Drudge Retort: The Other Side of the News
Wednesday, November 30, 2016

The town of Kensington, Canada, has issued a harrowing warning to residents who might drive drunk over the holiday season, telling them that when they're caught the punishment will be particularly cruel. The police announced on Facebook, "On top of a hefty fine, a criminal charge and a year's driving suspension we will also provide you with a bonus gift of playing the office's copy of Nickelback in the cruiser on the way to jail." The post has a photo of the band's Silver Side Up album in its wrapper. "So please, let's not ruin a perfectly good unopened copy of Nickelback. You don't drink and drive and we won't make you listen to it."

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Cruel and unusual punishment.

#1 | Posted by Alexandrite at 2016-11-30 07:10 PM | Reply | Newsworthy 1

Abu Ghraib has been moved to Canada?

#2 | Posted by PinchALoaf at 2016-11-30 07:24 PM | Reply | Funny: 2

Hell, if they were really cruel they could play the greatest hits of Little Wayne or NWA.

#3 | Posted by docnjo at 2016-11-30 07:27 PM | Reply

Nickelback's awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What's wrong with it???

#4 | Posted by LauraMohr at 2016-11-30 07:36 PM | Reply

Nickleback.....face-plant. Ugh!

My wife likes Nickleback. Maybe she and Laura need to hang out together.

#5 | Posted by JeffJ at 2016-11-30 07:42 PM | Reply

Loaf gets a funny for #2.

#6 | Posted by JeffJ at 2016-11-30 07:43 PM | Reply | Newsworthy 1

Nickelback's awesome...

I wouldn't go that far, but I'm not really sure where all the hate comes from.

#7 | Posted by REDIAL at 2016-11-30 08:01 PM | Reply

...I'm not really sure where all the hate comes from.

Be-cause they re-mind me of how I real-ly am.

#8 | Posted by madscientist at 2016-11-30 09:58 PM | Reply | Funny: 4

Perfectly executed, Mad. Nice.

#9 | Posted by YAV at 2016-11-30 10:08 PM | Reply

I read a review of Nickleback and Creed - two of the 5 most "hated" bands in America. This line about Nickleback was beautifully written - very much like something Douglas Adams would compose:

"The group's weakness is their obsession with transposable power ballads, most of which sound like what would happen if Bob Rock helped Coldplay write a really loud song for Garth Brooks (which would undoubtedly be the most popular song in the history of mankind, were it to literally exist). The one transcendent Nickelback song is the semi-acoustic "Rockstar," a dilemma for all those who want to erroneously pretend that Kroeger has no sense of irony."

This struck home for me, as I do indeed have "Rockstar" on my playlist when I run, and I chuckle every time it comes on.

#10 | Posted by YAV at 2016-11-30 10:37 PM | Reply

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We have a thing called the Geneva convention ya know!!!!!!!!

#11 | Posted by aborted_monson at 2016-11-30 10:41 PM | Reply

Nickelback gets so much hate but yet they have 3 platinum albums one going 7x platinum.

Somehow I doubt Laura bought that many copies.

#12 | Posted by TaoWarrior at 2016-11-30 10:52 PM | Reply

I read a review of Nickleback and Creed - two of the 5 most "hated" bands in America.

Interesting. I always kinda thought Nickelback was just a cheap Canuck rip-off of Creed.

#13 | Posted by REDIAL at 2016-11-30 11:34 PM | Reply

Nickelback is a cheap Canuck rip-off of Loverboy. Oh wait, Loverboy is Canadian...so ummm...yeah.

#14 | Posted by bocaink at 2016-12-01 01:30 AM | Reply

You know for such a "terrible" band, Nickelback sure has a nasty habit of selling out arenas and making albums that go multiplatinum.

#15 | Posted by soheifox at 2016-12-01 07:06 AM | Reply

If Nickelback's singer was so intent on copying Kurt Cobain the least he could have done was to find a quiet moment to put a shotgun into his mouth and make the impersonation complete.

#16 | Posted by pumpkinhead at 2016-12-01 09:54 AM | Reply

That's funny.

