Drudge Retort: Red Meat for Yellow Dogs

Everyone has a favorite or funny Christmas Memory. Well, most everyone ;o). Tis the season to be Thankful and Blessed and Jolly. So tell us your story and Wish all on the Drudge Retort a very merry Christmas and Hanukkah.

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MURPHY

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Best memory--when I was about 6 or 7--you know the last years or so when you are doubting Saint Nick and then realize (some mean kid at school tells you) it's your parents.


I went and spent the night under the Christmas tree in the living room. I told everyone I was going to catch Santa and know for sure if he was real or not!

I woke up about 1 am and took my blanket to the tree and fell asleep.

When I woke up the next morning--ALL the presents were under the tree! The tree lights were on and the cookies were gone!

Santa had been there and I missed him!

LOL--

My parents had the biggest laugh though putting the presents out and me never waking up.

Merry Christmas and a happy new year to all. Next year I have decided to be a kinder and more tolerant poster, I will try to listen to the Lefties on this site with more understanding and a greater appreciation of their views. Oh Puke Liberals will be just as ignorant and stupid as ever and I could never be any nicer than I already am...


Merry Christmas Ataxpayer...


Merry Xmas to you danni...

Atax--

Do you have a favorite Christmas?

Got your favorite toy?

Or got your tongue stuck on the metal pole???

When back in Wisconsin, I always played gags on my older kids at Christmas.

One year, my oldest son wanted a certain pair of basketball shoes. I wrapped up one. Kept the other hidden. Another year, he got half a cue stick.

The joke with my daughter is every year
my daughter gets toe socks with the seperate spaces for her toes...the crazier the better. She doesn't like wearing them but looks forward to seeing what I come up with every year.

My third child loves heavy metal and I had my daughter tell him I got him a CD from a young kids group. I handed him the CD and he just put it down saying thanks mom and left it unopened. After giving him a couple more gifts, I rehanded him the CD which again he put down saying thanks...not opening it. I kept that up till it was the last gift and then I pretended I was upset that he hadn't opened it. He reluctantly opened it then and was suprised to see that it was the CD he actually wanted.

This year, my nine year old started snooping early for his gifts which were safely wrapped and left with my next door neighbor. But, I left a receipt from Christmas shopping on the kitchen table....a receipt I borrowed from my friend from when she did her shopping. My son told his father that he found it and my ex said our son sounded disappointed he was getting a Barbie doll, Play Dough and Hana Montana video. LOL

We can't wait to see his face tomorrow morning. I bet he doesn't wake up before the crack of dawn to open THOSE presents up!!

My best Christmas memories are that my kids call me every year to laugh and giggle about the pranks I used to play on them.

The best memory I ever had was when my daughter called me one year to talk about past Christmas memories and she said, "outside of the reason for the season, you are the second reason Christmas is so special Mom. Thanks!"

Brings tears to my eyes just typing that.




Yes I do it was the DAY AFTER Christmas when I was just a little Ataxpayer up on the roof of our home with my new pellet gun. This was no ordinary pellet gun but a 22 caliber with a scope. I had been shooting it all day and as the sun set I ran out of targets so I climbed onto the roof and took aim at the neighbors Christmas lights, shooting them out one by one until I heard the sound of my fathers voice. He made me go over and tell the neighbor what I had done, to my surprise he was not mad at all he even laughed it off. I thought it was funny too until they both agreed I would be paying for all the damage and working around his house painting and mowing. The next year the old man who had laughed it off so well remembering his own childhood died just before Christmas. I still think about him every year and the lesson I learned...

Great stuff there INWI...lol

LOL Thanks Murph!

I forgot that I would write the names of reindeer on the gifts and put them under the tree early and they spent hours trying to figure out whose presents were whose.

LOL

Great stories Murph and Atax!!

Thanks for putting up this thread Murph. I'm sure it will be fun!

