Drudge Retort: The Other Side of the News
Wednesday, March 13, 2013

The new leader of the Catholic Church is the Argentine Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio who has taken the name of Pope Francis. Bergoglio, 76, is a Jesuit from Buenos Aires and is the first pope from South America. He is also the first pope to take the name of Francis.

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At the Vatican, white smoke means another pope has been chosen.

In America, it means another mass shooting has taken place...

#1 | Posted by kamakiri at 2013-03-13 02:20 PM | Reply | Flag:

Pope Roger Mahoney the First. Patron Saint of all strayed clergy.

#2 | Posted by moder8 at 2013-03-13 02:23 PM | Reply | Flag:

Pope Roger would be nice. But I didn't register it. Damn!

#4 | Posted by rcade at 2013-03-13 02:27 PM | Reply | Flag:

Who cares?

#5 | Posted by JOE at 2013-03-13 02:28 PM | Reply | Flag:

No trolling here... you want to troll buy a boat!

#6 | Posted by truthteller101 at 2013-03-13 02:29 PM | Reply | Flag:

Wait, don't tell me. It's an old, out-of-touch guy with a questionable history and a low opinion of women.

#7 | Posted by cbob at 2013-03-13 02:29 PM | Reply | Flag:

That was quick...

#8 | Posted by boaz at 2013-03-13 02:29 PM | Reply | Flag:

So who's the new Dope, anyway?

#9 | Posted by nullifidian at 2013-03-13 02:31 PM | Reply | Flag:

Wow not even three days???

May God Bless us with an epic man.

#10 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 02:31 PM | Reply | Flag:

Pope Bob (of the church of the sub-genius).

#11 | Posted by kudzu at 2013-03-13 02:31 PM | Reply | Flag:

Looks like a Cheech and Chong Up In Smoke still picture.

#12 | Posted by gracieamazed at 2013-03-13 02:32 PM | Reply | Flag:

Pope Chester.

He's no molester.

#14 | Posted by moder8 at 2013-03-13 02:34 PM | Reply | Flag:

If the catholics are smart (there is no evidence they are), they will get a pope who can rescind the celibacy requirement. Otherwise, they will die a slow and agonizing death. Either way, it should be fun to watch.

#15 | Posted by kudzu at 2013-03-13 02:34 PM | Reply | Flag:

This church is about as funny as the republican party trying to ban porn!

#16 | Posted by truthteller101 at 2013-03-13 02:38 PM | Reply | Flag:

Pope Bob I

#17 | Posted by lee_the_agent at 2013-03-13 02:41 PM | Reply | Flag:

The 'new' Pope will be wearing a fabulous vintage chiffon-lined Dior gold lamé gown over a silk Vera Wang empire waist tulle cocktail dress, accessorized with a 3-foot beaded peaked House of Whoville hat, and the ruby slippers Judy Garland wore in the Wizard of Oz, will soon be debuting.

#18 | Posted by lee_the_agent at 2013-03-13 02:44 PM | Reply | Flag:

White Smoke at Ford Field!!!! The Lions signed Reggie Bush!!!! WE GOT BUSH! WE GOT BUSH! Yippee!!!!!

#19 | Posted by kamakiri at 2013-03-13 02:46 PM | Reply | Flag:

What? they picked a He/she

#20 | Posted by truthteller101 at 2013-03-13 02:46 PM | Reply | Flag:

Pope Bob I

As in Bob of the Church of the SubGenius?

#21 | Posted by goatman at 2013-03-13 02:47 PM | Reply | Flag:

"The world simply cannot have a normal existence without an old man parading around in a gilded costume waving his hands over the poor, the hungry, the suffering, and the oppressed. What a joke,why do they hate women so much or maybe they just love the alter boys more!"
#3 | Posted by truthteller101 at 2013-03-13 02:25 PM | Reply

Wow, you really need to find a way to get rid of all that hate.
Have you ever considered turning to religion?

#22 | Posted by hawk at 2013-03-13 02:48 PM | Reply | Flag:

The 'new' Pope will be wearing a fabulous vintage chiffon-lined Dior gold lamé gown over a silk Vera Wang empire waist tulle cocktail dress, accessorized with a 3-foot beaded peaked House of Whoville hat, and the ruby slippers Judy Garland wore in the Wizard of Oz, will soon be debuting.

And here's the proof, check out the slippers.

www.bettybowers.com

#23 | Posted by nullifidian at 2013-03-13 02:49 PM | Reply | Flag:

Pope Urban Innocent I

#24 | Posted by lee_the_agent at 2013-03-13 02:50 PM | Reply | Flag:

"And here's the proof, check out the slippers." - Nulli

Those are some nice kicks.

#25 | Posted by AndreaMackris at 2013-03-13 02:51 PM | Reply | Flag:

Oh boy, new child molester in charge of all the other child molesters and nazi money launderers.

Who cares, exactly?

#26 | Posted by SpeakSoftly at 2013-03-13 02:53 PM | Reply | Flag:

Pope Impotent I

#27 | Posted by moder8 at 2013-03-13 02:56 PM | Reply | Flag:

It is amazing so many people think there is divinity here.

#28 | Posted by moneywar at 2013-03-13 03:00 PM | Reply | Flag:

Oh we can hardly wait... Who will be the new wizard of OZ....

#29 | Posted by truthteller101 at 2013-03-13 03:03 PM | Reply | Flag:

It is amazing so many people think there is divinity here.

You mean that sweet egg white stuff that everyone's grandmother makes at xmas time, but no one eats?

#30 | Posted by goatman at 2013-03-13 03:06 PM | Reply | Flag:

This is news that is barely above Justin Bieber's antics as far as newsworthiness, IMO.

#31 | Posted by goatman at 2013-03-13 03:07 PM | Reply | Flag:


It is amazing so many people think there is divinity here.

#28 | Posted by moneywar

There is.

Big funny-looking hats are quite divine.

#32 | Posted by JeffJ at 2013-03-13 03:08 PM | Reply | Flag:

Come on South Americans!

#33 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 03:10 PM | Reply | Flag:

Francisco?