Nickelback is boring as hell to me, but probably no worse than a thousand other bands. Most likely it's their sheer success that has made them come o symbolize bland arena rock, or "corporate rock," in a long tradition that goes back to at least the 70s with REO Speedwagon, Journey, Styx, Boston, Foreigner and many more. Even Zeppelin, Van Halen, Pink Floyd, later-period Stones, Aerosmith, U2, most 80s hair bands and [your favorite band here] get bunched into this category sometimes. Each of these bands has made a lot of money making reasonably crafted, slickly performed, commercially viable music that detractors accuse of lacking the soul of early rock & roll. Punk and other more rebellious styles started as a reaction to that.

I understand the criticism, but hey, whatever floats your boat. I'm not nearly as judgmental about it all as I used to be. Doesn't mean I will listen to Nickelback though!

#17 | Posted by cbob at 2016-12-01 09:57 AM | Reply

#16 | POSTED BY PUMPKINHEAD AT 2016-12-01 09:54 AM | FLAG:

Ouch, dude!

#18 | Posted by cbob at 2016-12-01 09:58 AM | Reply

Does the cop that's driving really deserve the same treatment?

#19 | Posted by nutcase at 2016-12-01 10:01 AM | Reply

If you play a Nickelback song backwards you will hear messages from the Devil.
Even worse, if you play it forwards, you will hear Nickelback.

(A special thank you to Dave Grohl)

#20 | Posted by pumpkinhead at 2016-12-01 10:07 AM | Reply | Funny: 1

#18 cbob,

You left out more than you included. Hendrix is the only artist that made three chords interesting. But, almost every one of those bands has at least one really good song to their credit, which is how they briefly bounced into the limelight.

The amount and quality of music produced in the late sixties and early seventies is, in my view, unprecedented in music history, at least since the advent of most classical orchestral music, even if their complexity and length is incomparable. I attribute that marvelous outcome to a school system which once supported the arts. One might argue that Jazz did so as well, but without the audience to support such prolific output. I would count Zeppelin and Pink Floyd in that inventive productive group, even considering their lesser albums.

#21 | Posted by nutcase at 2016-12-01 11:37 AM | Reply

You know for such a "terrible" band, Nickelback sure has a nasty habit of selling out arenas and making albums that go multiplatinum.

Big Macs sell better than any hamburger on Earth.

#22 | Posted by rcade at 2016-12-01 12:06 PM | Reply

For me, the essence of Nickelback badness is the same as Creed: the lyric, long pause, lyric thing. It feels like they couldn't come up with enough lyrics so they padded, like a college student writing a paper who uses really wide margins.

I updated this post with Photograph and a parody of the song from College Humor that really captures this.

But even though Creed is bad I like them anyway. Liking Nickelback is a bridge too far for me.

#23 | Posted by rcade at 2016-12-01 12:16 PM | Reply

You know for such a "terrible" band, Nickelback sure has a nasty habit of selling out arenas and making albums that go multiplatinum.

#15 | POSTED BY SOHEIFOX AT 2016-12-01 07:06 AM | REPLY

And ... nearly 60 million people voted for Donald Trump.

#24 | Posted by anton at 2016-12-01 12:20 PM | Reply

Big Macs sell better than any hamburger on Earth.

#22 | POSTED BY RCADE AT 2016-12-01 12:06 PM | REPLY | FLAG:

Yup. Everyone claims McDonald's sucks so bad, yet nobody sells more burgers in the entire world.

Allow me to quote Translucent-American comedian Jim Gaffigan here:

"I reference McDonald's a lot because I go to McDonald's. I love the silence that follows that statement, like I just admitted to support dog fighting or something. How could you? McDonald's!

It's fun telling people you go to McDonald's. They always give me that look like, Oh! I didn't know I was better than you. No one admits to going to McDonald's. They sells six billion hamburgers a day. There's only 300 million people in this country. It's like I am not a calculus teacher, but I think everyone is lying."

#25 | Posted by soheifox at 2016-12-01 05:13 PM | Reply

(Malformed quote, that's what I get for pulling from his official website! but you get the idea)

#26 | Posted by soheifox at 2016-12-01 05:14 PM | Reply

Jsut watch it for yourself: youtu.be

#27 | Posted by soheifox at 2016-12-01 05:17 PM | Reply

Yup. Everyone claims McDonald's sucks so bad, yet nobody sells more burgers in the entire world.

That doesn't stop them from being terrible. McDonald's is kind of gross.

#28 | Posted by rcade at 2016-12-01 05:22 PM | Reply

McDonald's is kind of gross.

