Drudge Retort: The Other Side of the News
Friday, July 14, 2017

(CNN) Starting this fall, adults in Texas can openly carry knives with blades longer than 5.5 inches.

In fact, swords, spears, daggers, sabers, bowie knives and machetes are all perfectly fine to tote around. Pretty much anything you can whip out in a Dungeons and Dragons battle is fair game.

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FTA: "Texas Gov. Greg Abbott signed the bill into law last month, but it doesn't go into effect until September 1.
Under the existing law knives with blades longer than 5.5 inches could be purchased but not carried--with only limited exceptions."

#1 | Posted by madscientist at 2017-07-14 02:20 PM | Reply

Texas LARPers will soon be able to upgrade from foam to folded valerian steel 😎

#2 | Posted by GOnoles92 at 2017-07-14 02:24 PM | Reply

Existing law has been in effect since at least the 1960's in Texas as I recall. It's only since the wild-eyed rightists took over the state a few decades ago that going healed all the time was considered necessary.

Now those jihadists in sombreros will be carrying their beheading swords legally.

#3 | Posted by Corky at 2017-07-14 02:53 PM | Reply

not as venomous as it will get....but this will become just like the warnings that with open carry, the OK CORRAL will be play time compared to the gun fights in bars and blood running down the streets because of open carry...

except that, apparently all those critics had us confused with chicago.

#4 | Posted by afkabl2 at 2017-07-14 03:29 PM | Reply

however, I KNOW I"LL BE getting this question..

is that your saber, or are you just happy to see me.

#5 | Posted by afkabl2 at 2017-07-14 03:31 PM | Reply

Now those jihadists in sombreros will be carrying their beheading swords legally.

#3 | Posted by Corky at 2017-07-14 02:53 PM |

NOW I UNDERSTAND...this comment...

especially if I ever get within 10 feet of that p***y," wrote Hamman.

I've always said 5 feet, but everyone is different.

#63 | Posted by Corky at 2017-07-12 06:33

#6 | Posted by afkabl2 at 2017-07-14 03:33 PM | Reply

and before the rebuke or 'filtering' comes....you said it, I didn't make that up.

#7 | Posted by afkabl2 at 2017-07-14 03:34 PM | Reply

Get the popcorn ready, it is going to be awesome.

#8 | Posted by 726 at 2017-07-14 03:46 PM | Reply

Texans are weirdos. They all dress up as drugstore mercenaries.

#9 | Posted by ChiefTutMoses at 2017-07-14 04:35 PM | Reply

Gimme a red ICEE and some Swisher Sweets or I'll ---- your throat, matey! And make it snappy, I ain't got all day.

#10 | Posted by madscientist at 2017-07-14 04:46 PM | Reply

#11 | Posted by madscientist at 2017-07-14 04:47 PM | Reply

This law will only make it that much tougher every morning for rwingers to decide which phallic symbol to compensate with that day; the M-16 or the Calvary sword? The Glock or the Bowie knife?

Decisions, decisions.

#12 | Posted by Corky at 2017-07-14 04:52 PM | Reply

Bruce Willis is lethal when wielding a sword.

#13 | Posted by JeffJ at 2017-07-14 04:56 PM | Reply

If only Zat has lived to see this....

#14 | Posted by Corky at 2017-07-14 04:56 PM | Reply

What about a car antennae? Fella could poke someones eye out with one of those.

#15 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2017-07-14 05:43 PM | Reply

I thought there were REAL MEN in Texas. Apparently not.

#16 | Posted by LauraMohr at 2017-07-14 05:45 PM | Reply

Damn, now I am afraid to go to Texas. Anything but a sword.

#17 | Posted by Sniper at 2017-07-14 06:34 PM | Reply

JUST LIKE OPEN CARRY...

this will one day soon be one of those issues that are at the moment nothing but hyperbolic gibberish and an excuse to say ...air quotes....'funny stuff.

#18 | Posted by afkabl2 at 2017-07-14 06:45 PM | Reply

don't worry sniper....let me know and I'll protect you..

cause my saber is like....really long.

#19 | Posted by afkabl2 at 2017-07-14 06:47 PM | Reply | Funny: 1

cause my saber is like....really long.

Posted by afkabl2 at 2017-07-14 06:47 PM | Reply

Curtain rods aren't sabers.

#20 | Posted by LauraMohr at 2017-07-14 06:51 PM | Reply | Funny: 1

curtain rods can be "fully extended"

#21 | Posted by afkabl2 at 2017-07-14 07:04 PM | Reply

curtain rods can be "fully extended"

Posted by afkabl2 at 2017-07-14 07:04 PM | Reply

You lack the ability to be telescoping. Sorry.

#22 | Posted by LauraMohr at 2017-07-14 07:14 PM | Reply

Cool. If I move back there I won't have to leave mine hanging on the wall all the time.

#23 | Posted by jpw at 2017-07-14 09:13 PM | Reply

Texans are weirdos.

HEY!!!

#24 | Posted by J_Tremain at 2017-07-15 04:17 AM | Reply

Well, thank God. I hear their are a lot of 1 hit die monsters in Texas, and I need to level up.

#25 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2017-07-15 07:40 AM | Reply

There are a lot of things you need to level up about.

#26 | Posted by TedBaxter at 2017-07-15 08:28 AM | Reply | Funny: 1 | Newsworthy 1

#28 Shut the hell up, humorless bastard.

#27 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2017-07-15 08:30 AM | Reply

Ho, Ho.

Time for a new reading glass scrip.

#28 | Posted by TedBaxter at 2017-07-15 08:47 AM | Reply

The big sword lobby wins again.

#29 | Posted by BruceBanner at 2017-07-15 10:44 AM | Reply

Hmmm. I wonder why the Texas legislature compromised on a maximum of 5.5 inches in the past...

#30 | Posted by madscientist at 2017-07-15 10:55 AM | Reply

While results vary slightly across reputable studies, the consensus is that the mean human penis, when erect, is in the range 5.1–5.9 in.

(5.1 + 5.9)/2 = 5.5

1. Wessells, H.; Lue, T. F.; McAninch, J. W. (1996). "Penile length in the flaccid and erect states: Guidelines for penile augmentation". The Journal of Urology. 156 (3): 995–997.

2. Chen, J.; Gefen, A.; Greenstein, A.; Matzkin, H.; Elad, D. (2000). "Predicting penile size during --------". International Journal of Impotence Research. 12 (6): 328–333.

#31 | Posted by madscientist at 2017-07-15 12:09 PM | Reply

#20 | POSTED BY LAURAMOHR
"Curtain rods aren't sabers."

Neither are car antennae. Think that's gonna stop me?

#32 | Posted by TheTom at 2017-07-15 02:35 PM | Reply

#31 I was going to say that the number is suspiciously close to the physiological number for member length.

#33 | Posted by BruceBanner at 2017-07-15 05:37 PM | Reply

#31 | POSTED BY MADSCIENTIST
"the mean human penis, when erect, is in the range 5.1–5.9 in."

The friendly version, however, is a staggering 8.3-9.2 in.

#34 | Posted by TheTom at 2017-07-15 06:45 PM | Reply | Funny: 1

While results vary slightly across reputable studies, the consensus is that the mean human penis, when erect, is in the range 5.1–5.9 in.

I prefer 12.954 to 14.986 cm

#35 | Posted by truthhurts at 2017-07-15 07:00 PM | Reply

I see what you did there.

#36 | Posted by BruceBanner at 2017-07-15 07:48 PM | Reply

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