Drudge Retort: The Other Side of the News
Saturday, October 28, 2017

A Marshfield man is behind bars after police say he was locked inside a beer cooler at a convenience store, had several drinks, and then fled. Jeremy Van Ert, 38, was charged with retail theft and is currently behind bars on a probation hold. According to the police report, Van Ert drank an 18 ounce bottle of Icehouse Beer and three cans of Four Loko. He also fell over a stack of 30 pack Busch Light Cans.

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He should've at least tippled the Löwenbräu or Heineken, the winebibberous, bacchanalian sot.

#1 | Posted by madscientist at 2017-10-27 09:41 PM | Reply

So you are locked in a beer cooler and you choose, Icehouse and Four Loco?

#2 | Posted by SLBronkowitz at 2017-10-27 10:07 PM | Reply

"So you are locked in a beer cooler and you choose, Icehouse and Four Loco?"

Why pick the lesser of two evils when you can have 'em both!

#3 | Posted by snoofy at 2017-10-27 10:40 PM | Reply | Funny: 1

There are 30 packs of Busch Light? Why? Who even drinks Busch Light? Now I've lost all faith in humanity.

I think I'm going to become a hermit.

#4 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2017-10-27 11:08 PM | Reply

So you are locked in a beer cooler and you choose, Icehouse and Four Loco?
#2 | POSTED BY SLBRONKOWITZ

The incident clearly didn't take place in San Diego.

#5 | Posted by rstybeach11 at 2017-10-27 11:14 PM | Reply

The incident seems ridiculous, to put him in jail is obviously their attempt to avoid the law suit which is certainly coming. I'd say, abuse of process, punish the victim. It's America.

#6 | Posted by danni at 2017-10-28 10:49 AM | Reply

- Icehouse

Is for alcoholics on a budget.

#7 | Posted by SheepleSchism at 2017-10-28 11:06 AM | Reply | Funny: 1

Real men drink strawberry daiquiris served in a hurricane hourglass, with plenty of whipped cream, a pink paper umbrella, and a cherry on top.

#8 | Posted by madscientist at 2017-10-28 11:53 AM | Reply

#8 | POSTED BY MADSCIENTIST AT 2017-10-28 11:53 AM | FLAG:

And no mention of a pinky up? You're a monster.

It would be Wisconsin though. "Milwaukee drunk" - too drunk to drive anywhere else, but still safe to drive because the cops will already be after someone else worse.

#9 | Posted by zeropointnrg at 2017-10-28 07:40 PM | Reply

The incident seems ridiculous, to put him in jail is obviously their attempt to avoid the law suit which is certainly coming. I'd say, abuse of process, punish the victim. It's America.

#6 | POSTED BY DANNI AT 2017-10-28 10:49 AM | REPLY

Not sure if trolling, or just stupid... if it's a troll, kudos, well crafted, you got me.

"Gramza said Van Ert is currently in the Wood County Jail on a probation hold from an unrelated case. That probation required him to remain sober."

#10 | Posted by sitzkrieg at 2017-10-30 08:07 AM | Reply

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