I'm off to start celebrating my wedding anniversary today.

Have a Blessed Christmas everyone!!!

I remember one year, when I was a kid, Hannukah that year shared a night with Christmas, and, for the first time in my life, I got a present on the same day my friends did. I felt like part of the group. I remember my best friend, Eric, making fun of me (like friends do) that I only got one present while he got tons, but I got the last laugh the next night when he got nothing and I had 3 more nights of gifts to come.

Merry Christmas. May Santa be generous.

My parents had the biggest laugh
#1 | Posted by MURPHY

.....so being a gullible dumbass is not a recent development.....

Back in 88, my younger brother and I partying and spending about four 1/2 hours till the wee hours of the morning assembling a GI Joe Aircraft Carrier (approx 5 Ft long) for my 9y/o son's surprise on Christmas morning.

#10 | Posted by skizziks at 2009-12-24 02:02 PM

OUCH Even I have recognized a cessation in hostilities, well except for calling KLIFFERD a dick bag but at least I said Merry Christmas first...

My favorite x-mas memory is my drunk mom falling into the tree and having to go to the hospital two days later because of a blood clot.

Merry Damn Christmas!

Goot thread, murph, and good stories.

Let's see some pictures! I love pictures.

OUCH Even I have recognized a cessation in hostilities, well except for calling KLIFFERD a dick bag but at least I said Merry Christmas first...
.....#12 | Posted by ATaxpayer

.....Merry Christmas to all.....

....friends and foes alike......

.....may everyone enjoy the holidays with their families.......


#13 | Posted by Beachbuzz

.....blood clots are funny that way.....

I always hated decorating the tree with my mom. She was so anal about it and it took all the fun out of it. One of her 'things' was the tinsel. We kids would throw it on, but she would get mad and make us take one strand (!) at a time and drape it just so.

I just got where to I avoided the decorating of the tree every year.

Christmas 1957; My mother tried to kick my father, missed, and fell on her ass breaking her tail bone.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

My best Christmas Memory?

It's from '89-I was back in College-during the Christmas break-I was told my stepfather had died.

I couldn't afford to party-but for the first time in my life-I was able to relax-and enjoy the fact that I had outlived both of my parents.

After watching me watch the skies for years, my parents finally caught on. The xmas that changed my observing habits:

xmas 1968

Christmas 1957; My mother tried to kick my father, missed, and fell on her ass breaking her tail bone.

My xmas 1957:

i239.photobucket.com

Don't remember the year but the family all gathered in Vermont for Christmas. My parents owned a Christmas Tree farm about 20 miles from the resort. It had been closed for a few years but they decided hey lets get a tree from our own farm. So we drove out there, found the fence was locked and no one had the key. My dad was like no problem just climb over, yep you guessed it along come the cops, about 20 min. later after they are convinced that we are breaking into our own property. We go in and start looking for a tree well I think I mentioned it had been closed a few years so the trees had gone wild, with the car a few acres back we were not hauling a 20 foot tree besides in a rental condo we couldn't fit a 20 foot tree. We looked for a while and finaly found a 4 foot tall seedling, my dad being the stuborn guy he is decided that would be the tree. We cut it haul it back to the car hoist it over the fence strap it to the car and head back to the resort.

Well by the time we get there what we have looks like a tree they decided NOT to use in the Charlie Brown Christmas special.

My dad of course refused to go get a real tree so there we are in a posh resort with a Charlie Brown tree. So on Christmas morning the whole family (about 20 of us) gathered around the most pathetic tree it ever took 6 hours to get.

Of course maybe I just have fond memories of that Christmas cause my mom told me last month she is selling the christmas tree farm off.

Love the pics goat.

The high waters circa 1968 were great :)

My kids enjoyed the old time Christmas Pictures (sorry not trying to make you feel old on Christmas Eve)

The high waters circa 1968 were great :)

LOL. I always had high waters. My mom had a hard time finding pants to fit me because I was so skinny and had long legs. So it was either high waters or droopy pants. This was decades before it was fashionable to publicly display your underwear (indeed, it was quite embarrassing for even a fraction of it to be seen!) so it was always high waters for me.

