Favorite Zappa Lyrics | Drudge Retort

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Not for the young or squeemish. Post your favorite Zappa lyrics. "Kenny's Little Creatures" is my nomination.

Posted by diablo at 09:01 PM | 92 COMMENTS | permalink | Comment on This Entry

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diablo

Paul Drake

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Visited 2009/11/08

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Evelyn, a modified dog
Viewed the quivering fringe of a special doily
Draped across the piano, with some surprise

In the darkened room
Where the chairs dismayed
And the horrible curtains
Muffled the rain
She could hardly believe her eyes

A curious breeze
A garlic breath
Which sounded like a snore
Somewhere near the Steinway (or even from within)
Had caused the doily fringe to waft & tremble in the gloom

Evelyn, a dog, having undergone
Further modification
Pondered the significance of short-person behavior
In pedal-depressed panchromatic resonance
And other highly ambient domains...

Arf she said

Evelyn, A Modified Dog by Frank Zappa
(From the album One Size Fits All)

#1 | Posted by cookfish at 2009-10-18 09:10 PM | Reply | Flag:

Whoa! I forgot that one, Cookfish. TY!

#2 | Posted by Diablo at 2009-10-18 09:13 PM | Reply | Flag:

I should get a Nobel Prize for that, except I'm not black, inexperienced, or surrounded by adoring knee-jerk eunuchs. Where is Danforth tonight, anyway?

#3 | Posted by cookfish at 2009-10-18 09:21 PM | Reply | Flag:

Awww...you planning on taking my name again, my bitch?

#4 | Posted by Danforth at 2009-10-18 09:24 PM | Reply | Flag:

Just wondering where the eunuchs were, Danny. Thanks for sounding off. LOL.

#5 | Posted by cookfish at 2009-10-18 09:26 PM | Reply | Flag:

God, you don't even need bait for some of 'em!

#6 | Posted by cookfish at 2009-10-18 09:26 PM | Reply | Flag:

"I should get a Nobel Prize for that"

And Cookie the Dumbshit continues the unbroken string of ignorance, seemingly unaware Obama neither nominated himself, nor voted for himself. Topping that off, the idiot is so clueless, he still thinks the voting happened within two weeks of inauguration day.

#7 | Posted by Danforth at 2009-10-18 09:26 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Just wondering where the eunuchs were, Danny."

In your mirror, wifey.

#8 | Posted by Danforth at 2009-10-18 09:27 PM | Reply | Flag:

I nominate Cookfish for the Nobel Prize. He did nothing and made me feel good by posting excellent Zappa lyrics. That's more than Obama ever did for peace.

#9 | Posted by Diablo at 2009-10-18 09:29 PM | Reply | Flag:

Go back and drink a little more, you miserable old coot. You're not even trying, or if you are, you're sucking at it. Come back when the bottle's empty, and I'll make a disparaging remark about unions and/or gays to get ya going.

#10 | Posted by cookfish at 2009-10-18 09:29 PM | Reply | Flag:

The Air

The air
Escaping from your mouth
The hair
Escaping from your nose
My heart
Escaping from the scraping
And the shaping
Of the draping...
Im awaking
In a t-shirt
In a chevy
At a beach
And Im freezing
And Im wheezing
And I know
You were only teasing
Then I hit you
And I beat you
And told you
That I love you
In my car
In a jar

The air
Escaping from your pits
The hair
Escaping from my teeth
My hands
Are gripping
But theyre slipping
And theyre dripping
cause Im tripping
I got busted
Coming through customs
With a suitcase
Full of tapes
It was special
Tape recording
And they grabbed me
While I was boarding
Then they hit me
And they beat me
And they told me
They dont like me
And I crashed
In my nash
We can crash
In my nash
Etc.

#11 | Posted by Dave at 2009-10-18 09:31 PM | Reply | Flag:

I nominate Cookfish for the Nobel Prize. He did nothing and made me feel good by posting excellent Zappa lyrics. That's more than Obama ever did for peace.

According to Danforth that's all it takes. Maybe I might have to sign a few things and read off a teleprompter for a bit, but hey, if it's good enough for Dannyboy and Barack........

#12 | Posted by cookfish at 2009-10-18 09:31 PM | Reply | Flag:

The nuclear option: lyrics to "The Torture Never Stops"

Flies all green and buzzin',
in this dungeon of despair.
Prisoners grumble and piss their clothes,
and scratch their matted hair.
A tiny light, from a window hole,
a hundred yards away,
is all they ever gets to know
about the regular light in the day.
And it stinks so bad, the stones been chokin',
and weepin' greenish drops.
In the room where the giant fire puffer works,
and the torture never stops.
The torture never stops.
Slime and rot, rats and snot,
and vomit on the floor.
Fifty yoogly soldiers, man,
holdin' spears by the iron door.
Knives and spikes, and guns and the likes
of every tool of pain.
And a sinister midget, with a bucket and a mop,
where the blood goes down the drain.
And it stinks so bad, the stones been chokin',
and weepin' greenish drops.
In the room where the giant fire puffer works,
and the torture never stops.
The torture never stops.
The torture.. the torture..
The torture never stops.
Flies all green and buzzin',
in this dungeon of despair.
An evil prince eats a steaming pig,
in a chamber right near there.
He eats the snouts and the trotters first.
The loins and the groins is soon dispersed.
His carvin' style is well rehearsed.
He stands and shouts:
All men be cursed!
All men be cursed!
All men be cursed!
All men be cursed!
And disagree?
Well, no one durst.
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first.
And it stinks so bad, his bones been chokin',
and weepin' greenish drops.
In the night of the iron sausage,
where the torture never stops.
The torture never stops.
The torture.. the torture..
The torture never stops.
Flies all green and buzzin',
in this dungeon of despair.
Who are all those people,
that he's locked away down there?
Are they crazy?
Are they sainted?
Are they zeroes,
someone painted?
And it's never been explained,
since it first it was created.
But a dungeon, like a sin,
requires naught but lockin' in,
of everything that's ever been.
Look at her.
Look at him.
That's what's the deal we're dealin' in.
That's what's the deal we're dealin' in.
That's what's the deal we're dealin' in.
That's what's the deal we're dealin' in.
Send "The torture never stops" Ringtone to Your Cell
Frank Zappa Lyrics > The torture never stops Ringtone, Video
Related for Frank Zappa :
Buy Frank Zappa Sheet Music

#13 | Posted by Diablo at 2009-10-18 09:34 PM | Reply | Flag:

Theres a big dilemma
About my big leg emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
Theres a big dilemma
About my big leg emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
She was my steady date
Until she put on weight

Theres a big dilemma
About my big leg emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
Theres a big dilemma
About my big leg emma, uh-huh, oh yeah
She used to knock me out
Until her face broke out

etc.

