Drudge Retort: The Other Side of the News
Friday, January 18, 2019

Expressing disbelief at her romantic partner's dramatic behavioral shift, local woman Emily Kittleson, 30, told reporters Friday that she had not expected her boyfriend's attempts to recognize and curtail toxic masculinity would eventually turn him into a "weepy little pansy," said Kittleson of her boyfriend Shane Magnusen, 31, whose efforts to reject toxic masculinity have begun to irritate her as she claims he has evolved into "a fragile fucking flower about everything" in recent weeks.

"Instead of suppressing his emotions about major issues in his life, he cries at sad commercials. Our fights used to be him screaming at me for a few minutes and that was it, not great but not terrible. Then last night we get into an argument that somehow turns into me nodding and making comforting noises while he talks about his strained relationship with his dad until well after midnight. Like, come on, I don't have time to indulge this self-centered crap."

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U.S. -- As society becomes increasingly dominated by nerds, hipsters, and computer programmers, people have fixated on what they think is our biggest problem: masculinity.

"It's just toxic and causes nothing but problems," said Elisha Mcewen, a vegan activist and no threat whatsoever to spiders or tight jar lids. "I was sharing my feelings on masculinity with other men in my drum circle, and we all agreed that if we ever encountered masculinity, we would run far away."

Masculinity is said to have in the past been the cause of such things as violence, war, bullying, defeating the Nazis, carving society out of untamed wilderness, and landing men on the moon, but now masculinity is being driven out of society to make sure nothing like those things ever happens again. However, there are reports that masculinity still lurks out there, which is a source of anxiety to modern men and causes them to have upset tummies.

babylonbee.com

#1 | Posted by nullifidian at 2019-01-18 02:18 PM | Reply | Funny: 2

"he has evolved into "a fragile ------- flower about everything"

Your girlfriend is a fine writer, and knows you well.

#2 | Posted by Corky at 2019-01-18 02:18 PM | Reply

Speaking of no threat whatsoever to spiders or tight jar lids...

#2 | POSTED BY CORKY AT 2019-01-18 02:18 PM

#3 | Posted by Rightocenter at 2019-01-18 02:37 PM | Reply | Funny: 1

Says the snowflake with No Comment! on the day's biggest story.

#4 | Posted by Corky at 2019-01-18 02:44 PM | Reply

What's really funny is that in just a few hours after the toxic masculinity ad debuted on Youtube, Gillette's marketing geniuses managed to get more downvotes than subscribers. Gillette has had a YouTube channel for nearly 13 years now - since February 13, 2006. During which time they gained 115,000 subscribers.

In a single day they got more than that in downvotes, 167k down to 17k up.

They are now at 1M down to 500K up, well played...

#5 | Posted by Rightocenter at 2019-01-18 02:47 PM | Reply

#4 | Posted by Corky

On sale now if you need more...

www.amazon.com

#6 | Posted by nullifidian at 2019-01-18 02:48 PM | Reply

#4

Deflection noted. Now run back to your ------------ frenzy over the latest Buzzfeed clickbait.

#7 | Posted by Rightocenter at 2019-01-18 02:53 PM | Reply

"...the latest Buzzfeed clickbait."

Keep whistling past that graveyard.

#8 | Posted by Danforth at 2019-01-18 02:54 PM | Reply | Newsworthy 2

*hands a box of moist towelettes to Danforth*

#9 | Posted by Rightocenter at 2019-01-18 02:59 PM | Reply

"*hands a box of moist towelettes to Danforth*'

Really?

You travel everywhere with a box of moist towelettes?

Explains a lot.

#10 | Posted by Danforth at 2019-01-18 03:18 PM | Reply | Newsworthy 2

- ------------ frenzy.... a box of moist towelettes

You must be watching Trump lie again with your handy dandy magnifying glass, tweezers, and tissues.... and projecting about it.

#11 | Posted by Corky at 2019-01-18 03:28 PM | Reply

Really? Tweezers and magnifying glass---------- jokes?

#12 | Posted by jpw at 2019-01-18 03:39 PM | Reply

#12

But Mommy, little RoC started it! Besides, that line is a DR Classic.