Goat,

Years younger than you but I had the same problem till about high school when I started running cross country and lifting weights and bulked up enough to wear decenct sizes.

BTW my dad (mentioned above) also served in the Navy. He was submarines from 1964 (graduated USNA) till 1977. I think sturgon class but been awhile and he's no longer around to ask.

My granddaughter loves books even though she is only 19 mos old. I gave her some last week since I wea going to be offshore for xmas. She got so excited and hopped up on my lap so I could read them to her.


i239.photobucket.com

i239.photobucket.com


......when my wife and I were first married, we moved into a small basement apartment.....there was no room for a real tree, and we both worked full time plus, so there was little time for a Christmas.....I found an eighteen inch high plastic tree at a Woolworth's and got some decorations including tinsel.....we decorated that tree in the days before Christmas......and we had a cat at that time....he ate all the tinsel one day while we were at work.....and he crapped it out one piece at a time over several days.....but it would not come out at once....and he was going around the apartment dragging tinsel out of his arse for a week.......

LOL--are you making that up Skizz?


That is too funny.

G-Man--

The photo in #20 of your sister--looks so much like your grand daughter in #26.


LOL--are you making that up Skizz?
....#28 | Posted by MURPHY

......all true.....cat's name was Charlie.......

Skizz - my wife and I experienced the same thing with our cat Tiger. But we had so much tinsel on the tree we didn't know he had been eating it until one evening I saw him napping by a present under the tree and noticed something shiney hanging out of his arse. It wasn't until I began pulling on it that I realized what it was. He meowed until it came out and we laughed for hours.

One year when I was a child we had barely a Christmas and a couple of months later while scouting around the kitchen found several empty money cards from great aunts hidden under a doily atop the fridge. My eight year old mind couldn't figure it out - WHY didn't my mom give them to us?

Needless to say I held a grudge for several years and finally let it go.

I figured she probably bought food for our family as we were not all that well off at the time.

One year we were so poor while building our cabin we made gift certificates to give to our two! They thought it was the greatest gesture and could barely wait until a few weeks later for us to make good on them!

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL Y'ALL!

If u have a bad back and don't sleep well - GET A MEMORY FOAM MATTRESS TOPPER! First morning in 20 years I awakened without pain!

There is a 10 year difference in ages between my younger brother and me.

My favorite Christmas was when I first got to stay up and be Santa's helper assembling his toys and playing cards with my parents and both grandmothers until the wee hours.

The firt year I earned my very own money to spend on Christmas gifts for my family.

I learned that the joy of giving was so much better than the joy of receiving.

Now that I'm older, I have a feeling my parents planned it that way. They always had a special way of teaching us kids the things they knew we'd need later in life.


Merry Christmas All!

...except you fucking liberal fucks who support this massive shit pile of a health care bill.

Even Howard Dean thinks it is a big chunk of dog shit.

Our family tradition was for 'the men' to go as a group to the various tree lots and pick out THE tree. Given that it was in Beertown (Milwaukee to the rest of you), it took a certain amount of stamina to brave the cold & wind while staying "Merry".

One particularly cold year, we found a huge tree (we ALWAYS seemed to think the ceiling was taller than it really was!) that had a full/gorgeous foliage on the top half and the bottom half, but there was about two feet in the middle which was strangely sparse. Amazingly, Pop decided to get that tree anyway and, after we got it home, he proceeded to cut the two feet out of the middle and drilled/peg-spliced the two sections back together. It worked (and looked!) FABULOUS!!! That whole holiday time, whenever folks/friends dropped by, they remarked how incredibly beautiful our tree looked. We all nodded and smiled. Nothing like an inside joke...