#14 | Posted by cookfish at 2009-10-18 09:35 PM | Reply | Flag:

Mothers Of Invention
Absolutely Free
Brown Shoes Don't Make It
----- ----- ----- ---- --

Brown shoes don't make it
Brown shoes don't make it
Quit school, why fake it?
Brown shoes don't make it?
TV dinner by the pool
Watch your brother grow a beard
Got another year of school
You're OK, he's *too weird*
Be a plumber He's a bummer
He's a bummer every summer
Be a loyal plastic robot
For a world that doesn't care
Smile at every *ugly*
Shine on your shoes and cut your hair
Be a jerk and go to work Be a jerk and go to work
Be a jerk and go to work Be a jerk and go to work
Do your job, and do it right
Life's a ball! (TV tonight!)
Do you love it, do you hate it?
There it is, the way you made it (WOOOooow)

A world of secret hungers,
Perverting the men who make your laws
Every desire is hidden away,
In drawer, in a desk,
By a Naughahyde chair
On a rug where they walk and drool
Past the girls in the office

You see in the back, of the cynical mind
The dream of a girl about thirteen
Off with her clothes and into a bed,
Where she tickles his fancy all night long

His wife's attending an orchid show
[ Mothers Of Invention Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
She squealed for a week to get him to go
But back in the bed his teenage Queen
Is rocking and rolling and acting obscene
Baby! Baby! Baby! Baby!

And he loves it! He loves it! It curls up his toes!
She bites his fat neck, And it lights up his nose,
But he cannot be fooled, Old *City Hall Fred,*
She's nasty, she's nasty, She digs it in bed!

Do it again, and do it some more!
That does it, by golly, it's nasty for sure!
Nasty-nasty-nasty! Nasty-nasty-nasty!
*(Only thirteen, and she knows how to NASTY)*

She's a dirty young mind. Corrupted, corroded...
Well she's thirteen today, And I hear she gets loaded

If she were my daughter I'd...
*What would you do, Daddy?*
If she were my daughter I'd...
*What would you do, Daddy?*
If she were my daughter I'd...
*What would you do, Daddy?*
Smother my daughter in chocolate syrup,
And strap her on again, *Oh baby!*
Smother that girl in chocolate syrup,
And strap her on again!
She's a *Teenage Baby,* and she turns me on,
I'd like to make Her do a *nasty*
On the White House Lawn!
Going to smother that daughter in chocolate syrup,
And boogie till the cows come home!

Time to go home, Madge is on the phone
Gotta meet the *Guerneys* And a dozen gray attorneys
TV dinner by the pool I'm so glad I finished school
Life is such a ball I run the world from City Hall

#15 | Posted by MSgt at 2009-10-18 09:36 PM | Reply | Flag:

Love "Torture"!

Zoot Allures is a classic.

#16 | Posted by cookfish at 2009-10-18 09:36 PM | Reply | Flag:

MSGT! That was the song in my head all day. Excellent taste there. "What would ja-do, daddy?"

#17 | Posted by Diablo at 2009-10-18 09:41 PM | Reply | Flag:

I was about 16 when this one came out:

Brown Shoes Don't Make It
----- ----- ----- ---- --

You see in the back, of the cynical mind
The dream of a girl about thirteen
Off with her clothes and into a bed,
Where she tickles his fancy all night long

And he loves it! He loves it! It curls up his toes!
She bites his fat neck, And it lights up his nose,
But he cannot be fooled, Old *City Hall Fred,*
She's nasty, she's nasty, She digs it in bed!

Do it again, and do it some more!
That does it, by golly, it's nasty for sure!
Nasty-nasty-nasty! Nasty-nasty-nasty!
*(Only thirteen, and she knows how to NASTY)*

She's a dirty young mind. Corrupted, corroded...
Well she's thirteen today, And I hear she gets loaded

Time to go home, Madge is on the phone
Gotta meet the *Guerneys* And a dozen gray attorneys
TV dinner by the pool I'm so glad I finished school
Life is such a ball I run the world from City Hall

#18 | Posted by MSgt at 2009-10-18 09:43 PM | Reply | Flag:

"According to Danforth that's all it takes."

You'll all have to forgive Cookie, my bitch. She lies all the time.

#19 | Posted by Danforth at 2009-10-18 09:44 PM | Reply | Flag:

Post-nuclear option: "Electric Aunt Jemima. Sorry, my fellow citizens. This war has become ugly:

Electric Aunt Jemima
Goddess of Love
Khaki Maple Buckwheats
Frizzle on the stove
Queen of my heart
Please hear my plea
Electric Aunt Jemima
Cook a bunch for me

Tried to find a reason
Not to quit my job
Beat me till I'm hungry
Found a punk to rob
Love me Aunt Jemima
Love me now & ever more
Love me Aunt Jemima

Tried to find a raisin
Brownies in the basin
Monza by the street light
Aunt Jemima all night
Holiday & salad days
And days of mouldy mayonaise
Caress me
Caress me
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me
Caress me Aunt Jemima
Caress me
Caress me Aunt Jemima

Mmm why are my lips, are gettin' heavy

I can't tell when you're telling the truth

I'm not.

How'd I know anything you said to me is ...

You don't.

#20 | Posted by Diablo at 2009-10-18 09:44 PM | Reply | Flag:

Sorry, I thought the original post did not take - this new HughesNet has a delay I am not yet accustomed to (only been here about one month).

#21 | Posted by MSgt at 2009-10-18 09:44 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Go back and drink a little more, you miserable old coot"

Ever since the divorce, she's been bitter.

#22 | Posted by Danforth at 2009-10-18 09:45 PM | Reply | Flag:

Whoever we are
Wherever were from
We shoulda noticed by now
Our behavior is dumb
And if our chances
Expect to improve
Its gonna take a lot more
Than tryin to remove
The other race
Or the other whatever
From the face
Of the planet altogether

They call it the earth
Which is a dumb kinda name
But they named it right
cause we behave the same...
We are dumb all over
Dumb all over,
Yes we are
Dumb all over,
Near n far
Dumb all over,
Black n white
People, we is not wrapped tight

Nurds on the left
Nurds on the right
Religous fanatics
On the air every night
Sayin the bible
Tells the story
Makes the details
Sound real gory
bout what to do
If the geeks over there
Dont believe in the book
We got over here

You cant run a race
Without no feet
n pretty soon
There wont be no street
For dummies to jog on
Or doggies to dog on
Religous fanatics
Can make it be all gone
(I mean it wont blow up
n disappear
Itll just look ugly
For a thousand years...)