#34 | Posted by MUSTANG at 2013-03-13 03:14 PM | Reply | Flag:

Who knew... They picked a 76 year old white guy..

#35 | Posted by truthteller101 at 2013-03-13 03:14 PM | Reply | Flag:

I haven't seen this many people excited by the sight of smoke since I visited Jamaica.

#36 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 03:14 PM | Reply | Flag:

Papa Frank?

#37 | Posted by MUSTANG at 2013-03-13 03:16 PM | Reply | Flag:

Watch out women your toast..no rights for you!

#38 | Posted by truthteller101 at 2013-03-13 03:16 PM | Reply | Flag:

Great choice. A Latin American Jesuit who has walked the fine line on numerous current issues facing the Church. The more the general public learns about him the more people will see that they can either support or oppose the choice based on his straddling of so many issues. For example, he has been a loud voice in favor of respecting homosexuals while simultaneously opposing gay marriage.

#39 | Posted by moder8 at 2013-03-13 03:21 PM | Reply | Flag:

Here comes the signs

Reserve religious freedom... Now where have we seen that one before?

Obey,Obey,Obey...no free will..

#40 | Posted by truthteller101 at 2013-03-13 03:22 PM | Reply | Flag:

He is wearing those slightly-tinted prescription glasses that child molesters seem to prefer...

#41 | Posted by SpeakSoftly at 2013-03-13 03:22 PM | Reply | Flag:

By Jorge I think they've got it.

#42 | Posted by TheTom at 2013-03-13 03:24 PM | Reply | Flag:

Wonder how soon the Italian Government will come for him like the last one.

#44 | Posted by truthteller101 at 2013-03-13 03:25 PM | Reply | Flag:

youtu.be

#45 | Posted by gracieamazed at 2013-03-13 03:26 PM | Reply | Flag:

He has a kind face and a gentle voice. Very different from the first impression given by Benedict.

#46 | Posted by moder8 at 2013-03-13 03:26 PM | Reply | Flag:

so who do you think the little baby would prefer?

an old man who wants to save the babies life or ...........
like many here who have no problem with a doctor inserting a needle into his head and sucking his brains out...or perhaps a lying, hypocritical chicago politician who made it to the white house who when asked if it was okay for a BORN baby to just lay on a table until he died and that lying skunk said...'present' because he's ALSO a political COWARD...

well IM thinking that baby might be okay with an old man in robes and so would the FIFTY FIVE MILLION souls that have been lost in some part because some broad just wanted to have fun,......

just sayin

by the way...since women are required to get MORE INFORMATION in Texas, abortion numbers are down..now I Understand that those lives saved aren't worth democrat politcal capital but it might matter to them

#47 | Posted by afkabl2 at 2013-03-13 03:28 PM | Reply | Flag:

Very different from the first impression given by Benedict.

Being a Hitler youth will do that to you

#48 | Posted by goatman at 2013-03-13 03:29 PM | Reply | Flag:

oh good he doesn't look like a starwars villian.

#49 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 03:29 PM | Reply | Flag:

I also like that he chose the name of St. Francis. It is a name rich with humility and desire to be at one with the poorest and most vulnerable segments of society.

#50 | Posted by moder8 at 2013-03-13 03:29 PM | Reply | Flag:

So when does rcade find out if he won the pope squatting sweepstakes again?

#51 | Posted by goatman at 2013-03-13 03:30 PM | Reply | Flag:

There hasn't been this much excitement since Penn State chose a new head coach

#52 | Posted by bph320 at 2013-03-13 03:30 PM | Reply | Flag:

Can't wait to see Pope Alterboy LXIX.

That smoke is the Vatican burning documents. - Leno

Crisis

#53 | Posted by CrisisStills at 2013-03-13 03:31 PM | Reply | Flag:

He doesn't look like a thug, but will he reverse the Church's "teachings" on contraceptives that have killed millions in the 3rd world?

#54 | Posted by nullifidian at 2013-03-13 03:33 PM | Reply | Flag:

It'll be Pope Francis I

Formerly the cardinal from Argentina.

edition.cnn.com

#55 | Posted by TrueBlue at 2013-03-13 03:34 PM | Reply | Flag:

Francis the Talking Mule I

Awesome

#56 | Posted by CrisisStills at 2013-03-13 03:35 PM | Reply | Flag:

well IM thinking that baby might be okay with an old man in robes and so would the FIFTY FIVE MILLION souls that have been lost in some part because some broad just wanted to have fun,......

#47 | Posted by afkabl2

So just to review - blobs of parasitic cells are people with valid opinions, another 55 million people crowding and destroying the planet is a good thing, and sex is an irresponsible choice not a normal part of the human experience. Got it.

Stay strong in your fight buddy. It worked out really well in 2012. For me, if not for you.

#57 | Posted by SpeakSoftly at 2013-03-13 03:38 PM | Reply | Flag:

Screw the catholic church, no american pope!

#58 | Posted by moneywar at 2013-03-13 03:38 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Screw the catholic church, no american pope!
#58 | Posted by moneywar at 2013-03-13 03:38 PM"

Argentina is in SOUTH America.

#59 | Posted by TrueBlue at 2013-03-13 03:41 PM | Reply | Flag:

I think any of you willing to not dismiss the Pope out of hand due to bias and distrust of the Catholic Church will in time be impressed with this man's gentleness and humility. By reputation he is a genuinely holy man.

#60 | Posted by moder8 at 2013-03-13 03:41 PM | Reply | Flag:

"you can see the gentleness in his eyes"

--MSNBC commentator

#61 | Posted by nullifidian at 2013-03-13 03:41 PM | Reply | Flag:

Formerly the cardinal from Argentina.

If we weren't so close to the season opener, they probably would have chosen one of he St. Louis cardinals. Let's play ball, little boy.

#62 | Posted by goatman at 2013-03-13 03:42 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Argentina is in SOUTH America."

Some people are to ignorant to know this.

#63 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 03:47 PM | Reply | Flag:

wikitrue story.

This Pope cares deeply about those with AIDS to the point that he's washed those afflicteds feet.

