Drudge Retort: The Other Side of the News
Tuesday, November 29, 2016

A KILLER giant squid that can hypnotise its prey and paralyse humans at a distance of 150 feet using poisonous venom is being developed as a secret weapon by Vladimir Putin, a scientist has claimed.

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Doctor Anton Padalka said he was part of a Russian scientific expedition to a subterranean lake in the Arctic that discovered the terrifying creature - known as Organism 46-B.

He said their discovery at Lake Vostok was covered up by Russian officials who are now looking at ways to weaponise and breed the deadly octopus - with potentially devastating effects.

Dr Padalka said the octopus, which was discovered in a fresh water lake trapped beneath two miles of ice, possessed an array of weapons and was responsible for the deaths of at least two of his scientific colleagues on the expedition.

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Now THIS is fun to read.

#1 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2016-11-29 06:05 PM | Reply

I heard he already has an army of cloned bomb-sniffing dogs.

#2 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2016-11-29 06:06 PM | Reply

The future: matthollingsworth.com

#3 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2016-11-29 06:07 PM | Reply

I expect to see this in theaters by summer 2017.

#4 | Posted by Daniel at 2016-11-29 07:11 PM | Reply

#2

Didja know that those dogs are are from outer space?

Like really really far away.

Possibly as far away as Pluto.

#5 | Posted by coyote at 2016-11-29 08:19 PM | Reply

#5 Here you go: www.google.com

#6 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2016-11-29 08:27 PM | Reply

There's talk of Hillary running again in 2020. I nominate Organism 46-B instead. 46-B is more charismatic, has more experience dealing with Russia, and a historic first ever giant squid nomination would serve a severely underrepresented demographic in our politics.

#7 | Posted by LIVE_OR_DIE at 2016-11-29 08:36 PM | Reply | Funny: 3

There's talk of Hillary running again in 2020. I nominate Organism 46-B instead. 46-B is more charismatic, has more experience dealing with Russia, and a historic first ever giant squid nomination would serve a severely underrepresented demographic in our politics.

Posted by LIVE_OR_DIE at 2016-11-29 08:36 PM | Reply

Oh hush your yap. I thought we were through with her once and for all.

#8 | Posted by LauraMohr at 2016-11-29 08:38 PM | Reply

This sort of thing almost makes me want to go to Russia to become a scientist. Almost.

#10 | Posted by sentinel at 2016-11-29 09:39 PM | Reply

Did you know that jellyfish are poisonous? Yes, they are.

#11 | Posted by coyote at 2016-11-29 11:53 PM | Reply

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Heck Yeah!!!

Its like C&C Red Alert IRL!!!!

#12 | Posted by aescal at 2016-11-29 11:54 PM | Reply

#6 | Posted by HeliumRat

Thanks for the chuckles.

#13 | Posted by coyote at 2016-11-29 11:55 PM | Reply

The article is actually about Octomom and how she lures unsuspecting men to her lair of doom - www.insideedition.com

#14 | Posted by SheepleSchism at 2016-11-30 11:52 AM | Reply

If mama nature's kitchen is easy to copy, someone would be cooking up cocaine by the ton in a lab in Mexico. As it is, toxins are the most complicated substances known. Some are phenomenally powerful. Take the venom from a box jellyfish. A dose of 1/100,000 of a gram will kill you, or make you wish you were dead. There were scorpions in Iraq that fully grown were less than an two centimeters in length that could kill you. Octopi living in a deep lake under ice? If so, that would be the only fresh water octopi ever found. Sounds like more of the hype the Russians are famous for. The Russians always consider themselves as vulnerable. Of course they have been invaded more than any country on the planet with the exception of Korea. East, then south, then west, The center of Eurasia is a tough neighborhood.

#15 | Posted by docnjo at 2016-11-30 12:00 PM | Reply

The terror alert has been raised to a vague, ugly, taupe-ish color.

#16 | Posted by TheTom at 2016-11-30 07:02 PM | Reply

Gotta be a hoax. But nothing like the Onion or Borowitz can drum up.

The dismembered octupus leg killing someone just put it over the top.

#17 | Posted by coyote at 2016-11-30 08:00 PM | Reply

#17 Ah, you finally read it :)

Great stuff, huh?

#18 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2016-11-30 08:08 PM | Reply

14 arms that can kill even being after hacked off was way over the top.

But mimicking the shape of a diver was my favorte.

#19 | Posted by Sully at 2016-12-01 10:12 AM | Reply

I don't know if Putin will pull this off or not; but I smell an excellent Syfy Channel original movie in the works.

#20 | Posted by shane at 2016-12-01 04:37 PM | Reply

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