You cant run a country
By a book of religion
Not by a heap
Or a lump or a smidgeon
Of foolish rules
Of ancient date
Designed to make
You all feel great
While you fold, spindle
And mutilate
Those unbelievers
From a neighboring state

To arms! to arms!
Hooray! thats great
Two legs aint bad
Unless theres a crate
They ship the parts
To mama in
For souvenirs: two ears (get down!)
Not his, not hers, (but what the hey? )
The good book says:
(it gotta be that way!)
But their book says:
Revenge the crusades...
With whips n chains
n hand grenades...
Two arms? two arms?
Have another and another
Our God says:
There aint no other!
Our God says
Its all okay!
Our God says
This is the way!

It says in the book:
Burn n destroy...
n repent, n redeem
n revenge, n deploy
n rumble thee forth
To the land of the unbelieving scum on the other side
cause they dont go for whats in the book
n that makes em bad
So verily we must choppeth them up
And stompeth them down
Or rent a nice french bomb
To poof them out of existance
While leaving their real estate just where we need it
To use again
For temples in which to praise our god
(cause he can really take care of business!)

And when his humble tv servant
With humble white hair
And humble glasses
And a nice brown suit
And maybe a blond wife who takes phone calls
Tells us our God says
Its okay to do this stuff
Then we gotta do it,
cause if we dont do it,
We aint gwine up to hebbin!
(depending on which book youre using at the
Time...cant use theirs... it dont work
...its all lies...gotta use mine...)
Aint that right?
Thats what they say
Every night...
Every day...
Hey, we cant really be dumb
If were just following gods orders
Hey, lets get serious...
God knows what hes doin
He wrote this book here
An the book says:
He made us all to be just like him,
So...
If were dumb...
Then God is dumb...
(an maybe even a little ugly on the side)

~FZ

#23 | Posted by Zatoichi at 2009-10-18 09:46 PM | Reply | Flag:

zatoich, aren't those lyrics more satisfying than "Ebony and Ivory?"

#24 | Posted by Diablo at 2009-10-18 09:52 PM | Reply | Flag:

Hey there, people, Im bobby brown
They say Im the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a famous school
Im dressin sharp n im
Actin cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work n maybe later Ill rape her

Oh God I am the american dream
I do not think Im too extreme
An Im a handsome sonofabitch
Im gonna get a good job n be real rich

(get a good
Get a good
Get a good
Get a good job)

Womens liberation
Came creepin across the nation
I tell you people I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of freddie
She made a little speech then,
Aw, she tried to make me say when
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess its still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick

Oh God I am the american dream
But now I smell like vaseline
An Im a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady...i dont know which

(I wonder wonder
Wonder wonder)

So I went out n bought me a leisure suit
I jingle my change, but Im still kinda cute
Got a job doin radio promo
An none of the jocks can even tell Im a homo
Eventually me n a friend
Sorta drifted along into s&m
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
long as I gets a little golden shower

Oh God I am the american dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An Ill do anything to get ahead
I lay awake nights sayin, thank you, fred!
Oh god, oh god, Im so fantastic!
Thanks to freddie, Im a sexual spastic
And my name is bobby brown
Watch me now, Im goin down,
And my name is bobby brown
Watch me now, Im goin down, etc.

#25 | Posted by Diablo at 2009-10-18 09:54 PM | Reply | Flag:

Well, the toilet went crazy
Yesterday afternoon
The plumber he says
Never flush a tampoon!
This great information
Cost me half a weeks pay
And the toilet blew up
Later on the next day-ay-eee-ay
Blew up the next day
Woo-ooo

#26 | Posted by Diablo at 2009-10-18 10:02 PM | Reply | Flag:

I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of Dental Floss Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
I can sell uptown
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
For somebody else...
but then, on the other hand
I'd Keep the wax N' melt it down
Pluck some Floss N' swish it aroun'
I'd have me a crop
An' it'd be on top

(that's why I'M movin' to Montana)

Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon
(yes I am)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
I'm pluckin' the ol' Dennil Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss!
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all Afternoon...
I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
(His name is MIGHTY LITTLE)
He's a good hoss
Even though He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Any way I'm pluckin' the ol' Dennil Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big
An' ride him all along the border line
With a Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
I was mighty grand
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
But I'd be raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Well I might Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
And then I'd Get a cuppa cawfee
N' give my foot a push...
Just me 'n the pymgy pony
Over the Dennil Floss Bush
N' then I might just Jumb back on
An' ride Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana
Movin' to Montana soon

(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)

Movin' to Montana soon

#27 | Posted by mysterytoy at 2009-10-18 10:30 PM | Reply | Flag:

KId Rock stole Montana with "Cowboy," a blatant rip-off.

#28 | Posted by Diablo at 2009-10-18 10:45 PM | Reply | Flag:

She had that
Camarillo brillo
Flamin out along her head,
I mean her mendocino bean-o
By where some bugs had made it red

She ruled the toads
Of the short forest
And every newt in idaho
And every cricket who had chorused
By the bush in buffalo

She said she was
A magic mama
And she could throw a mean tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasnt done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldnt come in
(I couldnt come in right then...)

And so she wandered
Trough the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An Id just love it in her room

Well, I was born
To have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

She stripped away
Her ranchid poncho
An laid out naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
An it was useless any more

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasnt done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldnt come in
(actually, I was very busy then)

And so she wandered
Trough the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An Id just love it in her room

Well, I was born
To have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

She said she was
A magic mama
And she could throw a mean tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know

(is that a real poncho...i mean
Is that a mexican poncho
Or is that a sears poncho?
Hmmm...no foolin ...)

-Camarillo Brillo

#29 | Posted by ness_gadol at 2009-10-19 01:05 AM | Reply | Flag:

The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only. If you gotta load or
unload, go to the WHITE ZONE. You'll love it...

#30 | Posted by Grendel at 2009-10-19 08:10 AM | Reply | Flag:

Let's Make the Water Turn Black

Now believe me when I tell you that my song is really true
I want everyone to listen and believe
It's about some little people from a long time ago
And all the things the neighbors didn't know Early in the morning
Daddy Dinky went to work
Selling lamps & chairs to San Ber'dino squares
And I still remember Mama with her apron & her pad
Feeding all the boys at Ed's Cafe!

Whizzing & pasting & pooting through the day
(Ronnie helping Kenny helping burn his poots away!)
And all the while on a shelf in the shed:
KENNY'S LITTLE CREATURES ON DISPLAY!

