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Thursday, October 12, 2017

There's something I need to say. It's a tough thing to do and takes bravery, but this has been weighing on my moral compass for far too long. It's about time someone comes out with it and speaks up, so here I go:

IPAs are a lie.

There, I said it. In a few years, Americans will all look at each other and shrug:

"To be honest, I never liked IPAs."

"You neither?"

"Nah, I just went along with it because I thought I was supposed to like them."

"Me too!"

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An India Pale Ale, IPA for short, is a strong, hoppy beer that basically gives your tongue a wedgie, noogie and purple-nurple all at the same time, while making your taste buds scream, "Uncle!" And when your little buds do scream, the IPA calls them a wuss. That's right: IPAs are the bullies of beers, and Americans are falling all over themselves pretending they are delicious.

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Once you go black, you never go back.

#1 | Posted by SheepleSchism at 2017-10-12 01:06 PM | Reply

IPAs are the result of an unspoken competition between brewers to see who can shovel the most hops into the beer. If I wanted that much citrus in my beer, I'd just drink a really good beer and follow it with a shot glass of grapefruit juice.

Octoberfest beers, on the other hand.... tasty. I like my beer the way I like my women: sweet, rich, complex and boozy.

#2 | Posted by MUSTANG at 2017-10-12 01:12 PM | Reply | Funny: 1 | Newsworthy 1

I've tried a few IPAs. Never liked any of them. Now I find these "craft" beers to be pretentious wastes of money and time. Give me an amber, blonde or pilsner any day of the week.

#3 | Posted by 726 at 2017-10-12 01:37 PM | Reply

I never liked beers with teeth.

#2 I like my women: sweet, rich, complex and boozy.

I like my wine like I like my women - ready to pass out! Robin Williams

#4 | Posted by lfthndthrds at 2017-10-12 01:41 PM | Reply

Now I find these "craft" beers to be pretentious wastes of money and time. Give me an amber, blonde or pilsner any day of the week.

#3 | POSTED BY 726 AT 2017-10-12 01:37 PM | REPLY

Craft breweries make those, you pretentious ----.

#5 | Posted by sitzkrieg at 2017-10-12 01:59 PM | Reply

5

Frankie has all sorts of knowledge and culture he pretends to possess.

#6 | Posted by eberly at 2017-10-12 02:03 PM | Reply

Beer???

BAH!

REBEL YELL WHISKEY!!!

If you open a bottle, keep it moving or the fumes with peel the paint off the ceiling.

#7 | Posted by RevDarko at 2017-10-12 02:04 PM | Reply

Can't stand hoppy IPA's. Give me a dark Dragon's Milk stout or a chocolate porter. The higher grav the better. Has the same effect as NyQuil but it tastes delicious.

#8 | Posted by gavaster at 2017-10-12 02:08 PM | Reply | Newsworthy 1

Speaking personally - I like a lot of beers and I have developed a real taste for a GOOD IPA but there are some awful ones as well. They are a refreshing change to so many of the mass produced garbage out there.

That said I like a nice stout as a treat but I can only drink 1 or 2 before they make me feel bleh. A Red is almost always good. There are some good Pilsner Lagers too - like Sierra Nevada's Summerfest. I used to really like Bocks but haven't had one in ages. And honestly I used to drink a lot of Bud Light - because it has no flavor which is a lot better than the flavor most of the major labels have...

I can do without fruity beers - just go grab yourself some wine and I think the cloudy wheat beers are kind of disgusting.

#9 | Posted by GalaxiePete at 2017-10-12 02:09 PM | Reply

I won't do it justice, but there is some low hanging fruit out there.
I like my beer like I like my women...in the can, cheap, good head. Etc

#10 | Posted by 101Chairborne at 2017-10-12 02:17 PM | Reply | Funny: 4

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#10 This could become an entire thread until someone calls us sexist pigs.

I like my coffee the way I like my women: hot, black, and bitter.

#11 | Posted by MUSTANG at 2017-10-12 03:02 PM | Reply

An India Pale Ale, IPA for short, is a strong, hoppy beer that basically gives your tongue a wedgie, noogie and purple-nurple all at the same time, while making your taste buds scream, "Uncle!" And when your little buds do scream, the IPA calls them a wuss. That's right: IPAs are the bullies of beers, and Americans are falling all over themselves pretending they are delicious.

Only the American version.

British IPAs are much better in balance and flavor (less pine/grapefruit, more floral).

American versions of many beers are simply over-hopped train wrecks of delicious Euro styles in my experience.

In any case, I'm glad to see the IPA spell fading. The only downside is the tool bags will be harder to spot in bars as no one will order a beer by saying "give me the hoppiest beer on draft" anymore.

#12 | Posted by jpw at 2017-10-12 03:17 PM | Reply

"IPAs are the result of an unspoken competition between brewers to see who can shovel the most hops into the beer."

