WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) -- Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell unveiled his party's long-awaited plan on immigration on Wednesday, telling reporters, "We must make America somewhere no one wants to live."
Appearing with House Speaker John Boehner, McConnell said that, in contrast to President Obama's "Band-Aid fixes," the Republican plan would address "the root cause of immigration, which is that the United States is, for the most part, habitable."
"For years, immigrants have looked to America as a place where their standard of living was bound to improve," McConnell said. "We're going to change that." read more
Lisa Aliferis, NPR: Prices for common medical tests like mammograms and MRIs are notoriously opaque. Negotiated rates between insurance companies and doctors or hospitals are sealed tight by contract. We know there's price variation, but comparing what one insurance company pays versus another is virtually impossible. We asked people to share prices for four common medical procedures: mammograms, lower-back MRIs, IUDs and diabetes test strips -- although plenty of people shared prices for other procedures, too. read more
Depression is an astonishingly common mental disorder; it affects as many as 1 in 4 people during their lifetime, and between 5 and 10% of the population are suffering from the illness to some extent at any one time.
Despite extensive research into this area, the underlying causes of depression are not well understood, although many believe it could stem from changes in brain chemistry. In particular, two chemicals have taken center stage: dopamine and serotonin, which are often found in lower levels in patients with depression. However, it is becoming increasingly apparent that this could be a symptom rather than a cause.
This recording was just released in response to a Freedom of Information Act suit. It goes on for 10 minutes actually. President: Well, as I say, I'm sorry for any embarrassment we caused you, but please understand it was just our fear of our own weakness over here with regard to secrecy. The foreign leader eventually makes an excuse to let him go, otherwise, he might have gone on for another 20 minutes.
The captain of the South Korean ferry that sank in April, killing more than 300 people, was convicted Tuesday of professional negligence resulting in death and sentenced to 36 years in prison for his role in one of the nation's worst maritime disasters. The ship's chief engineer received a 30-year sentence after being found guilty of murder. He was steering the ferry when it took a sharp turn and lost its balance; the court specifically found he abandoned two workers who were injured and couldn't evacuate. Many of those aboard were high school students.