Ronnie saves his numies on a window in his room
(A marvel to be seen: dysentery green)
While Kenny & his buddies had a game out in the back:
LET'S MAKE THE WATER TURN BLACK

We see them after school in a world of their own
(To some it might seem creepy what they do...)
The neighbors on the right sat & watched them every night
(I bet you'd do the same if they was you)

Whizzing & pasting & pooting through the day
(Ronnie helping Kenny helping burn his poots away!)
And all the while on a shelf in the shed:
KENNY'S LITTLE CREATURES ON DISPLAY!

Ronnie's in the Army now & Kenny's taking pills
Oh! How they yearn to see a bomber burn!
Color flashing, thunder crashing, dynamite machine!
(Wait till the fire turns green...
wait till the fire turns green)
WAIT TILL THE FIRE TURNS GREEN

#31 | Posted by Dave at 2009-10-19 08:21 AM | Reply | Flag:

Wowie Zowie

Wowie Zowie
Your love's a treat
Wowie Zowie
You can't be beat
Wowie Zowie, baby
You're so neat
I don't even care
If you shave your legs
Wowie Zowie, baby
You're so fine
Wowie Zowie, baby
Please be mine
Wowie Zowie
Up and down my spine
I don't even care
If you brush your teeth

I dream of you each mornin'
I dream of you each night
Just the other day I got so shook up
I dreamed of you in the afternoon

Baum didi, baum didi, baum didi,
Baum didi, baum didi, baum didi

I dream of you each mornin'
I dream of you each night
Just the other day I got so shook up
I had a flash in the afternoon

Wowie Zowie, baby
Love me do
Wowie Zowie
And I'll love you too
Wowie Zowie, baby
I'll be true
I don't even care
If your dad's the heat

Wowie Zowie
Wowie
Wowie Zowie
Wowie
Wowie Zowie
Wowie
Wowie Zowie
(etc.)

#32 | Posted by Dave at 2009-10-19 08:25 AM | Reply | Flag:

Willie the Pimp

I'm a little pimp with my hair gassed back
Pair a khaki pants with my shoe shined black

Got a little lady . . . walk the street
Tellin' all the boys that she cain't be beat

Twenny dollah bill (I can set you straight)
Meet me onna corner boy 'n don't be late

Man in a suit with a bow-tie neck
Wanna buy a grunt with a third party check

Standin' onna porch of the Lido Hotel
Floozies in the lobby love the way I sell:
HOT MEAT
HOT RATS
HOT CATS
HOT RITZ
HOT ROOTS
HOT SOOTS

HOT MEAT
HOT RATS
HOT CATS
HOT ZITZ
HOT ROOTS
HOT SOOTS

#33 | Posted by Dave at 2009-10-19 08:28 AM | Reply | Flag:

Mr. Green Genes

Eat your greens
Don't forget your beans & celery
Don't forget to bring
Your fake I.D.
Eat a bunch of these
MAGNIFICENT
With sauerkraut
MMMMMMMMMMM
Sauerkraut
Eat a grape, a fig
A crumpet too . . .
You'll pump 'em right through
Doo-wee-ooo

Eat your shoes
Don't forget the strings
And sox
Even eat the box
Your bought 'em in
You can eat the truck
That brought 'em in
Garbage truck
MMMMMMMMMMMMouldy
Garbage truck
Eat the truck & driver
And his gloves
NUTRITIOUSNESS
DELICIOUSNESS
WORTHLESSNESS

#34 | Posted by Dave at 2009-10-19 08:30 AM | Reply | Flag:

Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague

Please, hear my plea!

Cucuroo carucha (Chevy '39)
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
Bongos in the back
My ship of love is
Ready to attack

Primer mi carucha (Chevy '39)
Going to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
Bongos in the back
My ship of love
Ready to attack
Won't you please hear my plea

Primer mi carucha (Chevy '39)
Got me to El Monte Legion Stadium
Pick up on my weesa (she is so divine)
Helps me stealing hub caps
Wasted all the time

Fuzzy Dice
Bongos in the back
My ship of love
Ready to attack

#35 | Posted by Dave at 2009-10-19 08:33 AM | Reply | Flag:

Hey, you know something people?
I'm not black
But there's a whole lots a times
I wish I could say I'm not white

#36 | Posted by IraqiBukkake at 2009-10-19 10:39 AM | Reply | Flag:

Trouble Coming Every Day:
= = = = = = = = = = = = =

Well I'm about to get upset, from watching my TV
And checkin' out the news until my eyeballs fail to see.

I mean to say that every day is just another rotten mess and when its going to change my friend
is anybody's guess.

So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin', hopin' for the best.
Even think I'll go to prayin',
every time I hear 'em sayin'.
That there's no way to delay that trouble coming everyday
No way to delay that trouble coming everyday

Wednesday I watched the riots I seen the cops out on the street
Watched them throwing rocks and stuff and chokin' in the heat.
Listened to reports about the whiskey passin' 'round
Seen the smoke and fire and the market burnin' down.
Watched while everybody on their street would take a turn
To stomp and smash and bash and crash and slash and bust and burn

Well, you can cool it you can heat it,
'cause baby I don't need it.
Take your TV tube and eat it,
and all that phony stuff on sports
and all the unconfirmed reports,
you know I watched that rotten box until my head began to hurt.
From checkin' out the way the newsmen say they get the dirt
before the guys on channel so and so and further they assert
that any show they'll interrupt
they'll bring you news if it comes up.
They say that, if the place blows up,
they'll be the first to tell,
'cause the boys they got downtown
are working hard and doing swell.

And if anybody gets the news
before it hits the street
they say that no one blabs it faster,
their coverage can't be beat.

And if another woman driver
gets machine-gunned from her seat,
they'll send some joker with a Brownie
and you'll see it all complete.

Well I've seen the fires burnin'
and the local people turnin'
on the merchants and the shops
who used to sell them brooms and mops,
and every other household item,
watched the mob just turn and bite 'em
and they say it served them right
because a few of them were white.

It's the same across the nation
black and white discrimination
and 'you can't understand me'
and all that other jazz they hand me
in the papers and TV
and all the mass stupidity,
that seems to grow more every day,
each time you hear some nitwit say
that he's going to do you in
'cause the color of your skin,
just don't appeal to him,
no matter if it's black or white
because he's out for blood tonight.....

#37 | Posted by TrueBlue at 2009-10-19 11:04 AM | Reply | Flag:

You know we've got to sit around at home
and watch this thing begin
bet there won't be many live to see it really end.
'cause a fire in the street ain't like a fire in the heart
and in the eyes of all these people don't you know that this could start

on any street in any town
in any state if any clown
decides that nows the time to fight
for some ideal he thinks is right
and if a million more agree
there ain't no Great Society,
as it applies to you and me,
our country isn't free,
if the law refuse to see
that all that you can ever be
is just a lousy janitor,
unless your uncle owns the store,
you know that five in every four
just won't amount to nothin' more,
Go watch the rats go 'cross the floor
and make up songs about being poor.