Yamaha 90 Enduro...... to me like a Red Rider BB gun at the time. Best Christmas before or since!

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL Y'ALL!

If u have a bad back and don't sleep well - GET A MEMORY FOAM MATTRESS TOPPER! First morning in 20 years I awakened without pain!

#33 | Posted by nanc


Agreed. Walmart sells them for a reasonable price. 1.5 to 4" is the normal size.

playing cards with my parents and both grandmothers until the wee hours.

#34 | Posted by silver_ironist at 2009-12-24 09:08 PM

That just brought back some good memories. I remember the first time I was able to sit in and play. Used to play 31. 15 cents per person.lol

The best Christmas was when I saw that shiny Schwinn Ten Speed when I was about 10. Rode that sucker all day...

Having a partridge fly up between my legs in 2 feet powder at Alta. Its the best ski day of an otherwise crowded holiday season, which I usually enjoy because I celebrate Christmas on Christmas eve.

I remember I was about 21 and I remember being invited to the house of some relatives for the holidays. Well they actually only did it to trick me. I ended having to spend the night in the bus station and taking a greyhound home since it was cheaper than changing my flight. 16 hrs on the bus sucked. What a shitty way to spend xmas. This is how republicans act. People wonder why I hate republicans and the holidays.

Forgot to add I made it to the airport of their city and when nobody picked up I knew something was funny. I finally got ahold of a cousin of mine who told me they only invited me so I would waste a bunch of money on a flight.

I, like Lisa, am a bit of a prankster. For several years now I have been giving my oldest Grandchild car parts as one of here gifts. The first year was the best though. I wrapped a sparkplug and gave it to her when she was 9. If you could of seen the look on her face. Like a puppy trying to understand something. She's 15 now and I'm running out of cheap car parts to buy for her. This year she got me back. She rolled out a sheet of brown paper from a roll, drew a car and had ALL the previous gifts in place where they would be on a real car so I got to put the air filter (this years present) in the proper place. Next Christmas I will give her my 1996 Lincoln Town Car. It'll be a good first car for her.

The photo in #20 of your sister--looks so much like your grand daughter in #26.

Good eye, murph. I noticed the same thing when I was scanning those slides and several other people who have seen them said the same thing.

My dad would always do something devious with the gifts. One year he put codes on all the "to" labels and kept the key until xmas morning. So we had no idea which gifts were our own until then. Another time he got this acrylic 3D maze that you had to work a ball through for it to open. Inside the maze, he had inserted a $100 bill which was clearly visible through the clear acrylic. Another year he made us go through a 'treasure hunt' process following clues around the house and yard to get us to our gifts. Another time he somehow got gifts into a sealed can and hid all the canopeners in the house. Another time he built lockboxes out of wood and put the gifts in tere with a combination lock and gave us clues we had to figure out to get the combination. Clues like, "What is the square root of the number of people in US congress". He's a rascal, my dad is.

So you have always been a jackass even to your family, J.A.?

Well nobody deserves that treatment. Merry Christmas to you anyway!

Great thread Murph!

Besides right now. I remember camping on the East coast of Florida. Stopping at the only place opened on Christmas day, it was a tackle shop. Eating potted meat and nabs crackers for Christmas dinner. Another time was getting busted by the Park Service cutting a cedar on Merit island. They let us go, because it was Christmas.

New Health Care Bill under the tree! Republicans licking their wounds, crying and whining.

It's a wonderful life......

Hands-down when my little sister sat on Santa's lap at Sears when she was 3 and peed all over him.

#37 | Posted by TrueBlue

Now THAT is great ingenuity on a tree!

My parents would use different wrapping paper for each girl. There were 4 of us--so we had no idea who had what color and so we wouldn't peek.


BTW--I am really good at the Carnac thing and guessing what the present is by shaking it.


Some people get a kick out of it and some people--like my youngest sister--get really mad.

:o) lol

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