#64 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 03:49 PM | Reply | Flag:

Waaaaiiiittt, so the Catholic church now is led by a man in a dress with a fabulous hat, who wants to be called Francis?

Well, I'm happy to see they'll be loosening up on the gay rights thing :D

#65 | Posted by zeropointnrg at 2013-03-13 03:52 PM | Reply | Flag:

"This Pope cares deeply about those with AIDS to the point that he's washed those afflicteds feet."

Yeah, well that's nice, but if wants to do something actually significant his cult will stop lying about and opposing contraceptives.

#66 | Posted by nullifidian at 2013-03-13 03:52 PM | Reply | Flag:

I'd love to offer my congratulations to Pope Francis, but I think it's probably best to wait until after the Florida recount.

#67 | Posted by TheTom at 2013-03-13 03:53 PM | Reply | Flag:

I just got my hair cut.

#68 | Posted by justanoversight at 2013-03-13 03:53 PM | Reply | Flag:

In America, it means another mass shooting has taken place...

#1 | POSTED BY KAMAKIRI

White smoke should mean we have a budget.

#69 | Posted by AndreaMackris at 2013-03-13 03:55 PM | Reply | Flag:

#65 - FF!

#66 - NW.

#70 | Posted by ClownShack at 2013-03-13 03:55 PM | Reply | Flag:

1) NULLIFIDIAN he doesn't lead a cult.

2) If he's willing to wash their feet as a priest what will he be willing to do for them as a Pope???

#71 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 03:55 PM | Reply | Flag:

The only smoke we have related to a budget in America is the stuff politicians keep trying to blow up our gluteus maximus.

#72 | Posted by zeropointnrg at 2013-03-13 03:56 PM | Reply | Flag:

#69 | Posted by AndreaMackris

NW..

#73 | Posted by boaz at 2013-03-13 03:58 PM | Reply | Flag:

1) NULLIFIDIAN he doesn't lead a cult.
2) If he's willing to wash their feet as a priest what will he be willing to do for them as a Pope???
#71 | POSTED BY TOR AT 2013-03-13 03:55 PM

1) Yea he does. The cult is named Christianity. It has a billion plus members.

2) Admit that religion should keep its nose out of matters it has no clue about?

#74 | Posted by ClownShack at 2013-03-13 03:59 PM | Reply | Flag:

"If he's willing to wash their feet as a priest what will he be willing to do for them as a Pope???"

Don't ask.

#75 | Posted by Doc_Sarvis at 2013-03-13 04:00 PM | Reply | Flag:

Some people are to ignorant to know this.

#63 | Posted by Tor

And to know the difference between "to" and "too".

#76 | Posted by TFDNihilist at 2013-03-13 04:02 PM | Reply | Flag:

Things to know about Saint Francis:

He's the Patron Saint of environmentalism and animals.

He rejected wealth

he was a fearless intellectual.

Even Muslims liked him.

#77 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 04:02 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Admit that religion should keep its nose out of matters it has no clue about?"

Christianity invented hospice care while your kind just invented ways to scare people into it.

en.wikipedia.org

#78 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 04:04 PM | Reply | Flag:

Tor,

He took his name from Francis Xavier,a Jesuit, not Francis of Assisi.

#79 | Posted by Grendel at 2013-03-13 04:06 PM | Reply | Flag:

Thanks Grendel.

now while I'm off flogging myself here's the good news about this guy:

"Bergoglio has focused on helping the poor throughout his career, noting, "The suffering of innocent and peaceful continues to slap us, the contempt for the rights of individuals and peoples are so far away, the rule of money with his demonic effects as drugs, corruption, trafficking people, including children, along with material and moral poverty are big problems."

In 2001, upon becoming cardinal, Bergoglio "discouraged people from spending the money to fly to Rome to celebrate with him and advised that they instead donate the funds to help alleviate poverty at home."

He lived in a simple apartment, cooked his own food, and traveled by bus instead of a chauffeured limousine."

#80 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 04:10 PM | Reply | Flag:

So when does the Rat Pack move into the Vatican?

They went from a kraut to a wannabee Kraut.

#81 | Posted by northguy3 at 2013-03-13 04:14 PM | Reply | Flag:

He lived in a simple apartment, cooked his own food, and traveled by bus instead of a chauffeured limousine."

#80 | Posted by Tor

I'm sure he's a great guy. But unless he reverses the Church's policies on contraception none of that means squat. You can't "help the poor" by lying to them about contraceptives and forbidding their use. Sorry.

#82 | Posted by nullifidian at 2013-03-13 04:15 PM | Reply | Flag:

NULLIFIDIAN this may be the Pope that declares condoms prevent conception so they're ok.

#83 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 04:16 PM | Reply | Flag:

The new pope looks like a "white hispanic"

#84 | Posted by Dalton at 2013-03-13 04:21 PM | Reply | Flag:

Even Muslims liked him.
#77 | POSTED BY TOR AT 2013-03-13 04:02 PM

Well, I'm convinced.

#85 | Posted by ClownShack at 2013-03-13 04:21 PM | Reply | Flag:

Christianity invented hospice care while your kind just invented ways to scare people into it.
en.wikipedia.org
#78 | POSTED BY TOR AT 2013-03-13 04:04 PM | REPLY

My Kind? LoL! Please define to me who "my kind" is. And what have we been busy scaring people into? Mindless worship and sacrifice in order to avoid eternal torment in a fictitious afterlife?

#86 | Posted by ClownShack at 2013-03-13 04:24 PM | Reply | Flag:

"NULLIFIDIAN this may be the Pope that declares condoms prevent conception so they're ok."

And if and when he does so, I will applaud.

#87 | Posted by nullifidian at 2013-03-13 04:28 PM | Reply | Flag:

Jorge Mario Bergoglio? Sounds like a fancy drink.

#88 | Posted by wisgod at 2013-03-13 04:31 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Jorge Mario Bergoglio? Sounds like a fancy drink."

Or maybe, the most interesting man in the world.

#89 | Posted by nullifidian at 2013-03-13 04:32 PM | Reply | Flag:

YAY!

Civilization is saved.

The Popemobile rides again!

