targets for those feral, parasitic members of our species that think its the height of machismo to live off the labor of others.

Wow! King phreaks commin' out of the woodwork. I've always thought they should remake that novel, but this time with a real budget and A-listers. I bet some clever screenwriters could bust that novel into a two--maybe three movies ala the seventh Harry Potter novel. With Jack Nicholson or Harry Dean Stanton as Randall Flagg.

When we poop, people listen.

I, for one, am not real pleased that our aircraft are poaching in another sovereign nation's airspace, let alone expending ordinance on questionably-vetted targets. That's how mission creep is born. I don't believe this planet has the time or natural resources left to it to be spending so much of our meager inheritance funding these ever-escalating pissing contests. I'll bet we're the most well-armed planet in the universe.

"Having gone where no man had gone before (and where no man should ever have gone), the Bush Administration prepares its departure for a safe haven, a place somewhere in the universe where up is down, wrong is right, he is admired, and they are all safe from criminal prosecution."

If that's the mission statement, they should rechristen it the USS Venezuela.

Ok...Bush is Kirk
Uhura is Rice
Spock? (it's hard to picture Cheney in Vulcan drag)
Bones? (Rove, but keep him away from the honey wagon or he'll give wardrobe fits)
Scotty?

Star Trek caption...

"The odds around the yard are 10 to 1 that Kirk wrecks this one too."

I thought I won the Name BLT contest. Although...I'm not in a real hurry to get my prize in the mail, as I'd be a little skittish to open it without dunking it in water first.

Arrived? Sparky, you never got on the bus.

Naw...lard.

Say what you will about the Israelis, but they do take care of their own and probably got the job done most ricky-tick.

How about some shopping stories. Any observations as to what people are buying this year? I was in Best Buy yesterday and it was packed with anxious shoppers pondering how much they could afford to float on their already-stretched bank cards.

Perhaps I should count myself lucky that there were no gang-related shooting incidents while I was there.

It looks like the "base" is up to something. Then again, the "base" is always up to something, especially now with all that feverish heavy lifiting ahead of them to pave the way for the ascent of St. Sarah.

If all your base are belong to us, I'm not sure I would really like to take responsibility for a special bus full of Disney Christians. Too much whining and passive/aggressive posturing.

I'm steeling myself to face the Black Friday mob at Best Buy this morning. My old tower died a spectacular death late Tuesday night (the sparks out the fan vent even made the carpet smolder). I bought a new computer on Wednesday, only to discover that Windows computers no longer come standard with a parallel port. My ancient Brother scanner/2400dpi laser printer does not have a USB port in the back and I'm not going to spend another $130 for a parallel port card on top of the obscene amount I paid for the CPU. It's partly my fault for not checking the specs before putting the box on the cart, but then there was the problem of rescuing the data on the old drive, so I took my old tower to a pal and we replaced the power supply and the one memory chip it fried when it went south, took a can of air to all the fans on the CPU and my old clunker fired right back up, all for under $100.

I even managed to sweet talk the customer relations operator on the phone into waving the 15% restocking fee. I'm not going to pay $75 bucks to take an item back to the store. I really liked the new computer, but I can think of numerous other things that $400 could be better spent on.

"...she's a clown with tired act ..."

She needs to work on her balloon animal skills. A name change would be in order, as well. Milfy the Clown might work well at some rowdy beltway bachelor party kegger, but for a soiree at the Rose Garden she'll need a less apt moniker. And a little one-on-one with a speech therapist might help allieviate that cat-killing white-bread Fran Dresher aspect of her voice.

"Just a ploy to stur (sic) the pot."

Care to elaborate, or are you just passing gas?

Aw, terrific...another poor loser with nothing to say taking his Rush-given entitlement issues for a little stroll. Who said anything about Babs' ability to pay for the procedure? You were so desperate to stink up the place with a Michelle Obama deflection--yet you had no idea how foist it on us. And like the swallows returning to Capistrano, you resorted to the trusty "illegals & deadbeats" angle. Golf clap...well played.

You need to step up your snark game. You're not even JV material.

"Give Merv technology to the Chinese."

And his ghost leans forward, and putting his hand under his chin...and says "facinating!"

If there's sugar, there's bound to be dentists.

Whew! I thought they were talking about not-Jenna. I knew she drank, but enough to melt a hole in her stomach? Chip off the old block, methinks.

Then I learn its Ol' Babs they're talking about. It figures...all that bile inevitably caught up with her.