#28 | Posted by rcade at 2016-12-01 05:22 PM | Reply | Flag

Kinda my tushy. When your eff McMuffin bounces on the floor 3 times when you drop it. You aught to know that ain't right. Gross doesn't even begin to cover it.

#29 | Posted by LauraMohr at 2016-12-01 05:28 PM | Reply

egg geez.

#30 | Posted by LauraMohr at 2016-12-01 05:28 PM | Reply

That doesn't stop them from being terrible. McDonald's is kind of gross.

#28 | POSTED BY RCADE AT 2016-12-01 05:22 PM | REPLY | FLAG

You know who had terrible food? the All-American Burger. You know how we know that? People stopped buying their food and they went out of business. In any matter of food, where "taste", being a subjective thing, is worthless as a measuring stick you logically must default to sales numbers.

Furthermore, smug attitudes about places like McDonald's does a HELL of a lot to help them hold their wages down even as they bring in unholy amounts of money every year. The more you minimize their food while ignoring their success, the more you depower their workers. Nobody wants to support the poverty-stricken and disenfranchised who must work at McDonald's because, after all, McDonald's is so "terrible" and they clearly sell crap on a bun, so their workers are basically crap on your heel as well.

#31 | Posted by soheifox at 2016-12-01 05:35 PM | Reply

Kinda my tushy. When your eff McMuffin bounces on the floor 3 times when you drop it. You aught to know that ain't right. Gross doesn't even begin to cover it.

#29 | POSTED BY LAURAMOHR AT 2016-12-01 05:28 PM | REPLY | FLAG:

Poach an egg in your own house and drop it, genius. It'll do the same thing, because that's what poached eggs DO.

#32 | Posted by soheifox at 2016-12-01 05:36 PM | Reply

I would never eat an egg from McDonald's Laura. Nor a salad.

McDonald's is for Fries and hash browns. Burgers too but since becoming a vegetarian just the fries and hash browns. Used to like the sweet tea until they added even more sugar and it started tasting more like syrup than tea.

Sometimes I'll go to McDonald's and just order 2 large fries and a water. Those are days when I don't feel like waiting for old age to have a heart attack. Grease and Salt and Starch mother natures crack.

#33 | Posted by TaoWarrior at 2016-12-01 05:38 PM | Reply

#33 | POSTED BY TAOWARRIOR AT 2016-12-01 05:38 PM | REPLY | FLAG:

Actually, you've got that backwards: the problem is that McDonald's used to use a POUND of sugar per gallon of tea, now they use a different process with a less calorie-dense "sweetener" called "invert sugar" and it tastes like crap. Ultra sweet, it.. just doesn't work.

Real sugar is the way to go, and McDonald's is guilty of turning their amazing tea into processed crap.

#34 | Posted by soheifox at 2016-12-01 05:41 PM | Reply

Hey Tao, want me to go take a video for you? I'll do it right now. They crack the egg, put it in a nonstick ring, add water and cover it. Just like you'd poach an egg at home. That 12 are done at once instead of 2 doesn't change the process. If you don;t go to McDonald's for eggs, don;t go to your own house either, because it's the same egg prepared the same way.

Same deal with the scrambled eggs, and the "folded" ones.. it depends on the franchise whether they're cooked for real or just warmed up from frozen. You can taste the difference.

People like to slam on Burger King burgers as well.... and it makes no sense. Their meat is literally BETTER quality than what you can get in a store, they cook it on a moving grill over open flame... what else could they possibly do? It's the same way you make it in the backyard, except it's on a conveyor belt instead of waiting for you to spatula it off.

#35 | Posted by soheifox at 2016-12-01 05:44 PM | Reply

Also: the salad mix is always locally sourced (except in Utah and New York). Go ahead and check at your local Kroger and see if they can say the same thing. It's like we're living in Bizzaro world: what you get at your _grocery store_ is of lower quality than fast food chains, and yet people act like the opposite is true. You want better quality food than Burger King? You won't find it at your local Kroger variant; you'll find it at a farmer's market.

Too much beef and grease at say.. taco bell is no worse than too much beef and grease at home.

In fact it's usually _slightly_ better for you than doing it at home would be.

Stop holding down poor people by buying into easily disproven lies.

#36 | Posted by soheifox at 2016-12-01 05:50 PM | Reply

Sohe,

It's not so much the quality of the egg that bothers me just the fact that I'm at McDonalds why the heck would I get something healthy? I walk in there knowing what I put in my mouth will kill me a bit faster so why eat an egg or salad.