#90 | Posted by donnerboy at 2013-03-13 04:33 PM | Reply | Flag:

You touch my stuff, i kill you.
You call me francis, i kill you.

----stripes-----

#91 | Posted by kudzu at 2013-03-13 04:36 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Or maybe, the most interesting man in the world."

I don't get elected Pope often.

But when I do I kick ass for the Lord.

www.youtube.com

#92 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 04:50 PM | Reply | Flag:

by the way...since women are required to get MORE INFORMATION in Texas, abortion numbers are down..now I Understand that those lives saved aren't worth democrat politcal capital but it might matter to them

#47 | Posted by afkabl2

And now Texas has one of the worst poverty rates in the nation. You have cut your education to the bone and add to that the highest percentage of people without health care. Sounds like a little slice of heaven you got going there.

The Pope would be proud of you keeping your people constantly poor and stupid and in need of a spiritual placebo that the church will conveniently be there to supply.

#93 | Posted by donnerboy at 2013-03-13 04:51 PM | Reply | Flag:

Donner maybe you missed it but before being elected Francis:

"discouraged people from spending the money to fly to Rome to celebrate with him and advised that they instead donate the funds to help alleviate poverty at home."

He also "lived in a simple apartment, cooked his own food, and traveled by bus instead of a chauffeured limousine."

#94 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 04:57 PM | Reply | Flag:

He also "lived in a simple apartment, cooked his own food, and traveled by bus instead of a chauffeured limousine."

#94 | Posted by Tor

what does that even mean? That I am qualified to be Pope?

I did that in college.

#95 | Posted by donnerboy at 2013-03-13 04:59 PM | Reply | Flag:

I doubt you had the option of a Limo Donner. ;)

#96 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 05:01 PM | Reply | Flag:

If he had kids I can bet he wouldn't choose to live like that.

#97 | Posted by donnerboy at 2013-03-13 05:01 PM | Reply | Flag:

I doubt you had the option of a Limo Donner. ;)

#96 | Posted by Tor

true... it was a bike or the bus. And the bike was cheaper and more useful in the long run.

#98 | Posted by donnerboy at 2013-03-13 05:02 PM | Reply | Flag:

He also "lived in a simple apartment, cooked his own food, and traveled by bus instead of a chauffeured limousine."

Posted by Tor

Taxpayers spent $1.4 billion on Obama family last year

#99 | Posted by Greatamerican at 2013-03-13 05:04 PM | Reply | Flag:

You also weren't 76 donner.

Reportedly this Pope is the son of a railroad worker and had a half dozen siblings.

He may have a better idea what third world poverty is like than anyone here.

It has been pointed out that he does come from a "developing" country.

#100 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 05:05 PM | Reply | Flag:

Taxpayers spent $1.4 billion on Obama family last year
#99 | POSTED BY GREATAMERICAN AT 2013-03-13 05:04 PM

$1.4 billion pales in comparison to the amount of money the Church hoarded last year.

#101 | Posted by ClownShack at 2013-03-13 05:07 PM | Reply | Flag:

clown the Vatican's finances are not known to you.

#102 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 05:13 PM | Reply | Flag:

what does that even mean? That I am qualified to be Pope?
I did that in college.

#95 | POSTED BY DONNERBOY AT 2013-03-13 04:59 PM | FLAG:

Superman is not Superman because of his powers.

He is Superman because he has those powers, and uses them to help the poor, grabs no glory whatsoever, and still goes to work every day.

#103 | Posted by soheifox at 2013-03-13 05:13 PM | Reply | Flag:

what does that even mean? That I am qualified to be Pope?
I did that in college.

#95 | POSTED BY DONNERBOY AT 2013-03-13 04:59 PM | FLAG:

Superman is not Superman because of his powers.

He is Superman because he has those powers, and uses them to help the poor, grabs no glory whatsoever, and still goes to work every day.

#104 | Posted by soheifox at 2013-03-13 05:13 PM | Reply | Flag:

Damn double posts.

#105 | Posted by soheifox at 2013-03-13 05:14 PM | Reply | Flag:

maybe the Supreme Court could adapt this system of black and white smoke to let us know next time they choose the President.

#106 | Posted by THomewood at 2013-03-13 05:18 PM | Reply | Flag:

Woo hoo!

The new pope is a Jebbie!

www.urbandictionary.com

#107 | Posted by TrueBlue at 2013-03-13 05:20 PM | Reply | Flag:

He is Superman because he has those powers, and uses them to help the poor, grabs no glory whatsoever, and still goes to work every day.

#103 | Posted by soheifox

He has super powers! awesome! He and Obama can team up.

BTW- You just described me again.

#108 | Posted by donnerboy at 2013-03-13 05:21 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Superman is not Superman because of his powers
.
He is Superman because he has those powers, and uses them to help the poor, grabs no glory whatsoever, and still goes to work every day."

Where on earth did you get that quote?

#109 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 05:24 PM | Reply | Flag:

The last one?

#110 | Posted by Petrous at 2013-03-13 05:30 PM | Reply | Flag:

I have not determined from those from these posts in Frank One is more or less likely to ordain women, end clerical celibacy or encourage contraceptives and abortions. Altar boys want to know. herm

#111 | Posted by herm at 2013-03-13 05:51 PM | Reply | Flag:

Lighten up, Francis.

- Sergeant Hulka

#112 | Posted by Pirate at 2013-03-13 05:51 PM | Reply | Flag:

Wow, I called this one - Francis I... Almost bought it after RCADE's post yesterday.

#113 | Posted by GalaxiePete at 2013-03-13 05:51 PM | Reply | Flag:

Seems fair. The pope ain't a shabby consolation prize if you can't get the Falklands. Also, England broke ranks with the papacy shortly before Anne Boleyn became Henry VIII's #2 squeeze, so there's not that worry either.

#114 | Posted by goatman at 2013-03-13 05:53 PM | Reply | Flag:

The name's Francis, but everybody calls me Psycho. Any of you guys call me Francis, and I'll kill you.

...

Pope Psycho?

#115 | Posted by Pirate at 2013-03-13 05:54 PM | Reply | Flag:

Francis Sawyer, actually.