That's kind of true, but the reason IPA was invented in the first place is the higher alcohol content kept the beer from spoiling on the long voyage to India.

So it's also just about getting more alcohol into the beer.

It's about getting drunk, which is how it should be.

I too am glad the IPA fever seems to be breaking. But let's face it, IPA is the quintessential American craft beer now.

#13 | Posted by snoofy at 2017-10-12 03:25 PM | Reply

> Hipster beer-snobs disown IPAs now that they're popular
> I drink beer for the taste, honestly!

If you all say so. Breddy gud bang for the buck is new belgium imperial IPA. 9% ABV 6-pack for ~$8-9. You're welcome.

#14 | Posted by wj112358 at 2017-10-12 03:42 PM | Reply

IPAs are delicious. My top 5 beers includes four of them -- Stone Enjoy By, Bear Republic Racer 5, Alpine Duet, Cigar City Jai Alai -- and the Belgian quadrupel Trappistes Rochefort 10.

The sharp bitterness of IPAs makes it a little harder to enjoy other styles. Anything less strong in taste starts to seem a little weak and watered down. A friend describes it this way: "You burn out your taste buds to anything else." I dig that burn. I want a beer that punches you in the face without being crazy high in alcohol.

Single IPAs aren't insanely hoppy. It's when you get into the doubles and beyond.

#15 | Posted by rcade at 2017-10-12 04:20 PM | Reply | Funny: 1

Single IPAs aren't insanely hoppy. It's when you get into the doubles and beyond.

You mean they taste like pine tar and dirt?

#16 | Posted by jpw at 2017-10-12 04:36 PM | Reply

RE #11

I like my beer like I like my women...

With beer.

#17 | Posted by donnerboy at 2017-10-12 08:15 PM | Reply | Funny: 1

You mean they taste like pine tar and dirt?

Those sound like good beer ingredients.

#18 | Posted by rcade at 2017-10-12 08:27 PM | Reply

IPA

Intense
Pissing
Activator.

#19 | Posted by LauraMohr at 2017-10-12 08:32 PM | Reply

I thinks it's hops that gives me the headache. I don't get that with dark beer. Plus, all I need is one good one, maybe two.

#20 | Posted by SheepleSchism at 2017-10-12 11:40 PM | Reply

Single IPAs aren't insanely hoppy. It's when you get into the doubles and beyond.

#15 | POSTED BY RCADE AT 2017-10-12 04:20 PM | REPLY

NEIPA is a single. They're much more hoppy than doubles and intentionally unbalanced.

#21 | Posted by sitzkrieg at 2017-10-13 07:07 AM | Reply

I hope I never become so sophisticated that I have to pretend to like IPAs.

#22 | Posted by MrSilenceDogood at 2017-10-13 08:08 AM | Reply

Your anti-snobbery sounds a lot like snobbery to me.

Nobody who likes IPAs is pretending. They are a beer style that England created and America perfected.

#23 | Posted by rcade at 2017-10-13 09:37 AM | Reply | Newsworthy 1

Call it what you'd like.

Anyone who is even a little bit honest will admit that they taste like pine cones soaked in cough syrup.

#24 | Posted by MrSilenceDogood at 2017-10-13 10:03 AM | Reply | Newsworthy 1

#24 Amen. With a grapefruit shooter to chase.

RCADE, only one of those 5 beers on your list is worth drinking, and that's the Trappist

#25 | Posted by MUSTANG at 2017-10-13 10:26 AM | Reply

That's kind of true, but the reason IPA was invented in the first place is the higher alcohol content kept the beer from spoiling on the long voyage to India.

No this isn't true ... Bow Brewery (near the docks) was already shipping a fine October Beer to India, one that aged well. East India Trading Company, requested a hoppier pale ale, and a couple of breweries participated. It wasn't much more alcohol than an October, there were certainly beers with more alcohol. These beers were known as Export beers because the British, well lets just say the British have taste. You learn these things by being around sailors.

American IPA's have gone the way of American Wines, unfortunately we take a good thing and go crazy overboard.

I prefer a Tripel Karmeliet after skiperring. But many a crew mate enjoy a Strong IPA. It helps to know these things.

All I ask is three beers apiece for each of my mates...I think a man sailin' feels more like a man if he can have a bottle of suds back at port. That's only my opinion.

#26 | Posted by AndreaMackris at 2017-10-13 10:27 AM | Reply | Funny: 2

That's kind of true, but the reason IPA was invented in the first place is the higher alcohol content kept the beer from spoiling on the long voyage to India.

Actually, it's the hops. They act as a natural preservative.

#27 | Posted by jpw at 2017-10-13 11:42 AM | Reply

Def love a IPAs. Lagunitas Little Sumpin' Sumpin' is fab. Revolution Brewing Anti Hero is right up there.

