Drudge Retort: The Other Side of the News
Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Alabama investigators say a man kept a caged "attack squirrel" in his apartment and fed it methamphetamine to ensure it stayed aggressive.

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They won't let me imbed the image, because Satan. But that is the cutest squirrel you ever saw, despite the glowing red eyes and the way it glares at you with total hatred.

That is so cute.

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Police-overreach. Plain and simple. That squirrel was too cute to be arrested.

#1 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2019-06-19 04:00 AM | Reply

Can't we just arrest Man-eating squirrels? Hell, how about black squirrels? That's justice, right?

#2 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2019-06-19 04:02 AM | Reply

Please tell me the squirrel was name Sandy Cheeks.

#3 | Posted by SLBronkowitz at 2019-06-19 07:23 AM | Reply

TIM: There he is!

ARTHUR: Where?

TIM: There!

ARTHUR: What, behind the squirrel?

TIM: It is the squirrel.

ARTHUR: You silly sod!

TIM: What?

ARTHUR: You got us all worked up!

TIM: Well, that's no ordinary squirrel!

ARTHUR: Ohh.

TIM: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

ROBIN: You ---! I soiled my armor I was so scared!

TIM: Look, that squirrel's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

GALAHAD: Get stuffed!

TIM: He'll do you up a treat, mate.

GALAHAD: Oh, yeah?

ROBIN: You mangy Scots git!

TIM: I'm warning you!

ROBIN: What's he do, nibble your bum?

TIM: He's got huge, sharp-- eh-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!

ARTHUR: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!

BORS: Right! Silly little bleeder. One squirrel stew comin' right up!

TIM: Look!

[squeak]

BORS: Aaaugh!

[dramatic chord]

[clunk]

ARTHUR: Jesus Christ!

TIM: I warned you!

#4 | Posted by MUSTANG at 2019-06-19 07:37 AM | Reply | Newsworthy 3

Why is it that I suspect the squirrel was smarter than the suspect?

#5 | Posted by danni at 2019-06-19 10:55 AM | Reply

Faces of Meth:

Faces of Meth

#6 | Posted by pumpkinhead at 2019-06-19 10:59 AM | Reply

Police-overreach. Plain and simple. That squirrel was too cute to be arrested.

#1 | POSTED BY HELIUMRAT

It's rare when we agree but today it happened.

A man has every right to defend his home. If there was ever a time for a Constitutional Amendment, now is that time.

The lost 11th Amendment to the Bill of Rights: "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Attack Squirrels, shall not be infringed."

Rumor has it the paperwork for this Amendment was lost by Ben Franklin due to his obsession with the Turkey. He never did like competition. Like the 27th Amendment, it's time this was ratified even if its 200 years later.

#7 | Posted by Sycophant at 2019-06-19 11:25 AM | Reply | Funny: 1

#4 | POSTED BY MUSTANG GT

You beat me to it.

#8 | Posted by JeffJ at 2019-06-19 11:34 AM | Reply

So a black guy reaching for a cell phone makes cops fear for their lives and shoot him 55 times but a white guy with a methed up attack squirrel is ok?

#9 | Posted by hatter5183 at 2019-06-19 12:44 PM | Reply

Florida needs to up their game.

#10 | Posted by HanoverFist at 2019-06-19 12:58 PM | Reply

I'd bet my yearly income this guy voted for trump.

#11 | Posted by SpeakSoftly at 2019-06-19 01:23 PM | Reply

There is no such thing as an attack squirrel. These are trumped up charges.

#12 | Posted by bayviking at 2019-06-19 03:35 PM | Reply

#12 | Posted by bayviking

I contacted the PD over this one, and they where pretty adamant. "You have no idea what a squirrel on meth is like. Our officers feared for their lives...."

#13 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2019-06-19 03:45 PM | Reply

"What if it runs up your trouser leg and goes straight for your nuts? You would have to pull the pin and hug your own grenade to avoid the pain!"

Yeah, the level of concern was high, as well as the pucker factor. Thank God they didn't shoot it 55 times.

#14 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2019-06-19 03:56 PM | Reply

If that thing came at me I'd use the royal hand grenade.

#15 | Posted by JeffJ at 2019-06-19 04:07 PM | Reply

Well, there was this squirrel:

www.youtube.com

#16 | Posted by bayviking at 2019-06-19 05:44 PM | Reply | Newsworthy 1

#16 | Posted by bayviking

You found the video I made? Yeah, a little embarrassing, but NW nonetheless..

#17 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2019-06-19 05:51 PM | Reply

Here's some old stuff: youtu.be

#18 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2019-06-19 06:11 PM | Reply

When I was a little kid in Florida, my dad would feed the squirrels on our land behind our house. One day he ran out of nuts so the squirrel ran up his leg jumped onto his hand and bit him through his thumb and locked on. The poor guy couldn't get it to release and there he was trying the choke the thing to death while the trying to get it off of his thumb. I don't recall if he got rabie shots or not but he did stop feeding the squirrels.

#19 | Posted by Badcat at 2019-06-20 01:43 AM | Reply

Haha! That was an awesome title :-)

#20 | Posted by humtake at 2019-06-20 11:53 AM | Reply

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