Blow your harmonica son...

- Frank Zappa (from Freak Out)

#38 | Posted by TrueBlue at 2009-10-19 11:05 AM | Reply | Flag:

Did I have any other choice?

"Catholic School Girls"

Catholic girls
With a tiny little mustache
Catholic girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic girls
In the rectory basement
Father Riley's a fairy
But it don't bother Mary

Catholic girls
At the CYO
Catholic girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic girls
There can be no replacement
How do they go, after the show?

All the way
That's the way they go
Every day
And none of their mamas ever seem to know
Hip-hip-hooray
For all the class they show
There's nothing like a Catholic girl
At the CYO
When they learn to blow...

They're learning to blow
All the Catholic boys!
With a tongue like a cow
She could make you go wow!

VD vowdy vootie
Right away
That's the way they go
Every day
Whenever their mamas take them to a show
Matinee
Pass the popcorn, please
There's nothing like a Catholic girl
With her hand in the box
When she's on her knees

She was on her knees,
My little Catholic girl

In a little white dress
Catholic girls
They never confess
Catholic girls
I got one for a cousin
I love how they go
So send me a dozen
Catholic girls
Ooooooh!
Catholic girls
Ooooooh!

Joe had a girlfriend named Mary.
She used to go the Church Club every week.
They'd meet each other there
Hold hands
And think pure thoughts
But one night at the social club meeting
Mary didn't show up...
She was sucking cock backstage at the armory
In order to get a pass
To see some big rock group for free..."

-- Zappa

#39 | Posted by CalifChris at 2009-10-19 07:52 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Baby Take Your Teeth Out"

Baby take your teeth out
Try it one time
Baby take your teeth out
Try it one time
Leave 'em on the kitchen table

Baby take your teeth out
It'll be fine
Baby take your teeth out
It'll be fine
There ain't nothin' left to smile about

Baby take your teeth out
You look divine
Baby take your teeth out
You look divine
Go ahead and eat the label

Baby take your teeth out
I will recline
Baby take your teeth out
I will recline
There ain?t nothin' left to talk about

- Zappa

#40 | Posted by CalifChris at 2009-10-19 07:58 PM | Reply | Flag:

Has anybody posted "Broken Hearts are for Assholes"?
I don't need another dump.

#41 | Posted by wisgod at 2009-10-19 07:59 PM | Reply | Flag:

What's the ugliest
Part of your body?
What's the ugliest
Part of your body?
Some say your nose
Some say your toes
(I think it's your mind)
But I think it's YOUR MIND
(Your mind)
I think it's your mind, woo woo

ALL YOUR CHILDREN ARE POOR
UNFORTUNATE VICTIMS OF
SYSTEMS BEYOND THEIR CONTROL
A PLAGUE UPON YOUR IGNORANCE & THE GRAY
DESPAIR OF YOUR UGLY LIFE

.....

ALL YOUR CHILDREN ARE POOR
UNFORTUNATE VICTIMS OF LIES YOU BELIEVE
A PLAGUE UPON YOUR IGNORANCE THAT KEEPS
THE YOUNG FROM THE TRUTH THEY DESERVE . . .

#42 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-10-19 08:15 PM | Reply | Flag:

From Flakes:

I'm a moron 'n' this is my wife
She's frosting a cake
With a paper knife
All what we got here's
American made
It's a little bit cheesey,
But it's nicely displayed
Well we don't get excited when it
Crumbles 'n' breaks
We just get on the phone
And call up some Flakes
They rush on over
'N' wreck it some more
'N' we are so dumb
They're linin' up at our door
Well, the toilet went crazy
Yesterday afternoon
The plumber he says
"Never flush a lampoon!"
This great information
Cost me half a week's pay
And the toilet blew up
Later on the next day ay-eee-ay
Blew up the next day WOO-OOO

We are millions 'n' millions
We're coming to get you
We're protected by unions
So don't let it upset you
Can't escape the conclusion
It's probably God's Will
That civilization
Will grind to a standstill
And we are the people
Who will make it all happen
While yer children is sleepin',
Yer puppy is crappin'
You might call us Flakes
Or something else you might coin us
But we know you're so greedy
That you'll probably join us
We're comin' to get you, we're comin' to get you

#43 | Posted by kanrei at 2009-10-19 08:21 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Provocative Squats"

Half a dozen provocative squats!
Out of the shower she squeezes her spots.
Brushes her teeth.
Shoots a deoderant spray up her twot...
It's getting her
getting her hot.
It's getting her
getting her hot.
Oh-woh-woh-woh-woh-woh
She's just twenty four
and she can't get off.
A sad, but typical case, yeah.
The last dude to do her
got in and got soft.
She blew it
and laughed in his face, yeah.
Yeah.

#44 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-10-19 08:23 PM | Reply | Flag:

From "Broken Hearts are for Assholes"

You say you cant live with what you been through
Well, ladies you can be an asshole too
You might pretend you aint got one on the bottom of you,
But dont fool yerself girl
Its lookin at you
Dont fool yerself girl
Its winkin at you
Dont fool yerself girl
Its blinkin at you
Thats why I say
Im gonna ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
Corn hole
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
Fist fuck
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
Wrist-watch; crisco
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
Pud!

#45 | Posted by wisgod at 2009-10-19 08:25 PM | Reply | Flag:

I love the imagery of this one:

The mystery man came over
And he said Im outta sight!
He said for a nominal service charge
I could reach nirvana tonight
If I was ready, willing and able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of
His pressing affairs and devote
His attention to me

But I said look here brother
Who you jiving with that cosmik debris?
Now who you jiving with that cosmik debris?
Look here brother, dont waste your time on me

The mystery man got nervous
And he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his mystery robe
And he whipped out a shaving kit
Now I thought it was a razor
And a can of foaming goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin his box wont do
With the oil of aphrodite, and the dust of the grand wazoo
He said you might not believe this, little fella
But itll cure your asthma too

And I said look here brother
Who you jiving with that cosmik debris?
Now what kind of a guru are you, anyway?
Look here brother, dont waste your time on me
(dont waste your time)

Ive got troubles of my own, I said
And you cant help me out
So, take your meditations and your preparations
And ram it up your snout!
But I got the crystal ball, he said
And held it to the ligh
So I snatched it, all away from him
And I showed him how to do it right

I wrapped a newspaper round my head
So I looked like I was deep
I said some mumbo-jumbo, then
I told him he was going to sleep
I robbed his rings and pocketwatch
And everything else I found
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldnt even make a sound
I proceeded to tell him his future, then
As long as he was hanging around
I said the price of meat has just gone up
And your old lady has just gone down!