#116 | Posted by eberly at 2013-03-13 05:56 PM | Reply | Flag:

The name's Francis, but everybody calls me Psycho. Any of you guys call me Francis, and I'll kill you.

Leon: Ooooooh.

Psycho: You just made the list, buddy. And I don't like nobody touching my stuff. So just keep your meat-hooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I'll kill you. Also, I don't like nobody touching me. Now, any of you homos touch me, and I'll kill you.

Sergeant Hulka: Lighten up, Francis.

...

FF!

#117 | Posted by rstybeach11 at 2013-03-13 05:56 PM | Reply | Flag:

I hope he does for Latin America's military dictators and war lords what John Paul II did for the commies.
Excellent choice. I was hoping for a Latin American. I have long thought Brazil will emerge as a major power in this century and choosing this man Pope at this moment is going to be something huge if he lives long enough to make an imprint.
Habemus Papa!

#118 | Posted by Diablo at 2013-03-13 06:10 PM | Reply | Flag:

I to was hoping the next Pope would be from Brazil Diablo.

But I was hoping for it so I could proclaim in public "the Vatican gone Brazilian!" x:)

(Jokes aside this new guy could be an epic Pope)

#119 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 06:17 PM | Reply | Flag:

A quick look at the man, the myth, the legend, the pope:
www.theonion.com

#120 | Posted by cbob at 2013-03-13 06:18 PM | Reply | Flag:

oh boy...some of you are going to hell and won't even get time in purgatory..... ha ha

I guess purgatory is better than living in Detroit

#121 | Posted by afkabl2 at 2013-03-13 06:20 PM | Reply | Flag:

On the bright side at 76,how long can he last!

#122 | Posted by truthteller101 at 2013-03-13 06:23 PM | Reply | Flag:

Well, my dad ran his business well into his eighties and still has all his marbles.
To work is the fountain of youth.

#123 | Posted by Diablo at 2013-03-13 06:27 PM | Reply | Flag:

For years these people talked bad about the man in the red suit. When all he did was make great chocolate cake and improve the taste of the hard boiled egg. Who also has his picture on the bottles of hot sauce. So maybe it's time to rethink things!

#124 | Posted by truthteller101 at 2013-03-13 06:30 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Taxpayers spent $1.4 billion on Obama family last year"

Pope Francis won't be taking the bus and President Obama didn't have Air Force 1 before he was President. The top job gets the perks for mostly security reasons for both the Pope and the President.

#125 | Posted by danni at 2013-03-13 06:40 PM | Reply | Flag:

Jesuits are usual different folks from most Catholics, traditionally the "Marines" of the outfit, hitting the beach first and not taking prisoners, lol.

My wife was Catholic and before we were married in the Church I, as a heathen/Protestant, had to go to a meeting with a priest so he could read me my marching orders.

I was in Santa Clara then, in the early 80's, so I went to an arranged meeting with at Santa Clara U, a Jesuit school. The priest was right out of a 1940's movie, complete with wonderful book-walled office, trusty dog, and cane. I expected to hear Bing Crosby singing at any moment.

I was a Silicon Valley suit, a hi-tech headhunter, and stylish coke user at the time, and high as a kite.

The first thing he said to me as I sat in the chair across from him was something I later decided was for effect.... to relate to me.

He raised his hand and shot me the finger and said, "This is what the world is trying to do to you!".

Well, he talked for maybe 30 or 40 minutes, but I didn't hear another word until about the last 5 minutes, I was so shocked.

But I'll never forget that priest. He was pretty cool.

#126 | Posted by Corky at 2013-03-13 06:48 PM | Reply | Flag:

Well, when Mrs. D and I went to see the priest to say we were planning marriage he asked us "Why?"
We replied because we were in love.
I'll never forget this wonderful man. He immediately said, "No. No. No. That's the worst reason to marry. Eventually the souffle will fall."
After several meeting with him during preparations, he gave us enough warning and wisdom that, when the inevitable hard times came, She and I were already steeled to put not letting the world split us apart as the main, only priority. It is not as difficult as it sounds if couples get such counseling before marriage.
The love part remained with us because of that lovely wisdom while many of our modern friend were not so lucky. Our souffle did not fall.

#127 | Posted by Diablo at 2013-03-13 07:02 PM | Reply | Flag:

the Pope and the President.

#125 | Posted by danni

And the big rockstar who made a lot of money.

#128 | Posted by TFDNihilist at 2013-03-13 07:34 PM | Reply | Flag:

Still think a Pope named Cletus II from the US would have boosted tithes, offerings, and gifts of moonshine off tha scale.

#130 | Posted by madscientist at 2013-03-13 08:03 PM | Reply | Flag:

The 'new' Pope will be wearing a fabulous vintage chiffon-lined Dior gold lamé gown over a silk Vera Wang empire waist tulle cocktail dress, accessorized with a 3-foot beaded peaked House of Whoville hat, and the ruby slippers Judy Garland wore in the Wizard of Oz, will soon be debuting.

And here's the proof, check out the slippers.

www.bettybowers.com

#23 | Posted by nullifidian

"He has super powers! awesome"

#108 | Posted by donnerboy

they may not be made of ruby, but 3 clicks of the heel teleport him back to the Vatican to evade pending child molestation coverup charges.

#131 | Posted by Zarathustra at 2013-03-13 08:09 PM | Reply | Flag:

clown the Vatican's finances are not known to you.
#102 | POSTED BY TOR AT 2013-03-13 05:13 PM

Or anyone else for that matter, they've had a habit of looting every civilization for the last 2013 years.

Their newest cult leader will be living a life of luxury.

He deserves it.

He washed the AIDS off some dirty feet.

Too bad washing feet has nothing to do with aids. but it seems to have gotten him the attention he desired.

#132 | Posted by ClownShack at 2013-03-13 08:15 PM | Reply | Flag:


At the Vatican, white smoke means another pope has been chosen.
In America, it means another mass shooting has taken place...
#1 | Posted by kamakiri

Ah! The latest faux political rant from the Left.

You've lost the debate! Please shut up!!

