Ancient Text Describes Shape-Shifting Jesus

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

A newly deciphered Egyptian text, dating back 1,200 years, tells the crucifixion story of Jesus with some plot twists that have never been seen before. Written in the Coptic language, the text tells of Pontius Pilate, the judge who authorized Jesus' crucifixion, having dinner with Jesus before his crucifixion and offering to sacrifice his own son in the place of Jesus. It also states that Judas used a kiss to betray Jesus because Jesus had the ability to change shape and puts the day of his arrest on Tuesday rather than Thursday, contravening the Easter timeline.

Posted by BruceBanner at 08:31 PM | 41 COMMENTS | permalink | Comment on This Entry |

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BruceBanner

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While apocryphal stories about Pilate are known from ancient times, translator Roelof van den Broek told LiveScience he has never seen this one before, with Pilate offering to sacrifice his own son in the place of Jesus.

"Without further ado, Pilate prepared a table and he ate with Jesus on the fifth day of the week. And Jesus blessed Pilate and his whole house," the text reads. Pilate later tells Jesus, "well then, behold, the night has come, rise and withdraw, and when the morning comes and they accuse me because of you, I shall give them the only son I have so that they can kill him in your place."

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Correct me if I'm wrong here, but in the current Bible, the people didn't recognize Jesus after he rose from the dead. He had to let them put their hands in his wounds before they believed.

#1 | Posted by BruceBanner at 2013-03-13 02:02 PM | Reply | Flag:

Egyptian sci-fi written 800 years after the events.

#2 | Posted by Corky at 2013-03-13 02:05 PM | Reply | Flag:

Shape shifting makes as much sense as any other facet of the Jesus myth, though I'd rather be the benefactor of the wine to water thing.

#3 | Posted by goatman at 2013-03-13 02:15 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Correct me if I'm wrong here, but in the current Bible, the people didn't recognize Jesus after he rose from the dead. He had to let them put their hands in his wounds before they believed."

That's one of the more peculiar parts of the gospel to me. Thomas required proof and was sainted in spite of that lack of faith. And he knew Jesus intimately. Anybody coming after him who had any doubt, anybody who knew only of the stories and could never have proof, was out of luck.

#4 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2013-03-13 02:39 PM | Reply | Flag:

Thomas required proof and was sainted in spite of that lack of faith.

#4 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2013-03-13 02:39 PM | Reply | Flag

Thomas was speaking for the GOATMEN of the world.

Thomas may have thought, up until the point he put his hands in the wounds, that Jesus was somehow faking it all before that time. Thomas is a testament to how living in the material world warps our perceptions of reality. The forgoing statement is, of course, counter-intuitive to any rational-materialist.

#5 | Posted by Zed at 2013-03-13 04:20 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Thomas required proof and was sainted in spite of that lack of faith."

Perhaps his lack of faith, directed toward what the other humans were telling him, was not the same as a lack of faith in what his beloved Jesus has taught and showed him.
Thomas and Peter are loveable Apostles as they wore their human frailties on the sleeve.

#6 | Posted by Diablo at 2013-03-13 06:31 PM | Reply | Flag:

-Thomas required proof and was sainted in spite of that lack of faith.

Thomas was sainted long after he took the gospel to India and died alone when he refused to recount the teaching. He was speared to death.

All but one of the apostles died alone teaching the Way far from home, when they could have saved their life with a word of renunciation.

None did.

They weren't with their pals, plotters in some grand lie, some say. Other say that they did not recant, no one would have known, adds credibility to the idea that they themselves, at least, believed what they taught.

#7 | Posted by Corky at 2013-03-13 07:09 PM | Reply | Flag:

#3 | Posted by goatman
"I'd rather be the benefactor of the wine to water thing."

Yeah, pretty sure you got that backwards.
Had he turned wine to water, they'd have crucified him a lot sooner.

#8 | Posted by TheTom at 2013-03-13 07:31 PM | Reply | Flag:

Interesting.

Likely apocryphal but there has always been question as to how Jesus walked through the crowd that wanted to hurt him.

#9 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 09:04 PM | Reply | Flag:

Or how he walked with his Apostles explaining the recent awful events through scripture until He revealed Himself to them as in John.

#10 | Posted by Diablo at 2013-03-13 09:12 PM | Reply | Flag:

And likely apocryphal, Tor, but I venture further and bet it is Gnostic, not Coptic. Time will tell.

#11 | Posted by Diablo at 2013-03-13 09:13 PM | Reply | Flag:

After watching Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" I could see how they messed him up so badly that you'd have to look closely to verify that he was the right person being crucified.

#12 | Posted by BruceBanner at 2013-03-13 09:14 PM | Reply | Flag:

I've read that some books also say that Thomas and Jesus looked a lot alike.