And I said look here brother-who you
Jiving with that cosmik debris?
Now is that a real poncho or is that a sears poncho?
Dont you know, you could make more money as a butcher?
So, dont waste your time on me
Dont waste it, dont waste your time on me

#46 | Posted by kanrei at 2009-10-19 08:27 PM | Reply | Flag:

Heavenly Bank Account

And if these words you do not heed
Your pocketbook just kinda might recede
When some man comes along and
Claims godly need
He will clean you out right through your
Tweed

That's right, remember there is a big
Difference between kneeling down
And bending over...
He's got twenty million dollars
In his heavenly bank account...
All from those chumps who was
Born again
Oh yeah, oh yeah

He's got seven limousines
And a private plane...
All for the use of his
Special friends
Oh yeah, oh yeah
He's got thousand-dollar suits
And a wembley tie...
Girls love to stroke it
While he's on the phone
Oh yeah, oh yeah

At the house of representatives
He's a groovy guy...
When he gives thanks
He is not alone...

He is dealin'
He is really dealin'
Irs can't determine
Where the hook is

It is easy with the bible
To pretend that
You're in show biz

They won't get him
They will never get him
For the naughty stuff
That he did

It is best in cases like this
To pretend that
You are stupid

He's got presidential help
All along the way

At the house of representatives
He's a groovy guy...
When he gives thanks
He is not alone...

He is dealin'
He is really dealin'
Irs can't determine
Where the hook is

It is easy with the bible
To pretend that
You're in show biz

They won't get him
They will never get him
For the naughty stuff
That he did

It is best in cases like this
To pretend that
You are stupid

He's got presidential help
All along the way

He says the grace
While the lawyers chew
Oh yeah
They sure do

And the govenors agree to say:
"he's a lovely man!"
He makes it easier for
Them to screw
All of you...
Yes, that's true!

'cause he helps put the fear of god
In the common man
Snatchin' up money
Everywhere he can
Oh yeah
Oh yeah

He's got twenty million dollars
In his heavenly bank account
You ain't got nothin', people
You ain't got nothin', people
You ain't got nothin', people
Thank the man...oh yeah

#47 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-10-19 08:29 PM | Reply | Flag:

The BEST Zappa Song EVER:

Frank Zappa:Willie the pimp

I'm a little pimp with my hair gassed back
Pair a khacki pants with my shoes shined black
Got a little lady...walk the street
Tellin' all the boys that she can't be beat
Twenny dollah bill (I can set you straight)
Meet me onna corner boy'n don't be late
Man in a suite with bow-tie neck
Wanna buy a grunt with a third party check
Standin' onna porch of the Lido Hotel
Floozies in the lobby love the way I sell:HOT MEAT
HOT RATS HOT ZITS HOT CHEST
HOT RITZ HOT ROOTS HOT SOOTS

#48 | Posted by kanrei at 2009-10-19 08:31 PM | Reply | Flag:

The BEST Zappa Song EVER:
#48 | Posted by kanrei at 2009-10-19 08:31 PM | Reply | Flag: Hardly knows Zappa

But seriously, a lot of his best ones don't even have lyrics.

GSpot Tornado
Peaches En Regalia
Strictly Genteel (lyrics on 200 motels)
Inca Roads
You are not Alone....

#49 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-10-19 08:43 PM | Reply | Flag:

WEAre Not Alone.

Thinking of You are What You IS when I typed it.

#50 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-10-19 08:44 PM | Reply | Flag:

Amazing. Notice how many regulars who hate one another's guts posted here in admiration of Zappa's genius lyrics? No name calling! Astonishing. Thanks for reminding me of "I'm a moron and this is my wife..." Only guys as old as I am remember the moronic commercial Zappa lampooned there.

#51 | Posted by Diablo at 2009-10-19 08:47 PM | Reply | Flag:

No name calling!
Posted by Diablo

Whatever, penis breath.

#52 | Posted by wisgod at 2009-10-19 08:54 PM | Reply | Flag:

Sorry, but there are no good Zappa lyrics. Same goes for his songs/albums...etc.

Zappa sucks sweaty dog balls.

#53 | Posted by COMMONSENSE at 2009-10-19 09:06 PM | Reply | Flag:

#53 | Posted by COMMONSENSE at 2009-10-19 09:06 PM | Reply | Flag: valley girl

#54 | Posted by Zorg_the_Vogon at 2009-10-19 09:11 PM | Reply | Flag:

#53 | Posted by COMMONSENSE at 2009-10-19 09:06 PM | Reply | Flag: valley girl

#54 | Posted by Zorg_the_Vogon at 2009-10-19 09:11 PM | Reply | Flag:

Exactly....even his 'hits' were absolute garbage.

#55 | Posted by COMMONSENSE at 2009-10-19 09:13 PM | Reply | Flag:

Exactly....even his 'hits' were absolute garbage.
#55 | Posted by COMMONSENSE

Say what you want about the often peurile character of his lyrics, but his music was absolute genius.

#56 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-10-19 09:18 PM | Reply | Flag:

I was at the Armadillo World Headquarters when Zappa did his final song there: Muffin Man. He had earlier recorded the song there and made sure it was his last performance at the place.
I always thought the song was the inspiration for the Stay-Puff marshmallow man attack in Ghostbusters, but will never know for sure unless the writers fess up.

#57 | Posted by Diablo at 2009-10-19 09:19 PM | Reply | Flag:

Zappa sucks sweaty dog balls.

#53 | Posted by COMMONSENSE

Commonsense is right. He was no Terry fucking Jacks.

#58 | Posted by wisgod at 2009-10-19 09:20 PM | Reply | Flag:

Hardly knows Zappa

Very true statement. I did not get an appreciation of him until my 30's.

#59 | Posted by kanrei at 2009-10-19 09:29 PM | Reply | Flag:

#58 | Posted by wisgod at 2009-10-19 09:20 PM | Reply | Flag:Had joy, Fun, Seasons, wine, Gone

#60 | Posted by kanrei at 2009-10-19 09:30 PM | Reply | Flag:

Both Sides Now

Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons evrywhere
Ive looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on evryone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
Ive looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its cloud illusions I recall
I really dont know clouds at all

Moons and junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As evry fairy tale comes real
Ive looked at love that way

But now its just another show
You leave em laughing when you go
And if you care, dont let them know
Dont give yourself away

Ive looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
Its loves illusions I recall
I really dont know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
Ive looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say Ive changed
Well somethings lost, but somethings gained
In living evry day

Ive looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all
Ive looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all

#61 | Posted by Dave at 2009-10-19 09:31 PM | Reply | Flag:

Very true statement. I did not get an appreciation of him until my 30's.
#59 | Posted by kanrei

I had the obligatory introduction to him in HS, i.e. Joe's Garage. It was impressive and funny, but it didn't make me investigate further. It wasn't until my first year at Old Faithful Snowlodge, when I was 24, when my roommate, a snow coach driver, used to play him while we hung out. Maybe I was finally mature enough to truly appreciate it. He had maybe 15 CD's, which of course I bootlegged onto Cassette (Sorry Gail. Sorry Dan). I've since worn them all thin and have had to replace them all and then some... yes, legally. I remember being pissed that I hadn't really gotten to know him sooner.