#133 | Posted by RonPaul at 2013-03-13 08:17 PM | Reply | Flag:

"You've lost the debate! Please shut up!!"

Riiight. Large majority of Americans support sensible regulations of guns. You are like Paul Ryan, you live in a bubble and ignore reality.

#134 | Posted by danni at 2013-03-13 08:21 PM | Reply | Flag:

Turns out the new Pope abetted the junta in torture, murder and child napping.

Way to go Vatian. He's even worse than the hitler Youth guy.

#135 | Posted by northguy3 at 2013-03-13 08:23 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Too bad washing feet has nothing to do with aids. but it seems to have gotten him the attention he desired."

It really wasn't very long ago when most people would not touch a person with AIDS. Obviously, it was a symbolic gesture but I will wait and see what kind of man he is before I become cynical about him. From what I've read so far, this man is a humble and devout servant of God and mankind. We may not share completely in all his beliefs but I do respect his apparent care for the poor and the disadvantaged. Who knows? Maybe he will do the world some good.

#136 | Posted by danni at 2013-03-13 08:24 PM | Reply | Flag:

If he washed and kissed those feet in the 80's he was a light year ahead of most people.

#137 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 08:28 PM | Reply | Flag:

Could he be the prophesied antipope/antichrist?
FTL, seems he's off to a good start:
- check - This false leader will encourage an ecumenical faith.
- check - The vast majority of humankind will accept this improper faith.
- check - A false religious leader will perform signs and lying wonders.
- check - Nearly all humankind will be deceived by signs and lying wonders.

#138 | Posted by reitze at 2013-03-13 08:31 PM | Reply | Flag:

"This false leader will encourage an ecumenical faith."

BS an anti-Christ figure would hurt all who did not follow his way.

www.youtube.com

#139 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 08:34 PM | Reply | Flag:

Hate to burst your bubble Danni:

Bergoglio is seen an unwaveringly orthodox on matters of sexual morality, staunchly opposing abortion, same-sex marriage, and contraception. In 2010 he asserted that gay adoption is a form of discrimination against children, earning a public rebuke from Argentina's President, Cristina Fernández de Kirchner.
Sorry AIDS ridden feet, but no contraception for you.

theres more:

Buenos Aires Archbishop Jorge Bergoglio would have accepted homosexual marriage as long as it did not allow adoption, according to sources close to the Argentine cardinal. Marino said that allowing of adoption by homosexual couples "is denying scientific evidence and denying the child the right to grow up and develop psychologically and sexually, which requires the presence of a masculine and feminine" influence."
Sorry Orphaned children, no loving family for you either.

and more:

He was a fierce opponent of Argentina's decision to legalise gay marriage in 2010, arguing children need to have the right to be raised and educated by a father and a mother. He was created a cardinal by John Paul II on 21 February 2001.
Sorry people that love each other and want the freedom to marry each other. No for you!

slog.thestranger.com

#140 | Posted by ClownShack at 2013-03-13 08:41 PM | Reply | Flag:

TOR, this article has more precise references to those prophetic concepts (they're not 'my' list): What can be expected from the final pope?

According to biblical prophecy, the last pope will be ecumenical (cf. Revelation 13:4,8,14). The last pope will be political (Revelation 13:14-17). The last pope will also perform signs that will deceive many (Revelation 13:14; 2 Thessalonians 2:9-11)–though this may not be apparent for some time, even if the pope that is next elected is that leader. The last pope will have economic influence (Revelation 13:16-17).

#141 | Posted by reitze at 2013-03-13 08:45 PM | Reply | Flag:

In 2010 he asserted that gay adoption is a form of discrimination against children,

However, if you kill the parents and let some Generalissimo's barren wife adopt them, It's cool with God.

#142 | Posted by northguy3 at 2013-03-13 08:45 PM | Reply | Flag:

Bergoglio was not exempt from this involvement: military officers have testified that Bergoglio helped the Argentine military regime hide political prisoners when human rights activists visited the country. And Bergoglio himself had to testify regarding the kidnapping of two priests who he stripped of their religious licenses shortly before they were kidnapped and tortured. This isn't just a case of Bergoglio being a member of an institution that supported a brutal regime; it's a case of Bergoglio himself having ties, direct and indirect, to that very regime.

#143 | Posted by northguy3 at 2013-03-13 08:49 PM | Reply | Flag:

Judging a Pope (who of course was elected by his very conservative Cardinal peers) through the lens of contemporary American values is problematic at best. When discussed by educated American secularists, it's a debate the newly elected Pope will lose before the discussion even begins. A more useful and relevant debate relates to where (if anywhere) the new Pope will lead the church on those issues where he realistically might choose to change course, - such as AIDS and condoms or allowing divorcees to receive the eucharist or greater tolerance towards homosexuals.

#144 | Posted by moder8 at 2013-03-13 08:49 PM | Reply | Flag:

@REITZE

"No one can know when the end times will come."

Jesus. (TBT)

#145 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 08:50 PM | Reply | Flag:

The lot of you can hate all you want he's still going to be Pope and there are so many more issues than the ones you pick at.

#146 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 08:52 PM | Reply | Flag:

@TOR
"When you see these things happening, know that the kingdom of God is near." - Luke 21:31
10 Signs That Jesus Is Coming Back Soon

#147 | Posted by reitze at 2013-03-13 08:53 PM | Reply | Flag:

#146 @TOR

IDK if you considered the quotes I posted "hate" - that's not my feeling at all, especially toward the individual. As to the Catholic church itself it would depend - they've done plenty of harm (sure plenty good too). Maybe that has something to "issues" you're referring to?

What "issues"?

#148 | Posted by reitze at 2013-03-13 08:57 PM | Reply | Flag:

But of that day and that hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels which are in heaven, neither the Son, but the Father

of. 26,27 Mt 24:36-42 25:6,13,19 Ac 1:7 1Th 5:2 2Pe 3:10 Re 3:3

#149 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 09:02 PM | Reply | Flag:

#135 | Posted by northguy3
MOAR:

The extent of the church's complicity in the dark deeds was excellently set out by Horacio Verbitsky, one of Argentina's most notable journalists, in his book El Silencio (Silence). He recounts how the Argentinian navy with the connivance of Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio, now the Jesuit archbishop of Buenos Aires, hid from a visiting delegation of the Inter-American Human Rights Commission the dictatorship's political prisoners. Bergoglio was hiding them in nothing less than his holiday home in an island called El Silencio in the River Plate. The most shaming thing for the church is that in such circumstances Bergoglio's name was allowed to go forward in the ballot to chose the successor of John Paul II.

source:
www.guardian.co.uk

(he denies it, of course.)