Oh and the fact that I don't like poached eggs in general. If I'm starving in the morning (rare) I would consider an egg and cheese biscuit at McDonald's but never an egg mcmuffin.

#37 | Posted by TaoWarrior at 2016-12-01 05:51 PM | Reply

Sohe,
It's not so much the quality of the egg that bothers me just the fact that I'm at McDonalds why the heck would I get something healthy? I walk in there knowing what I put in my mouth will kill me a bit faster so why eat an egg or salad.
Oh and the fact that I don't like poached eggs in general. If I'm starving in the morning (rare) I would consider an egg and cheese biscuit at McDonald's but never an egg mcmuffin.

#37 | POSTED BY TAOWARRIOR AT 2016-12-01 05:51 PM | REPLY | FLAG:

....well there I'd concur. I have no idea why McDonald's even offers salads. Out of 500 drive thru orders in a 3 hour period you'll usually sell ten salads. The labor in preparing them alone exceeds those "profits".

#38 | Posted by soheifox at 2016-12-01 05:55 PM | Reply

And I've been meaning to correct you for a while.. the break is at the I. Sohei.

#39 | Posted by soheifox at 2016-12-01 05:55 PM | Reply

oo much beef and grease at say.. taco bell is no worse than too much beef and grease at home.
In fact it's usually _slightly_ better for you than doing it at home would be.

As a vegetarian my diet is 90% super healthy cooked at home with minimal grease (and that only canola or olive oil) if any. There is no way I could eat as healthy at a fast food place because my menu selections simply wouldn't be profitable for them. I don't expect them to change on my account and I'll eat their crap once in a while as a treat. With my blood pressure and cholesterol and weight I can afford 2 large fries for lunch once a week.

I also don't treat the employees like crap but I've done my share of low paid service work so I empathize with them. I try and always be friendly and polite and great service gets reported to the manager while I will almost never ask for the manager for poor service. I think I would literally have to see them drop my food on the floor then serve it before I would complain to a manager.

#40 | Posted by TaoWarrior at 2016-12-01 05:58 PM | Reply

he break is at the I. Sohei.

Sorry.

Of course the extra letter means I will only address you when feeling extra motivated :P

#41 | Posted by TaoWarrior at 2016-12-01 06:00 PM | Reply

#40 | POSTED BY TAOWARRIOR AT 2016-12-01 05:58 PM | REPLY | FLAG:

Fair enough. I guess my ire is more aimed at the people.. ostensibly left wing folks who act like they don't have a crab pot mentality and then line right up and do their part to help the 1% hold down the poor. [...]

#42 | Posted by soheifox at 2016-12-01 06:04 PM | Reply

The more you minimize their food while ignoring their success, the more you depower their workers.

Workers at McDonald's -- or any other restaurant -- aren't entitled to people saying nice things about their food.

... McDonald's is so "terrible" and they clearly sell crap on a bun, so their workers are basically crap on your heel as well.

Treating "McDonald's food is kind of gross" like I said "McDonald's workers are crap on my heel" is absolutely ridiculous.

#43 | Posted by rcade at 2016-12-01 06:05 PM | Reply

Also: did you manage to get Kindle to give you the updated edition of book one? I sure can't, despite the store page telling me I own it.

#44 | Posted by soheifox at 2016-12-01 06:06 PM | Reply

Treating "McDonald's food is kind of gross" like I said "McDonald's workers are crap on my heel" is absolutely ridiculous. What the hell is wrong with you?

#43 | POSTED BY RCADE AT 2016-12-01 06:05 PM | REPLY | FLAG

That's mighty evasive. The part I took offense to is "That doesn't stop them from being terrible." and you absolutely said that, and that absolutely contributes to how the workers get treated. McDonald's food is objectively not "terrible" and yet you lockstepped right in with everyone else.

That's what "the hell" is wrong with me. You expressed the same sentiment to everyone that claims Hillary Clinton was so terrible that I am now expressing at you. Like they helped Trump, you're helping the 1% hold the poverty-level workers down.

#45 | Posted by soheifox at 2016-12-01 06:10 PM | Reply

In any matter of food, where "taste", being a subjective thing, is worthless as a measuring stick you logically must default to sales numbers.

There's nothing logical about that at all.