#62 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-10-19 09:34 PM | Reply | Flag:

B'wana Dik

I've got the thing you need
I am endowed beyound your wildest
Clearasil-spattered fantasies, oh oh oh..

Girls from all over the world
Love to write my name on the toilet walls
At the Whisky a Go Go
For I am Bwana Dik
I am Bwana Dik
Me Bwana Dik
Me Bwana Dik

My dick is a monster
Give me your heart
My dick is a Harley
You kick it to start

(Chorus line)
When Bwana Dik speaks
The heavens will part

My dick is a dagger
I'll force it to fit
My dick is a reamer, Baby
To scream up your slit

Steam it!
Ream it!
Cream it!

#63 | Posted by Dave at 2009-10-19 09:35 PM | Reply | Flag:

Spent my teens learning everything Pink Floyd (and dirt rock) and then discovered Jam bands in my 20's.

#64 | Posted by kanrei at 2009-10-19 09:35 PM | Reply | Flag:

#61 | Posted by Dave

Very Nice.

To throw a little phlegm into this love fest... I know frank was an old school conservative with a strict anti-drug point of view (a control freak can't handle giving up control).

But hey.... nobody's perfect.

#65 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-10-19 09:38 PM | Reply | Flag:

Cruising For Burgers

I must be free
My fake i.d.
Freeeeeees me
Gotta do a few things
To make my life complete
Gotta live my life
Out on the street
The difference between us
Is not very far
Cruising for burgers
In daddys new car
My phony freedom card
Brings to me
Instantly
Ecstasy

#66 | Posted by Dave at 2009-10-19 09:38 PM | Reply | Flag:

#63
Sometimes I just say BWANNAA!, and it makes me laugh.

#67 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-10-19 09:39 PM | Reply | Flag:

Fick mich, du
Miserabler hurensohn
Du miserabler hurensohn
Fick mich, du
Miserabler hurensohn
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
Heissen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
Heissen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
Heissen gelockten
Schwanz
Ah-ee-ahee-ahhhhh!
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches schwein
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches schwein
Bis es spritzt, spritzt,
Spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Bis es spritzt, spritzt,
Spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Aber beklecker nicht
Das sofa, sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
Das sofa, sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
Das sofa, sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
Das sofa, sofa!

"Stick It Out"

#68 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-10-19 09:40 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Very Nice."

Just seein' if anybody was payin' attention.

#69 | Posted by Dave at 2009-10-19 09:41 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Dumb all over, yes we are. Dumb all over near and far."

#70 | Posted by wurster at 2009-10-19 11:32 PM | Reply | Flag:

"So long as she does it with four on the floor"

#71 | Posted by wurster at 2009-10-19 11:34 PM | Reply | Flag:

Hagbard, he was very anti-drug. Conservative? Nah. He was into Stravinsky and avant garde music and I think had few other beliefs. The Wiki article on him is interesting. Sad to say, Zappa refused to pay for his kids to go to college. He had a make-it-on-your-own attitude that makes Sean Hannity seem like Obama.

#72 | Posted by Diablo at 2009-10-19 11:35 PM | Reply | Flag:

"and proceeded to rub it all into his beady little eyes with vigorous circular motion"

#73 | Posted by wurster at 2009-10-19 11:36 PM | Reply | Flag:

"And then in a fit of anger I.... I pounced.... and I pounced again!"

#74 | Posted by wurster at 2009-10-19 11:37 PM | Reply | Flag:

"And then I snatched it all away from him, and I showed him how to do it right"

#75 | Posted by wurster at 2009-10-19 11:37 PM | Reply | Flag:

"Billy's in the Army now and Kenny's taking pills
Oh how they yearn to see a bomber burn"

#76 | Posted by wurster at 2009-10-19 11:39 PM | Reply | Flag:

"And we would jam in Joe's garage... the neighbors were screamin 'turn it down"

#77 | Posted by wurster at 2009-10-19 11:39 PM | Reply | Flag:

Hagbard, he was very anti-drug

"look here brotha! Who you jivin with that cosmic debree? Look here brotha! Don't you waste your time on me"

#78 | Posted by wurster at 2009-10-19 11:41 PM | Reply | Flag:

'I wrapped a newspaper around my head so it looked like I was deep. I said some mumbo-jumbo then, I told he was goin to sleep. I robbed his rings, his pocket watch, and anything else I found. I had that sucker hyptonized, he couldn't even make a sound. I proceeded to tell him his future then, as long as he was hangin around I said, "THE PRICE OF MEAT HAS JUST GONE UP AND YOUR OLD LADY HAS JUST GONE DOWN!"'

#79 | Posted by wurster at 2009-10-19 11:44 PM | Reply | Flag:

I love Frank. I have to go out into my shop to listen to Frank because my Wife hates him.

#80 | Posted by wurster at 2009-10-19 11:45 PM | Reply | Flag:

I remember hearing a radio commercial during the "summer of love" done by Zappa where he was renouncing speed. I wondered at the time why not other drugs. At any rate, I started listening to him then because all the other "new" music was marketed as drug related. Zappa is unique. He really was not a part of the drug culture, the fifties culture, the sixties culture or even American culture when you get down to it. He had a niche all his own.

#81 | Posted by Diablo at 2009-10-19 11:48 PM | Reply | Flag:

Zappa laughed at everyone. We are all very funny.

Not only the lyrics, the music was one of a kind. What hard work to be a xylophone player for the Mothers of Invention. Or vocals, Bass, even the whahoozitphone.

#82 | Posted by wurster at 2009-10-19 11:53 PM | Reply | Flag:

Great thread! Irreverency at its best.

#83 | Posted by OohRah at 2009-10-20 04:36 AM | Reply | Flag:

#72 | Posted by Diablo at 2009-10-19 11:35 PM | Reply | Flag:

Not in your corrupt politician idea of conservative or liberal, but yes, he was more supportive of conservative ideals than liberal ones... especially after he saw the boomer hippies turn from their idealism and focus on their self-indulgence.