#140 | Posted by ClownShack

taken together, it sounds like this new Arch-Wizard is a dud right out of the gates.

A junta supporter has succeeded a Nazi -- good times!

#150 | Posted by Zarathustra at 2013-03-13 09:05 PM | Reply | Flag:

egad, thread goes from news of pope (same as the old pope) -> "final pope" -> citing biblical verses and prognosticating about the "end times".

You guys are getting a little weird.

Later.

#151 | Posted by Zarathustra at 2013-03-13 09:09 PM | Reply | Flag:

ZARATHUSTRA maybe you never heard of the cold war but it was fought world wide.

en.wikipedia.org

#152 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 09:14 PM | Reply | Flag:

Let's put it succinctly:

American liberals were not exactly fawning over Chavez, but neither did they conceal their glee about him (witness the Kennedy fossil doing commercials for free heating oil for America's poor courtesy of Chavez).
That tin horn dictator died and another Latin American is now Pope.
God works in mysterious ways, but sometimes it rains nails!
Latin American prayers were answered. Liberals might consider praying if they want similar results.

#153 | Posted by Diablo at 2013-03-13 09:33 PM | Reply | Flag:

#153 | POSTED BY DIABLO AT 2013-03-13 09:33 PM

You must be confused about what the word "succinctly" means.

#154 | Posted by ClownShack at 2013-03-13 09:37 PM | Reply | Flag:

But of that day and that hour knoweth no man, ...
#149 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 09:02 PM | Reply | Flag:

Sure TOR that wasn't the point of the prophesies listed. Those were signs of the times... but not to the granularity of a specific day during a specific hour.

Do try to keep up rather than interjecting confusion.

#155 | Posted by reitze at 2013-03-13 09:43 PM | Reply | Flag:

Liberals might consider praying if they want similar results.

we already got our Messiah!

#156 | Posted by northguy3 at 2013-03-13 09:47 PM | Reply | Flag:

I predict more boy [...] and cover-ups. Hard to expect different from a grown man who chooses to change his name to "francis" and wear a dress.

#157 | Posted by Alexandrite at 2013-03-13 09:48 PM | Reply | Flag:

Our souffle did not fall.

Everything else has or will. Gravity, it's not just a good idea, it's the law.

#158 | Posted by northguy3 at 2013-03-13 09:49 PM | Reply | Flag:

Hard to expect different from a grown man who chooses to change his name to "francis" ...

Francis Scott Key, Francis Ford Coppola and Francis the Talking Mule do not appreciate that remark.

#159 | Posted by rcade at 2013-03-13 09:53 PM | Reply | Flag:

#152 | Posted by Tor

back unexpectedly.

I've got news: this "cold war" thing -- which I've really, seriously, never heard of ever before...

...HAPPENED.

Today I learned!

What's that got to do with the new pope (same as the old pope) supporting a junta?

#160 | Posted by Zarathustra at 2013-03-13 10:02 PM | Reply | Flag:

My apologies.

New pope != old pope.

One supported the junta, the other was a Nazi.

Big diff.

#161 | Posted by Zarathustra at 2013-03-13 10:03 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Francis Scott Key, Francis Ford Coppola and Francis the Talking Mule do not appreciate that remark."

don't forget Francis "Frank" Cotton.

#162 | Posted by eberly at 2013-03-13 10:20 PM | Reply | Flag:

That was quick.

#165 | Posted by Zarathustra at 2013-03-13 10:28 PM | Reply | Flag:

Really?
"Buggery" is off limits?

Eat my shorts, rogers.

#166 | Posted by Alexandrite at 2013-03-13 10:30 PM | Reply | Flag:

buggery > tomfoolery > clontarfin' around.

#167 | Posted by Zarathustra at 2013-03-13 10:31 PM | Reply | Flag:

He was a good choice and well be a good Pope.
You got to remember that you had years of hardcore right wing Cardinals
appointed by the last Pope.
he is not going to stray much from a lot of Church dogma.
But he seems to be sincere about the care of the poor and he hid and smuggled out of Argentina in the 70s political dissidence of the Government. in other words he cares about justice to.
not only did he wash 12 feet of those who had aids he kissed there feet.
in a lot of ways this new Pope has shown bravery care for the down trodden and the sick and the poor and anti Fascists and the love of justice. this Pope ROCKS!
And he is a Jesuit to!

Que viva el Papa!!!!!

#168 | Posted by PunchyPossum at 2013-03-13 10:37 PM | Reply | Flag:

One supported the junta, the other was a Nazi.

Big diff.

#161 | Posted by Zarathustra

No he didn't once again you are wrong and spreading falsehood.

He hid and smuggled out of Argentina those who the Government wanted to kill in the 70s

#169 | Posted by PunchyPossum at 2013-03-13 10:41 PM | Reply | Flag:

Eat my shorts,

"you just bought yourself another detention, Bender"

-Principal Vernon

#170 | Posted by eberly at 2013-03-13 10:45 PM | Reply | Flag:

If being ecumenical is a sign of the anti-christ some people must have spent decades in fear of John Paul II.

#171 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 10:53 PM | Reply | Flag:

-Principal Vernon

#170 | Posted by eberly at 2013-03-13 10:45 PM | Reply | Flag

Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?

#172 | Posted by Alexandrite at 2013-03-13 11:17 PM | Reply | Flag:

@TOR, some people fear just about anything including simple phrases from a 2000 year old book without even reading it cover to cover to comprehend its meaning as instructed by their maniacal authority which proposes to be their God, Father, Holy Father, etc. They "drink the cool aid", the "opium of the masses" (lies).

