Drudge Retort: The Other Side of the News
Saturday, May 11, 2019

The ongoing global shortage of helium was cited as contributing to plans to close 45 Party City stores and could also impact some key high-tech industries later this summer.

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The fools. The stupid fools. Still in good shape, fortunately. But then I have a huge reserve.

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You know, this could be my opportunity to prophet. Hiring a business consultant. I hope Danforth is still around.

#1 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2019-05-11 09:31 PM | Reply

My voice is becoming lower as we speak.

#2 | Posted by LesWit at 2019-05-11 11:51 PM | Reply | Funny: 2

#1

Rat you already spend all your time propheting right here. whata' you need DANFORTH for?

#3 | Posted by 1947steamer at 2019-05-12 01:05 AM | Reply | Funny: 1 | Newsworthy 1

whata' you need DANFORTH for?

He is the Ultimate Sheeple.

Sheeple of sheeples.

#4 | Posted by J_Tremain at 2019-05-12 01:15 AM | Reply

#4

That sound you heard was Steamer's joke flying above your head.

...Tex.

#5 | Posted by Danforth at 2019-05-12 02:36 AM | Reply | Funny: 1

Good, party supplies and decorations are some of the most enviromentally unfriendly things on Earth. And for no discernable practical reason.

#6 | Posted by TFDNihilist at 2019-05-12 06:14 AM | Reply

Excuses for bad business management are a competitive art, this one is the most amazing I've ever seen. people won't continue having parties even if there is no helium at all? Really?

#7 | Posted by danni at 2019-05-12 07:55 AM | Reply

I don't see the problem...the lack of helium gas
just feed 'em beans and tie the balloon to their ass

#8 | Posted by 1947steamer at 2019-05-12 08:47 AM | Reply | Funny: 1

No shortage at the Dollar Tree yesterday. Hundred of floral and happy Mothers Days balloons.

#9 | Posted by gracieamazed at 2019-05-12 09:06 AM | Reply

--Hundred of floral and happy Mothers Days balloons.

Motherhood is slavery.
--Feminuts

#10 | Posted by nullifidian at 2019-05-12 09:51 AM | Reply

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Once in the atmosphere helium begins a slow tortured path into outer space. Helium is essential to operating big science projects that use superconducting magnets.

We can make helium in a fusion reactor, but so far our supply depends almost entirely on unsustainable Texas oil wells.

#11 | Posted by bayviking at 2019-05-12 10:03 AM | Reply | Newsworthy 2

"Motherhood is slavery.
--Feminuts"

No real feminist ever said that but Nulli says it because he hates women.

Misogyny, it's a sport for folks like him. If he can't be the alpha male then he hates the women who think he's a joke. He can't be nasty, but we still think he's a joke. Nastiness doesn't increase his level of masculine attractiveness.

#12 | Posted by danni at 2019-05-12 10:06 AM | Reply | Newsworthy 1

#12 | Posted by danni

I can't understand why anybody here even attempts to engage that pathetic, demented, old fool.

#13 | Posted by Angrydad at 2019-05-12 11:15 AM | Reply

How do we really know they closed? They might have just floated away....

#14 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2019-05-12 05:12 PM | Reply | Funny: 1

Helium is not like oil-- you can't make a synthetic version of helium. Once it escapes the confines within and upon the earth and it all floats away into the atmosphere there will be no more.

#15 | Posted by NerfHerder at 2019-05-13 10:41 AM | Reply

Once it significantly impacts industries that have lobbyists, America will find a way to generate more than enough helium for the country. I just can't see a Party City lobbyist making any kind of case that people don't laugh at.

#16 | Posted by humtake at 2019-05-13 11:47 AM | Reply

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