Drudge Retort: The Other Side of the News
Sunday, January 26, 2014

The turtle wearing a hat backward, baggy jeans and purple sunglasses looks just like other cartoon characters that marketers use to make products like cereal and toys appealing to children. But the reptile, known as T. Top, who says creating and breaking codes is really "kewl," is pushing something far weightier: the benefits of the National Security Agency. "In the world of diplomacy, knowing what your enemy is planning helps you to prepare," the turtle says. "But it is also important that your enemies do not know what you have planned. It is the mission of the National Security Agency and the Central Security Service to learn what it can about its potential enemies to protect America's government communications."

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HeliumRat

 

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To enter the "How Can I Work for NSA?" section of the site, children click on a picture of a bucktoothed rabbit, who says in his biography that he likes listening to hip-hop and rock. In his free time, the bunny says, he participates in cryptography competitions with other cartoon characters named Decipher Dog and CryptoCat.

"As a signals analyst, you will work with cutting edge technology to recover, understand and derive intelligence from a variety of foreign signals found around the world," children are told in the future employment section. "You will also attempt to identify the purpose, content, and user of these signals to provide critical intelligence to our nation's leaders."

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We all paid for this with our taxes.

#1 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2014-01-25 08:05 PM | Reply | Flag:

From now on, I promise to broadcast my bowel movements in hope the NSA is watching. They want to know what I'm doing at home? I'll show'em.

#2 | Posted by rstybeach11 at 2014-01-25 08:14 PM | Reply | Flag:

Is anyone else here reminded of the Hitler Youth, or that kid in 1984 who shouted "I'm accusing you of thought crime!" to Winston Smith?

I am so going to crush Godwin's Law beneath my jack-booted heel on this one: we all have a file now, so the NSA is training kids to turn in their own parents.

This mad crap has to stop. Where will it end?

#3 | Posted by HeliumRat at 2014-01-26 04:33 AM | Reply | Flag: | Funny: 1

End, comrade? Why should it? Perhaps you harbor some unexplored counterrevolutionary residual thoughts...

#4 | Posted by Diablo at 2014-01-26 04:36 AM | Reply | Flag:

If you aren't doing anything wrong you have no reason to fear your own children.

#5 | Posted by danni at 2014-01-26 12:39 PM | Reply | Flag: | Funny: 1

If you aren't doing anything wrong you have no reason to fear your own children.

Define "wrong". My youngest used to threaten to put me in a crooked nursing home if I wouldn't loan him the car. He's now mellowed to the point where he will send me off with 2 Asian hookers and an 8 ball of heroin if I start to fail.

#6 | Posted by northguy3 at 2014-01-26 12:46 PM | Reply | Flag:

If you aren't doing anything wrong you have no reason to fear your own children.

#5 | Posted by danni

That is the biggest cop-out of the week.

#7 | Posted by Sniper at 2014-01-26 03:10 PM | Reply | Flag:

Is this cartoon character a cousin of wally bear?

#8 | Posted by Tor at 2014-01-26 03:25 PM | Reply | Flag:

Kinda sounds like the Nazi's recruiting the Hitler youth, to me.

#9 | Posted by bat4255 at 2014-01-26 04:38 PM | Reply | Flag:

"If you aren't doing anything wrong you have no reason to fear your own children."

Nero said the same in so many words.

#10 | Posted by Diablo at 2014-01-26 05:14 PM | Reply | Flag:

Kinda sounds like the Nazi's recruiting the Hitler youth, to me.

Bingo. Just like the boy scouts.

#11 | Posted by Shawn at 2014-01-26 05:25 PM | Reply | Flag: | Newsworthy 1

Is this a reboot of the plot for Mercury Rising?

#12 | Posted by captjimmyjames at 2014-01-26 09:03 PM | Reply | Flag:

The teletubbies worhip of the windmill inspired my most recent patent filing... a ...

A 3D VISION 'RADAR TURBINE'! (Pat Pend, 12/803,264)

It features an X-band radar in a radome at the tip of a propeller in one of those giant windmills. It was filed in March 2013 (not yet published to uspto.gov)

#13 | Posted by reitze at 2014-01-27 01:46 AM | Reply | Flag:

Uhm... why not just put the radar emitted on top of the turbine so you don't have to re-design and re-balance all of the blades to deal with the extra mass?

#14 | Posted by sitzkrieg at 2014-01-27 07:57 AM | Reply | Flag:

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