In the dark this would be even more confusing so identifying the right one might be needed.

#13 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 09:21 PM | Reply | Flag:

I've read that some books also say that Thomas and Jesus looked a lot alike.

#13 | Posted by Tor at 2013

No physical description of Jesus is ever provided. Likewise, none of Thomas that I'm aware. So, in a way, you are quite correct.

#14 | Posted by Zed at 2013-03-13 09:39 PM | Reply | Flag:

Yup more gnostic texts there was a lot of them written hundreds of years after Christ.

Thomas wanted proof that Christ was risen in body and not just a spirit.

#15 | Posted by PunchyPossum at 2013-03-13 09:50 PM | Reply | Flag:

No physical description of Jesus is ever provided. Likewise, none of Thomas that I'm aware. So, in a way, you are quite correct.

#14 | POSTED BY ZED AT 2013-03-13 09:39 PM | FLAG:

Where did the Jesus image come from then? Made up like Santa Claus?

#16 | Posted by BruceBanner at 2013-03-13 10:51 PM | Reply | Flag:

And likely apocryphal, Tor, but I venture further and bet it is Gnostic, not Coptic. Time will tell.

#11 | Posted by Diablo at 2013-03-13 09:13 PM | Reply | Flag

Gnostic refers to a philosophy (the word, in fact, derives from the Greek word "gnōsis", meaning "knowledge"). Coptic refers to a language and culture. Two completely different things. BUT. Gnostic materials could certainly be written in Coptic and Coptic speakers and readers could certainly have had access to Gnostic works, but the two terms are NOT interchangeable.

#17 | Posted by Anotherjoe at 2013-03-13 10:53 PM | Reply | Flag:

I think the name Thomas means "twin".

#18 | Posted by Tor at 2013-03-13 10:57 PM | Reply | Flag:

Egyptian sci-fi written 800 years after the events.

LOL funny how certain fantastical things are so easily brushed aside despite the wholehearted beliefs in other fantastical things.

#19 | Posted by jpw at 2013-03-13 11:10 PM | Reply | Flag:

This is a much more interesting version of biblical events, I like it.

More and more, Jesus starts to look like an alien being, come to Earth to help us poor souls evolve to the next level of existence. Not too shabby a belief...

Life without mysticism is bland.

#20 | Posted by danv at 2013-03-14 12:14 AM | Reply | Flag:

Of course, what they know about the quantum world must also be rather limited to hold such an arrogant view of their own, "great understanding".

www.bigquestionsonline.com

#21 | Posted by Corky at 2013-03-14 12:38 AM | Reply | Flag:

modern form:

[which] assault rifle would jesus carry?

hmm...well, which one does this one look like?

#22 | Posted by Zarathustra at 2013-03-14 01:06 AM | Reply | Flag:

reptoid jesus!

santa jesus?

easter bunny jesus!

#23 | Posted by Zarathustra at 2013-03-14 01:09 AM | Reply | Flag:

let's roll the die one more time and bestow upon him yet ANOTHER +7 magical power...!

#24 | Posted by Zarathustra at 2013-03-14 01:11 AM | Reply | Flag:

funny how some people dismiss multiple accounts of the same events written down within 20 to 30 years in favor of supposed records of the same events written 800 years later,

I don't dismiss what's written in the Bible, I just keep it in context-stories written by scientifically illiterate goat herders who lived in a world largely explained by "God did it".

And where did I say "in favor of anything"? I was merly pointing out the inconsistency in disbelieving some fantastical thing written by ancient man over other fantastical things written by ancient man.

and see no difference in the varsity of the two....

I see no difference between the two. I think they're equally questionable as they are written by men.

based on the idea that they already know everything that is possible, and that isn't, in our reality.

Now you're just being a whiny [...]. Grow up.

Of course, what they know about the quantum world must also be rather limited to hold such an arrogant view of their own, "great understanding".

And true to form, corky thinks he's right because he can c&p a website that agrees with him.

#25 | Posted by jpw at 2013-03-14 09:00 AM | Reply | Flag:

they themselves, at least, believed what they taught.
#7 | Posted by Corky

....so do the jihadists when they blow themselves up ....
..
... and so does Mitt in the power of his magic underwear ....
...
.... the ability to believe is a two-edged sword in human development ...

#26 | Posted by skizziks at 2013-03-14 09:12 AM | Reply | Flag:

"If you believe in me, divide into sects, then kill and hurt as many people in the other sects as you possibly can" JESUS

#27 | Posted by nutcase at 2013-03-14 10:56 AM | Reply | Flag:

#26 From what little I know about Christianity, Islam, and Mormonism, there is a stark difference between the three situations you discuss

Jihadists believe they earn eternal life from an act of blowing themselves up. They have something to gain in that act.