#13 | Posted by Corky at 2019-01-18 03:42 PM | Reply

She thinks the commercial changed the boyfriend into an average conservative; turns out it just revealed he was that way all along.

This Gilette commercial pissing off the ------- among us is the greatest thing since they lit their Nikes on fire while wearing them.

#14 | Posted by IndianaJones at 2019-01-18 04:27 PM | Reply | Newsworthy 1

Did you guys note the source for the original link?

#15 | Posted by woe_is_W at 2019-01-18 04:36 PM | Reply | Newsworthy 1

It's refreshing that FakeLawyer outed himself.
Hey, it's a start!

#16 | Posted by aborted_monson at 2019-01-18 05:13 PM | Reply | Newsworthy 1

The alarming thing is this.

There are people who believed this story was true when they read it.

I would say to them "you need to stop reading all this liberal propaganda that's confusing you".

Personally, from the first paragraph I knew it was a fake story. It didn't ring true.

Anyone who read it and believed it to be true might want to consider who is filling their heads full of poop.

At a minimum getting off the drugs might just help.

#17 | Posted by BillJohnson at 2019-01-18 07:17 PM | Reply | Newsworthy 2

"Anyone who read it and believed it to be true might want to consider who is filling their heads full of poop." - #17 | Posted by BillJohnson at 2019-01-18 07:17 PM

Who's filling their heads full of poop?

Posted by Rightocenter at 01:58 PM
Who gets to be the one to tell Rightocenter?

#18 | Posted by Hans at 2019-01-18 07:28 PM | Reply

you need to stop reading all this liberal propaganda that's confusing you

As I tried to point out in 15, the whole thing is satire.
Don't take yourself or the thread too seriously.

#19 | Posted by woe_is_W at 2019-01-18 08:08 PM | Reply

#17 🤦🏼‍♂️

#20 | Posted by jpw at 2019-01-18 08:27 PM | Reply

"Who's filling their heads full of poop?

Posted by Rightocenter at 01:58 PM"

That is consistent with his historical focus on matters scatological.

#21 | Posted by DirkStruan at 2019-01-18 08:31 PM | Reply | Newsworthy 2

At least I know I'm not the only person that watched the ad and thought.. man, those little kids fighting can't pass guard for ----. My daughters would rip their arms off and beat them with it.

#22 | Posted by sitzkrieg at 2019-01-19 10:05 AM | Reply

My daughters would rip their arms off and beat them with it.

#22 | POSTED BY SITZKRIEG

My daughter has a Derringer that she keeps 2 410 slugs in. If anyone is aspiring to be famous they should yoke her up.

Instantly, they will go from being a nobody to have their name in all of the headlines.

They might not make it, if they do they will be serverely injured, but there are only so many ways to truly make it big these days.

#23 | Posted by MrSilenceDogood at 2019-01-20 07:07 AM | Reply

In a single day they got more than that in downvotes, 167k down to 17k up.
They are now at 1M down to 500K up, well played...

So in a single day they got more views than subscribers? And in a week got their ad seen 1.5 million times?

Pretty freaking good marketing, give those pansies who created the ad a raise.

#24 | Posted by TaoWarrior at 2019-01-20 07:38 AM | Reply

The funny part about this sort of thing is that anyone with a bit of sense knows that the companies who put out these ads have crunched the numbers and determined that the racists, sexist, homophobes, or whatevers who they are going to piss off are a market that is not worth keeping.

They cry and hold each other and weep about a boycott without ever thinking about the fact that they were already weighed, measured, and found to be completely useless.

#25 | Posted by MrSilenceDogood at 2019-01-20 07:53 AM | Reply

"As I tried to point out in 15, the whole thing is satire.
Don't take yourself or the thread too seriously."

Kill joy.

#26 | Posted by danni at 2019-01-20 11:51 AM | Reply

I have a daughter who could reduce virtually anyone to pulp using only her verbal skills. She's a nice woman but if you cross her look out.

#27 | Posted by danni at 2019-01-20 11:54 AM | Reply

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