#173 | Posted by reitze at 2013-03-13 11:18 PM | Reply | Flag:

The pope ain't a shabby consolation prize if you can't get the Falklands. Also, England broke ranks with the papacy shortly before Anne Boleyn became Henry VIII's #2 squeeze, so there's not that worry either.

#114 | Posted by goatman

Goat - I sense a holy crusade to regain the Falklands (and all the oil around them) in the name of the Holy See.

#174 | Posted by northguy3 at 2013-03-13 11:22 PM | Reply | Flag:

@ #173

You were trolling then?

#175 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 11:33 PM | Reply | Flag:

In Argentina the crowds yelled, "Pooooooooope"!!!!!

Thank goodness he named himself Francis.

Pope Mario would have a different ring for sure.

#176 | Posted by MURPHY at 2013-03-14 10:22 AM | Reply | Flag:

"Tor,

He took his name from Francis Xavier,a Jesuit, not Francis of Assisi.
#79 | Posted by Grendel at 2013-03-13 04:06 PM"

Possibly, but then maybe Francis Xavier got his name from St. Francis Assisi.

Meanwhile, the Vatican deputy spokesman claims the new pope's name choice is for St. Francis Assissi:

"(CNN) -- Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio of Argentina, the new pope, is breaking historic ground by choosing the name Francis.

It's the first time the name is being used by a pope, said CNN Vatican expert John Allen.

Pope Francis chose his name in honor of St. Francis of Assisi because he is a lover of the poor, said Vatican deputy spokesman Thomas Rosica.

'Cardinal Bergoglio had a special place in his heart and his ministry for the poor, for the disenfranchised, for those living on the fringes and facing injustice,' Rosica said."

edition.cnn.com

#177 | Posted by TrueBlue at 2013-03-14 11:14 AM | Reply | Flag:

Trueblue and Tor.

There seems to be some discrepancy over which saint the name evokes. It easily evokes both of them. I thought, however, it was more inclined to Francis Xavier because of the Jesuit connection.

#178 | Posted by Grendel at 2013-03-14 12:40 PM | Reply | Flag:

Xavier's zeal and Francis of Assisi's humility is the way I heard it put.

#179 | Posted by Corky at 2013-03-14 12:49 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Trueblue and Tor.

There seems to be some discrepancy over which saint the name evokes. It easily evokes both of them. I thought, however, it was more inclined to Francis Xavier because of the Jesuit connection.
#178 | Posted by Grendel at 2013-03-14 12:40 PM"

Of course, either (or neither!) is possible. You'll note that "Pope Francis I" did not choose to be "Pope Ignatius I" (highlighting St. Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits). Combining that with what has been reported about Pope Francis' life and the statement from the Vatican deputy spokesman, it seems more likely that the connection is to St. Francis of Assisi.

#180 | Posted by TrueBlue at 2013-03-14 01:50 PM | Reply | Flag:

Of course, either (or neither!) is possible. You'll note that "Pope Francis I" did not choose to be "Pope Ignatius I" (highlighting St. Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits).

St. Francis Xavier was a student of St Ignatious Loyola. I thought the current pope chose the name Franics to highlight that relationship that he himself has with his order and its founder--a student--it speaks to humility. . But as you point out it may very well be to St. Francis of Assisi. Either way it works.

PAX

#181 | Posted by Grendel at 2013-03-14 02:07 PM | Reply | Flag:

Pope Frankie I - has a certain ring to it.

#182 | Posted by Doc_Sarvis at 2013-03-14 06:17 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Pope Frankie I - has a certain ring to it.
#182 | Posted by Doc_Sarvis at 2013-03-14 06:17 PM"

A papal ring ;-)

#183 | Posted by TrueBlue at 2013-03-14 06:35 PM | Reply | Flag:

Screw the catholic church, no american pope!

#58 | Posted by moneywar at 2013-03-13

Given that Etchy was out of a job he could have put his hat in the ring.
Now that would have been really something; the first American Mormon Pope!

#184 | Posted by Sord at 2013-03-14 09:03 PM | Reply | Flag:

wikifact:

"Vatican deputy spokesman Thomas Rosica said the same day that the new pontiff had chosen the name in honor of Saint Francis of Assisi, and had done so because the new pontiff was a lover of the poor."

#185 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-14 09:20 PM | Reply | Flag:

Luciferian Black Pope, the Superior Jesuit General

#186 | Posted by reitze at 2013-03-14 10:07 PM | Reply | Flag:

The speculation about the source for Pope Francis' name is over:

"Although Pope Francis is a Jesuit, he chose his papal name not in honor of St. Francis Xavier, a co-founder of the Society of Jesus, but rather in honor of St. Francis of Assisi. It's a significant choice.

Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York, a member of the 115-member conclave that elected Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio as the 266th pope, told NBC News that the new pope explained his choice of name at the gathering Wednesday."

worldnews.nbcnews.com

#187 | Posted by TrueBlue at 2013-03-15 09:19 AM | Reply | Flag:

"(CNN) -- Although somewhat unexpected, the election of Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio to succeed Benedict XVI has the air of a safe, compromise decision.

At age 76, he does not have the physical vibrancy and personal dynamism that a younger man might have brought to Rome. Vatican watchers did not consider Bergoglio a front-runner and his name was not considered in speculation, even as the previously unimaginable selection of an American was widely discussed in the Italian media."

edition.cnn.com

It'll be interesting to see how this papacy develops.

I recall similar comments being made at the election of Pope John XXIII. He went on to initiate many, extensive changes during his short tenure.

#188 | Posted by TrueBlue at 2013-03-15 02:09 PM | Reply | Flag:

Pope Francis meets with the media to charm, crack jokes, and to explain his choice of "Francis":

"Let me tell you a story," he said softly. "During the election, when things became dangerously close (to Bergoglio's selection), a few archbishops who sat next to me comforted me.

"Then, when the (conclave) vote reached two-thirds, they hugged me and one said, 'Don't forget the poor.' That entered my head. The poor. I thought of Saint Francis of Assisi. That's when it entered my heart."

www.usatoday.com

#189 | Posted by TrueBlue at 2013-03-16 12:24 PM | Reply | Flag:

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