Mormons hold to a works based system, you do things to earn your way into eternal life. Also important, unlike the two other examples, Mormons are not giving up their life for their underwear wearing habits.

Christianity is clear that no one who is merely human can earn their way into eternal life. The apostles dying for the message the spread earns them no special guarantee of eternal life. They had nothing to gain in dying for it if they knew it was made up (as some contend they conspired together to create the story in order to gain position and notoriety in the culture of the time).

It seems the Jihadist are dying because they think they will be owed something for their death, Mormons aren't dying for their underwear, and the apostles refused to recant their faith even though it would not earn them special privilege whether it was true or false.

#28 | Posted by HeuristicGratis at 2013-03-14 11:30 AM | Reply | Flag:

#25 I can understand the premise and agree with it, yes.

#29 | Posted by Corky at 2013-03-14 11:49 AM | Reply | Flag:

Jesus' real name was Zan; Mary's was Jayna.

#30 | Posted by kanrei at 2013-03-14 11:56 AM | Reply | Flag:

....my point was that the fervency of the belief, is not related to the correctness of the belief .....
...
.... ... people can come to believe all sorts of utter nonsense, and be quite willing to sacrifice their lives for the beliefs, even when they are demonstrably wrong ...

#31 | Posted by skizziks at 2013-03-14 12:07 PM | Reply | Flag:

#31 That may very well have been your point. The problem with what you typed to make that point is, it was apples, to oranges, to grapes when it came to examples.

You replied to a specific situation of the apostles and compared it to two distinctly different situations.

#32 | Posted by HeuristicGratis at 2013-03-14 12:15 PM | Reply | Flag:

#31 My point, made centuries ago by others, was that purposeful liars and plotters would not go to their deaths unnecessarily for a lie, especially when none of their fellow conspirators were around to see them recant.

Which leads towards this event not being a conspiracy of lies, but the real believe of real people, whether they were correct or not.

Now, some same it is physically impossible, as if they know what what is and is not possible, for those events to have occurred, so they cannot believe they did.

Which is why I pointed to, "an argument against the philosophy called materialism (or "physicalism"), which is the main intellectual opponent of belief in God in today's world."

www.bigquestionsonline.com

#33 | Posted by Corky at 2013-03-14 12:16 PM | Reply | Flag:

some say

#34 | Posted by Corky at 2013-03-14 12:16 PM | Reply | Flag:

..
some sing, some dance .
..

#35 | Posted by skizziks at 2013-03-14 12:40 PM | Reply | Flag:

Sarah Silverman was right. Jesus is Magic.

#36 | Posted by donnerboy at 2013-03-14 02:27 PM | Reply | Flag:

More and more, Jesus starts to look like an alien being, come to Earth to help us poor souls evolve to the next level of existence. Not too shabby a belief...

Life without mysticism is bland.

#20 | Posted by danv

Obviously Jesus was an alien. He wasn't from Earth.

#37 | Posted by donnerboy at 2013-03-14 02:29 PM | Reply | Flag:

#19
LOL funny how some people dismiss multiple accounts of the same events written down within 20 to 30 years in favor of supposed records of the same events written 800 years later, and see no difference in the varsity of the two.... based on the idea that they already know everything that is possible, and that isn't, in our reality.
Of course, what they know about the quantum world must also be rather limited to hold such an arrogant view of their own, "great understanding".
www.bigquestionsonline.com
#21 | Posted by Corky at 2013-03-14 12:38 AM

I know, it's as if they believe in an entirely different Krishna altogether! Christ, people!

It would also appear that the Egyptian Amun, Mut and Khonsu the Thebian Triad are also celebrated in India as Krishna, Subhadra and Balaram as the Puri Triad.

#38 | Posted by redlightrobot at 2013-03-14 03:33 PM | Reply | Flag:

#38 Jesus' tomb is actually a fairly popular tourist attraction in India.

#39 | Posted by Corky at 2013-03-14 04:08 PM | Reply | Flag:

.... "Pilate later tells Jesus, "well then, behold, the night has come, rise and withdraw, and when the morning comes and they accuse me because of you, I shall give them the only son I have so that they can kill him in your place."

**** Probably one of the earliest examples of Editorial,Right-Wing Spin!!!

#40 | Posted by AntiCadillac at 2013-03-15 03:14 AM | Reply | Flag:

Jesus drove a Honda but didn't talk about it. "For I did not speak of my own accord" - John 12:49.

#41 | Posted by sames1 at 2013-03-15 10:28 AM | Reply | Flag: