The soft drink company PepsiCo has offered an unusual defense against a lawsuit by a man who claims he found a dead mouse in a can of Mountain Dewa. The company's lawyers argued the claim can't possibly be true, because Mountain Dew would have dissolved the mouse and turned into a "jelly-like substance" if it had been in the can of soda for 15 months after it was bottled. "Is Mountain Dew really so corrosive that it can dissolve a mouse carcass?" asks MSNBC. "And if so, what does it do to your teeth and intestines?"
The Onion: With its firm grounding in honesty, loyalty to friends, and a strong spirit of generosity, the asinine ethical code of Kevin Premus has cost the 42-year-old idiot millions of dollars over the years, reports confirmed Friday. "It's as though he's operating under some kind of intangible but deep-seated conviction that being a fair, decent human being is somehow more valuable than making a quick buck," said Stanford University sociologist Anya Arneson said. Estimates indicate the dimwit could have amassed a net worth of $4.8 million dollars by his 40th birthday if he had simply been a cutthroat prick all his life.
...most Catholic schools in urban areas have waiting lists ...
#5 | POSTED BY VERNON
Are you high? They can't close them fast enough in Philly.