Of Bob Dylan, he said, paraphrasing, that if Dylan succeeds at what he's attempting, I won't have any purpose left. Dylan failed, Zappa toiled on. Read three Zappa biographies myself is why I even claim to know.

#84 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-10-20 08:35 AM | Reply | Flag:

Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
(A cow don't make ham . . . )
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis

A foolish young man
From a middle class fam'ly
Started singin' the blues
'Cause he thought it was manly
Now he talks like the Kingfish
("Saffiiiee!")
From Amos 'n Andy
("Holy mack'l dere . . . Holy mack'l dere!")
He tells you that chitlins . . .
(Chitlins!)
Well, they taste just like candy
He thinks that he's got
De whole thang down
From the Nivea Lotion
To de Royal Crown

Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
(A cow don't make ham . . . )
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis

A foolish young man
Of the Negro Persuasion
Devoted his life
To become a caucasian
He stopped eating pork
He stopped eating greens
He traded his dashiki
("Uhuru!")
For some Jordache Jeans
He learned to play golf
An' he got a good score
Now he says to himself
"I AIN'T NO NIGGER NO MORE . . . HEY! HEY! HEY!"
"I don't understand you . . . "
BWANA MA-COO-BAH
"Would you please speak more clearly . . . "
MERCEDES BAINNNNNNNZ

Who is who
(I don't know . . . )
'N what is what
(Somethin' I just don't know . . . )
'N why is this
(Tell me now . . . )
Appropriot
(That's a funny pronunciation if'n ever I heard one . . . )
If you don't like
(Where'd you get that word?)
What you has got
(Appropriot? The word is not . . . )
Drop it in the dirt
(Drop it yeah . . . )
'N let it rot
(I can smell it now . . . )
Someone else
(Here de come, here de come . . . )
Will surely come
(I told you they was comin')
'N pick it up
(That's right!)
'Cause he wants some
(An' he wants it for free . . . )
And when one day
(There will come a day . . . )
You wonder who
(I wonder too . . . )
You used to was
(Who I was anyway . . . )
'N what you do
(I used to work at the post office . . . )
You'll scratch your head
(But I don't wanna un-do my doo . . . )
'N look around
(Just to see what's goin' on . . . )
But what you lost
(Can't seem to find it . . . )
Will not be found
(A Mercedes Benz . . . )

Do you know what you are?
(I know . . . )
You are what you is
(I'm the kinda guy . . . )
You is what you am
(That ought to be drivin' a Mercedes Benz . . . )
A cow don't make a ham
(A four-fifty SLC . . . )
You ain't what you're not
(A big ol' red one . . . )
So see what you got
(With some golf clubs stickin' out de trunk . . . )
You are what you is
(I'm gwine down to de links on Saturday mornin' . . . )
An' that's all it is
(Gimme a five dollar bill . . . )
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
(And an overcoat too . . . )
AND THAT'S ALL IT IS
(Where's my waitress? Yeah . . . )
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
(Robbie, take me to Greek Town . . . )
AN THAT'S ALL IT IS
(I'm harder than yer husband; harder than yer husband . . . )
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
(I'm goin' down to White Street, to the Mudd Club y'all . . . )
AN THAT'S ALL IT IS
(I'm goin' down 'n work the wall 'n work the floor . . . )
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS
('N work the pipe 'n work the wall . . . )
AN THAT'S ALL IT IS
(Some more

#85 | Posted by Zatoichi at 2009-10-20 09:49 AM | Reply | Flag:

I didn't have the nerve to publish the lyrics, myself, Zat.

Man, this is like picking your favorite child.

#86 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-10-20 09:59 AM | Reply | Flag:

How did I miss this thread?

So I pulled on her hair
Got her legs in the air
An asked if she had any cooties on there

(whaddya mean cooties! no cooties on me!)

She was buns-up kneelin
Buns up!
I was wheelin an dealin
Wheelin an dealin an ooooh!
She surrended to the feelin
She sweetly surrendered
An she started in to squealin

Dinah-moe watched from the edge of the bed
With her lips just a-twitchin an her face gone red
Some drool rollin down
From the edge of her chin
While she spied the condition
Her sister was in
She quivered n quaked
An clutched at herself
While her sister made a joke
bout her mental health
till dinah-moe finally
Did give in
But I told her
All she really needed
Was some discipline...

#87 | Posted by Manypaths at 2009-10-20 11:02 AM | Reply | Flag:

No Ms Pinky Mention?!?!?! (What is this? Strictly Commercial?)

I got a girl with a little rubber head.
Rinse her out ever night just before I go to bed.
She never talk back, like a lady might do,
and she looks like she loves it every time I get through.

And her name is p.. i.. n k y.
P.. i.. n.. no lie.
K.. y.. me-oh-my.
$69.95 -- give her a try!

Her eyes is all shut, in a ecstasy face.
You can cram it down her throat, people, any old place.
Throw the little switch on her battery pack.
You can poot it, you can shoot it 'til your wife gets back.

P.. i.. n k y.
P.. i.. n.. I cry.
K.. y.. don't be shy.
$69.95 boy -- give her a try!

#88 | Posted by Manypaths at 2009-10-20 11:09 AM | Reply | Flag:

And all Zappa Heads should go see what his son is doing with ZPZ. Jaw dropping performances!!!

Frank is proud!

#89 | Posted by Manypaths at 2009-10-20 11:13 AM | Reply | Flag:

Zappa's lyrics are funny-ish. You understand that he's trying to be funny and you understand why he thinks he's being humourous. But they aren't truely funny.

#90 | Posted by Sully at 2009-10-20 11:40 AM | Reply | Flag:

"And all Zappa Heads should go see what his son is doing with ZPZ. Jaw dropping performances!!!"

Saw them three times now. Awesome to watch Dweezil as band leader.

#91 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-10-20 12:49 PM | Reply | Flag:

I am gross and perverted
Im obsessed n deranged
I have existed for years
But very little had changed
I am the tool of the government
And industry too
For I am destined to rule
And regulate you

I may be vile and pernicious
But you cant look away
I make you think Im delicious
With the stuff that I say
I am the best you can get
Have you guessed me yet?
I am the slime oozin out
From your tv set

You will obey me while I lead you
And eat the garbage that I feed you
Until the day that we dont need you
Dont got for help...no one will heed you
Your mind is totally controlled
It has been stuffed into my mold
And you will do as you are told
Until the rights to you are sold

Thats right, folks..
Dont touch that dial

Well, I am the slime from your video
Oozin along on your livinroom floor

I am the slime from your video
Cant stop the slime, people, lookit me go

~FZ

#92 | Posted by Zatoichi at 2009-10-20 12:51 PM | Reply | Flag: