Drudge Retort: The Other Side of the News

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Friday, February 20, 2015

While the United States continues to import goods and sales are good in the booming economy, exports are lagging. The trade unbalance between the US and its allies has caused many rifts in monetary exchange. According to economist No Bai Dam Ting, China has benefitted from the unbalance in trade and there is no expected change in the financial atmosphere. read more

Sunday, January 25, 2015

In a rumor I heard that I started, it is believed that Hillary will run for, and win, the nominee for the Democrat Party. However, when considering who could beat Hillary - no names were raised. Until a lone voice spoke out - Michelle. read more

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Who better than to prepare the IRS for carrying out the duties of healthcare?

The company HHS fired for botching their duties of healthcare. read more



There are worse ways to die.

Sister Margaret took Jane by the ear (like only a Catholic school student understands the pain of this BTW).

Dragging her through the halls of schools, the students backed up against walls as they passed.

Right into the Principal's office they went.

There, the nun sat Jane down.

"You wait here." Out of the office she went, Jane listening to the nun asking the whereabouts of the Mother Superior.

Finally, both ladies come in.

"Okay, I'm here Sister Margaret. What's this all about?" the Mother asked taking her seat behind her desk.

"Jane said, well, she said. I can't repeat it Mother. It's too painful to even think it." said Sister Margaret, a handkerchief in her hand, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"Jane, obviously you have upset Sister Margaret terribly. Please tell me what you said."

Jane took a deep breath. "I'm sorry if I upset Sister Margaret. But, I've decided that after graduation I'm going to become a prostitute."

Sister Margaret yelped and grabbed the desk to hold herself steady.

The Mother Superior leaped out of her chair. "Repeat that again, girl."

"I'm sorry," Jane said, her hands covering her face, "a prostitute!"

"There, there," the Mother Superior said, her hands gently touching Jane's shoulder gently.

"Sister Margaret?"

"Yes, Mother?" looking at her, steadying herself.

"She said prostitute. Did you hear me? PROSTITUTE."

Sister Margaret, finally aware of what the Mother Superior said just started laughing.

"Silly me."

"I know, Sister," said the Mother Superior, "I thought she said Protestant, too."

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rdgrade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last six questions wrong...

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