Everybody experiences flavor differently. Enjoy what you enjoy. Dont apologize for your likes and dont hate on others for their taste preference. Avoid assigning negative personality traits on others over the beer they enjoy. Those who do often sound arrogant and ignorant. It's a big world, and there are plenty of great beers out there.

I don't think anybody drinks a certain type beer solely b/c it is "hip" or "trendy".

Personal taste has no right or wrong and the enjoyment a particular beer, one over another is not something to get resentful about.

Can't we all just like the beer we like and get along?

My favorite "...Like my coffee..." line is: "I like my coffee like I like my women, weak and in styrofoam cups".

#28 | Posted by oldwhiskeysour at 2017-10-13 11:56 AM | Reply

Anyone who is even a little bit honest will admit that they taste like pine cones soaked in cough syrup.

You seem to think that the beer you like makes you honest and non-pretentious.

I like beer that I like because I like it.

People who make beer any more complicated than that should get over themselves.

#29 | Posted by rcade at 2017-10-13 12:59 PM | Reply | Newsworthy 1

You seem to think that the beer you like makes you honest and non-pretentious.

#29 | POSTED BY RCADE AT

Nerp.

I like to drink beer and tell lies as much as the next guy does.

I simply prefer the things that I put in my mouth not taste like the things that come out of my ***.

#30 | Posted by MrSilenceDogood at 2017-10-13 01:14 PM | Reply

Anyone remember way back when you would get ahold of some bad beer? It kinda tasted like beer crossed with the way a skunk's *** might smell.

That's IPA.

They actually go out of their way to make it like that now.

#29 pays 10-12 dollars for 6 of them.

#31 | Posted by MrSilenceDogood at 2017-10-13 01:16 PM | Reply

#31
Do you actually believe that we all have the same taste responses?

Do you think the way you experience flavor is the same way everybody experiences flavors?

How arrogant, self-important and ignorant can one be?

#32 | Posted by oldwhiskeysour at 2017-10-13 01:26 PM | Reply

I simply prefer the things that I put in my mouth not taste like the things that come out of my ***.

Maybe you'd like IPAs better if you weren't tasting your ----.

#33 | Posted by rcade at 2017-10-13 01:26 PM | Reply

#29 pays 10-12 dollars for 6 of them.

Worth every penny. Life's too short to drink a bad beer just because it's cheap.

#34 | Posted by rcade at 2017-10-13 01:27 PM | Reply | Newsworthy 1

Life's too short to drink a bad beer just because it's cheap.

#34 | POSTED BY RCADE A
it's just short enough to drink a bad beer because it's expensive.

Funny thing, that...

#35 | Posted by MrSilenceDogood at 2017-10-13 01:29 PM | Reply

Lagunitas IPA and Little Sumpin' Sumpin' sell for $28.00 per case at Costco.

Best value IPA everyday prices I have found.

#36 | Posted by oldwhiskeysour at 2017-10-13 01:31 PM | Reply

Whilst wearing thick framed glasses, I'm sure.

It's how sophisticated folks do.

#37 | Posted by MrSilenceDogood at 2017-10-13 01:31 PM | Reply

#35
Thinks his is the only reality in the world. #smallsadlife.

#38 | Posted by oldwhiskeysour at 2017-10-13 01:33 PM | Reply

What awful thing happened in your life to give you your superiority/inferiority complex SDG?

Why would you resent folks who taste beer differently than do you?

Your own small experience in life is blinding you to the fact that we are not all the exact same as you. You are a true prisoner of your own experience. We all are prisoners of our experience to a degree, but you seem threatened and offended that there is more out there in life than you know.

#41 | Posted by oldwhiskeysour at 2017-10-13 01:40 PM | Reply

How the hell do you come up with that "trying to impress you" crap, Dillweed?

We like Hoppy beers, and you seem to take it as a personal insult and wanna fight over it.

Sheesh, man. Get over yourself.

#42 | Posted by oldwhiskeysour at 2017-10-13 01:44 PM | Reply

I simply prefer the things that I put in my mouth not taste like the things that come out of my ***.

#30 | Posted by MrSilenceDogood

It's not true of all of them.

My rule of thumb is to stay away from anything that brags about an IBU number on the label. It's probably swill.

A decent number of session IPAs have come out, which will be much lighter, better balanced and more about aroma than bitterness.

Or just stick to foreign IPAs which are made with Euro hops.

But with the expansion of non IPAs from an ever increasing number of breweries I don't see the need to confine oneself to them.

#44 | Posted by jpw at 2017-10-13 01:52 PM | Reply

Or just stick to foreign IPAs which are made with Euro hops.

American hops are better: Centennial, Chinook, Cascade.

#46 | Posted by rcade at 2017-10-13 02:04 PM | Reply

it's just short enough to drink a bad beer because it's expensive.