You can't possibly believe that McDonald's is making the best burger in your town just because it's the best seller. I bet you could name 10 places around you that make a better burger.

#46 | Posted by rcade at 2016-12-01 06:10 PM | Reply

Sohei,

Honestly I have been so busy I haven't even gotten my kindle out yet. It's cold now and I fix fireplaces.

#47 | Posted by TaoWarrior at 2016-12-01 06:12 PM | Reply

You can't possibly believe that McDonald's is making the best burger in your town just because it's the best seller. I bet you could name 10 places around you that make a better burger.

Posted by rcade at 2016-12-01 06:10 PM | Reply

Mom and pop burger joints are the bestest with the mostest delicious cheeseburgers.

#48 | Posted by LauraMohr at 2016-12-01 06:15 PM | Reply

I bet you could name 10 places around you that make a better burger.

#46 | POSTED BY RCADE AT 2016-12-01 06:10 PM | REPLY | FLAG

Subjective. There are ten people who line up at the crack of 5am at the local McDonald's who swear McDonald's makes the best breakfast sandwiches around, and one of them was a chef at the (eatery name withheld because people are creepy and someone might harass him over it since it's a family business and the name would be easy to google) for 15 years. My opinion of what is a "better" burger is irrelevant, as is yours and everyone else's. Taowarrior, a vegetarian, would probably call most of it garbage.

De gustibus non est disputandum. What other measuring stick would you care to use? We cannot logically use taste, so what metric do you propose?

#49 | Posted by soheifox at 2016-12-01 06:17 PM | Reply

McDonald's food is objectively not "terrible" and yet you lockstepped right in with everyone else.

When I said "McDonald's is kind of gross" it was obviously my opinion.

Just like it's my opinion that you're being an insufferable drama queen. I can't say that objectively, but you're making a better case for it with each comment you post in this discussion.

Like they helped Trump, you're helping the 1% hold the poverty-level workers down.

Go eat enough McDonald's for the both of us. That should be easy for you, since it's the greatest hamburger in the world.

#50 | Posted by rcade at 2016-12-01 06:17 PM | Reply

My opinion of what is a "better" burger is irrelevant, as is yours and everyone else's.

Opinions are relevant to a discussion of whether something is terrible, like Nickelback.

You can throw a fit about that because you think only sales should matter. You can make all your decisions about what is good by how well it sells.

The rest of us will keep on forming opinions of what is good based on our critical sensibility of whether we think it's any good.

If this makes life harder for a McDonald's worker, them's the breaks. It'll make life easier for somebody who is making food that isn't gross.

#51 | Posted by rcade at 2016-12-01 06:25 PM | Reply

If this makes life harder for a McDonald's worker, them's the breaks.

Ahh there it is, the barely concealed disdain for the low level worker bubbles to the surface. If you don't work an approved job for an approved company you are less.

#52 | Posted by TaoWarrior at 2016-12-01 08:43 PM | Reply | Newsworthy 1

#31 I thought All American Burger went out of business because people kept writing, "Big hairy p***y" on the bathroom mirror.

#53 | Posted by JimDuncan at 2016-12-01 09:52 PM | Reply

Ahh there it is, the barely concealed disdain for the low level worker bubbles to the surface.

If not eating bad fast food means I hate the restaurant's workers, I hate millions of workers. You do too.

If you don't eat Arby's you hate America.

#54 | Posted by rcade at 2016-12-01 09:56 PM | Reply

Arby's curly fries are the bomb! I don't eat there often because there aren't many around here but when I pass one and have time for a lunch I'll stop. Burger King fries are probably my least favorite but if you put ranch on them not bad. I like Wendy's fries second best to McDonald's though. Honestly I'll stop about anywhere close when I get a few moments to spare, it's rare that I even get time for lunch though.

#55 | Posted by TaoWarrior at 2016-12-01 10:14 PM | Reply

Apparently eating at McDonalds is like ------- a fat girl, fun to do, but you don't want people to know about it

#56 | Posted by truthhurts at 2016-12-01 10:16 PM | Reply | Funny: 1

Hey we fat chicks know how to cook. Just think TruthHurts. You'll never grow hungry.

#57 | Posted by LauraMohr at 2016-12-01 10:42 PM | Reply

This is a clear violation of the 8th Amendment.

#58 | Posted by Sycophant at 2016-12-02 11:11 AM | Reply

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