Nobody here is drinking a beer because it's expensive. Nobody was bragging about what they pay for beer either -- you brought up the cost, not us. Nobody is being dishonest by saying they like IPAs. Nobody is making beer choices to prove they are sophisticated.

Stupid trolling is stupid.

#48 | Posted by rcade at 2017-10-13 02:12 PM | Reply

American hops are better: Centennial, Chinook, Cascade.

Eh I'm typically more a fan of the earthy, spicy euro hop strains. The citrus can be overwhelming sometimes in American hops.

#49 | Posted by jpw at 2017-10-13 02:13 PM | Reply

That dummy thinks IPA stands for "I Pay Alot (sic)"

#52 | Posted by 101Chairborne at 2017-10-13 02:20 PM | Reply

Mosaic hops are where it's at. Tasty beers are made with them.

#53 | Posted by sitzkrieg at 2017-10-13 03:28 PM | Reply

I remember in the Philippines back in the early 80s we drank Sam Miguel beer it was brewed using formaldehyde in the process and due to poor quality control you would sometimes open one and a lot of chemical smelling foam would gush out. Those were the ones you just dumped and tried another. We would always joke that we were not aging all those years were were drinking it as it 'preserved' us. Must have worked because right after my divorce at age 40 I went back to college to finish my business degree and a cute young 21 y/o asked me out and we dated for about seven months.

#54 | Posted by MSgt at 2017-10-13 04:17 PM | Reply

Does anyone know of a good British IPA? I watch British TV shows and they're always set in pubs. I watch the beers as much as I watch the actors.

#55 | Posted by rcade at 2017-10-13 05:15 PM | Reply

There aren't many.

Samuel Smith and Fullers are the two imports I know of.

www.beeradvocate.com

You can also find English style IPAs produced by domestic companies.

Harpoon's IPA is high on my list.

#56 | Posted by jpw at 2017-10-13 06:23 PM | Reply

#54 | POSTED BY MSGT

All of that just to publicly recount an old conquest?

#57 | Posted by SheepleSchism at 2017-10-13 07:31 PM | Reply

"I remember in the Philippines back in the early 80s we drank Sam Miguel beer it was brewed using formaldehyde in the process...

A: It's San Miguel.
B: Got a link to where they used formaldehyde in their process? From what I've seen that is a widely believed myth.

#58 | Posted by woe_is_W at 2017-10-13 08:07 PM | Reply

It's funny that some here seem to think that just because they don't like IPAs that no one else should either.
Rcades statements on this thread largely reflect my own thoughts, and tastes.

#59 | Posted by woe_is_W at 2017-10-13 08:11 PM | Reply

#58 | POSTED BY WOE_IS_W AT 2017-10-13 08:07 PM | FLAG: No link looked for or needed as I, and any stationed there experienced it upon occasion. Stationed at Clark AB 79/80 through late 83. Hopefully they have gotten better quality control.

#60 | Posted by MSgt at 2017-10-13 11:54 PM | Reply

In honor of this thread I've decided to drink some Miller Lite tonight.

Not too hoppy. Not too anything at all. Just meh-styled "beer".

#61 | Posted by jpw at 2017-10-14 04:17 AM | Reply

So, as a person who drinks no beer, is the point here that people are drinking 'IPA's' just to be trendy and that is tastes bad? Is that the point? Does it actually taste bad?

I'll bet they even cost a lot more too?

#62 | Posted by kudzu at 2017-10-14 07:34 AM | Reply

Does it actually taste bad?

Whether IPAs taste good or bad is entirely personal preference. I think it's tied to how much you like anything bitter.

I've drunk coffee black for years, so I'm a fan of some bitterness in drinks.

#63 | Posted by rcade at 2017-10-14 09:16 AM | Reply

Lagunitas Hop Stoopid, 102+ IBU

#64 | Posted by madscientist at 2017-10-14 09:22 AM | Reply

All I want is Coffee flavored coffee, and beer flavored beer. It isn't that difficult in life.

#65 | Posted by Crassus at 2017-10-14 09:54 AM | Reply

Every once in a while I like a black, IPA, or a citrus but on a everyday basis, I want my beer flavored like beer.

#66 | Posted by Crassus at 2017-10-14 09:56 AM | Reply

is the point here that people are drinking 'IPA's' just to be trendy and that is tastes bad? Is that the point? Does it actually taste bad?

Partially, yes.

They are in fact very trendy, so much so that everyone makes multiple recipes of IPAs and at least a few per brewery are aimed at being as "hoppy" as possible, which usually means bitter but can also mean aromatic.

Some are done really well (ie Bell's Hopslam) but most are done really poorly and wouldn't sell were it not for "hop heads" being a thing.

#67 | Posted by jpw at 2017-10-14 02:36 PM | Reply

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