Drudge Retort: Red Meat for Yellow Dogs

Rotten Tomatoes: Over the last decade, we've collected reviews for thousands of movies. Most films, even profoundly mediocre ones, can expect to receive at least cursory support from the pundits. However, once in a while, a film will take such a critical drubbing that further attention is warranted. That's where our Worst of the Worst list comes in.

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no, i didn't read the article, but can tell you that "bicentennial man" was quite perhaps the WORST movie of ALL time!

Meet the Fockers too. was a stinker.

sequels are generally anticlimactic, imhb.

I did not see any of them. Ding!

Really surprised Dukes of Hazard wasn't in there.

They surveyed only the last decade because Showgirls will never, ever topple from #1 on this list.

Gigli at number 73? Check?

John Travolta's overblown ode to Elron Hubbard?

Check?

Every movie ever made with Larry the Cable Guy?

Check.

*phew*

All is right with the world.

Be Well.

/Can't believe the "Left Behind" movies got left behind here.

Only saw one and a half --

Stopped 'Envy' halfway through because it was so bad -- not something I do often.

Saw 'Bless the Child.' I don't remember it being bad. I actually don't remember it, period, which probably says something. I just know I saw it.

Two famous movies that make my worst list:

Apocalypse Now
The Shining

Worst movies of the last 10 years:

The Avengers
Conspiracy Theory


Crisis

The worst "famous" movie of all time has to be "Titanic", with "Gone With the Wind" a close runner up. And then there are big-budget hollywood costume pics like "Cleopatra" and "The Ten Commandments."

"The Family Stone" was pretty fucking stupid. Surprised it wasn't in there. I thought "Rambo" might be as well, even though I have to admit having thoroughly enjoyed watching it.

Without reading the article, let me guess.

Everything with Andrew Dice Clay and/or Larry the Cable guy.

A Tim Allen movie.

Not sure if MC Hammer did a movie, but if he did, it had better be on this fucking list.

The Whitey Tape.

That Blair Witch fucking thing.

Jim Carrey's attempt at a serious role. 23 or something?

The Mailman.

How did I do?

My guess is you went o-fer, Many. But I didn't read it either.

My guess is you went o-fer, Many. But I didn't read it either.

Any list like this is worthless if Gigli isn't on it.


Any list like this is worthless if Gigli isn't on it.

#15 | Posted by MaryTylerWhore

#73

0-fer Monte? You shouldn't bet against the MP like that. Of course I got some of them right.

Anything with Alec Baldwin and/or Sean Chavez.....Penn.


Except Fast Times at Ridgemont High, a classic period piece.

Left Behind movies are not on here due to my connections at RT.


They surveyed only the last decade because Showgirls will never, ever topple from #1 on this list.

#6 | Posted by Diablo

best (worst) scene: sex scene in the pool--damn, she was splashing around like a fish on a hook!

The Piano.

#19 - Oh, Jessica Spano, how the mighty have fallen.

Two of the worst of all time:

Howard the Duck - A Spielburg - Lucas film. Completely incoherant

A Walk in the Clouds - Keanu Reeves

So bad in parts you will want to laugh out loud...which I did in the Theater only to have my wife punch me.

"Anything with...Sean Penn.

#18 | Posted by The_Chapel"


Huh? What a douchebag. Carlito's Way? Dead Man Walking? The Thin Red Line? I Am Sam?

You're an idiot.

(Of course if Sean Penn was a rightwinger, he'd be the best actor ever in your book, right Chapel? I mean, after Heston of course.)

I've seen only one good movie with Sean Penn. Mystic River.

Did you see The Thin Red Line?

No. Never saw that one

The Postman with Kev Costner... one of the best sci-fi books of all time relegated to "Waterworld" status; a travesty!

If you like war movies, you might want to put it on your list. It's long, but it's good. World War II/Guadalcanal. 7 Oscar nominations. It's worth watching.

"Religulous" was such a sophomoric strawman argument that it didn't even slow down my Bible reading.

If that's all one of our country's biggest atheists can come up with, give up atheists.

/Can't believe the "Left Behind" movies got left behind here.#7 | Posted by dethspud at 2009-09-30 05:34 AM | Reply |

They are like the straight-to-DVD Dora movies and straight-to-DVD horror flicks. Not even worth a mention.

"Jim Carrey's attempt at a serious role. 23 or something?"

Um. The Majestic was his first serious role, and it doesn't suck. It's Hollywood shmaltz, and Capra homage, but it doesn't suck. (It's by Frank Darabont.)

I also liked him in Eternal Sunshine.

I think we need to define our terms. Too often, people seem to conflate "I liked it" with "It's good." And "I hated it" with "It's bad." As I say to my kids, Fantastic Four was an awful movie, but I enjoyed it. : )

I scanned 'em quick. Wow, of all 100 flicks, the only one I've seen is 88 Minutes. It could have been much worse. (The movie, I mean.) And I see a lot of movies. I guess by Rotten Tomatoes lights, I have really good taste.

P.S. I love it when there's a nonpolitical thread on DR. But Battlefield Earth--it was Obama's fault.

Anybody ever see Teeth?


Anybody ever see Teeth?

Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-09-30 09:19 PM | Reply

Every time I brush em

I hated "Crash" because it was so damn heavy handed, "Elephant" because it was so slow and not even an orginal story, and the M. Night one where the plants are stalking Marky Mark, "The Happening" I think.
Never saw most on the list, including "Epic Movie", but based on the ads, I've gotta believe that all the movies by those guys have to be awful.
Just saw Inglorious Basterds over the weekend and loved it, although I'm not huge on gory stuff. It was the most my wife and I had discussed a movie afterward in a while.

Every time I brush em
#35 | Posted by LarryMohr

You know for you that would be Tooth, Larry.

But for real.

Teeth

Just use "Peter Travers" as your Infallable Movie Guide!!!

Its easy to spot the decades Worst Stinker Movies! All you have to do is to read that "Peter Travers" of Rolling Stone is giving it a thumbs_up to instantly know its a Vile,Moronic,Worthless Piece of Crap!!!

There are an infinite number of "worst" things.

Apocalypto.

That is the only movie I have seen four times.

Apocalypto.

3x fo rme. Good movie.

Best movie: 2001: A Space Odyssey

Seen it more times than I can count

Okay, I agree with 90% or so, but "The New Guy" & "Boat Trip" were friggin' fantastic comedies. What a great way to waste an 1 1/2 of your life.

Now for what they missed - critical darling or not, Broke Back Mountain, holy shit what garbage!!
Be Cool - total name dropping, cameo TURD!!!
Don't forget ANY & EVERYTHING with Steven Segal!!!!

The Piano



You watched that?.....Dude

Everything with Andrew Dice Clay and/or Larry the Cable guy....

#12 | Posted by Manypaths

Cone on!!! Ford Fairlane (Clay) was a great movie.

"Now for what they missed - critical darling or not, Broke Back Mountain, holy shit what garbage!!"

Couldn't disagree more.

"Be Cool - total name dropping, cameo TURD!!!"

Never saw it but Get Shorty was the only movie I ever walked out on.

"Don't forget ANY & EVERYTHING with Steven Segal!!!!"

With you there.

Alright, 3:10 to Yuma was fucking retarded. I really tried to like it.

The Piano was a great movie.

You guys just can't handle Harvey Keitel naked.

Why was Brokeback Mountain garbage? Is it because it was about homosexuals (repressed)? Or are you really engaging in film analyis? 'Cause cinematically, it was pretty good. (Uh-oh.)

You guys just can't handle Harvey Keitel naked.

#46 | Posted by Zatoichi

What dide can?

dide=dude

Won't lie, partly cuz of the gay shit, but besides that, the movie was crap.
Maybe I am not "enlightened" enough.

Yeah there are some really bad movies in this list.
Big Momma 2 (poor Martin), Son of Mask, Corky Ramono, Battlefield Earth,
Epic Movie, were all terrible movies that for some reason I watched.
The Fog was just an ok movie, I think something like Mr. and Mrs. Smith could replace that.

The Piano was a great movie


I could never sit through a movie like that. My ego just couldn't handle it. That's a fuckin chick flick man. I don't even watch those to get laid.

And, no not repressed, just disgusted!!

"My ego just couldn't handle it."

Keitel had no problem, pencildick.

Now for what they missed - critical darling or not, Broke Back Mountain,

Yes, just a stupid chick flick, but amazing cinematography

And I wonder how 2 actors can do open mouth kisses if they aren't gay.

You guys just can't handle Harvey Keitel naked.

#46 | Posted by Zatoichi at 2009-09-30 09:48 PM | Reply | Flag: Likes to handle a naked Harvey Keitel

Hahaha. My Father in law loves to watch westerns. He got Broke Back and, he didn't know what the fuck, he thought it was just a western. He loved it until he found out it was about queers. He quit watching it. I thought it was so funny when he told me about it. He didn't have a clue!

'Alright, 3:10 to Yuma was fucking retarded.'

No kidding...

#56 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-09-30 09:57 PM | Reply | Flag: shiny mirror

Never met the cleaner. Perhaps you will.

yeah 3:10 to Yuma was pretty fucking awful, and broke back was wtf.
Did any good westerns come out in the last 10 years?

Did any good westerns come out in the last 10 years?

It's been more than ten years, but Unforgiven was good

Snap your fingers Pt. 1...

www.youtube.com

Proud to say I didn't see any one the bottom 100 list. And I get to go to any movie I want for free; I get warned off a lot. My 'desert island discs', in no particular order:
The Shawshank Redemption
The Godfather
Godfather II
Goodfellas
Rashomon
Singin' in the Rain
Casablanca
Raiders of the Lost Ark
The General
Citizen Kane

It's past 9 here.

How about the best ever?

My #1: Blood of a Poet.

Think I'll go watch it and listen to Miles on vinyl.

Night.

Pt.2

www.youtube.com

"Unforgiven was good"

agreed

night

No Country for Old Men wasn't bad but Cohens' movies always end weird. There Will be Blood was pretty good. Gran Torino was a good movie too.

Never met the cleaner. Perhaps you will.
#59 | Posted by Zatoichi at 2009-09-30 10:00 PM | Reply | Flag: Pulp fiction reference?

Mr. Wolf

I just watched Kill Bills again yesterday. I love that shit. My wife hates it.

he Shawshank Redemption
The Godfather
Godfather II
Goodfellas
Rashomon
Singin' in the Rain
Casablanca
Raiders of the Lost Ark
The General
Citizen Kane

#63 | Posted by Danforth at 2009-09-30 10:05 PM


Replace Rashomon with Roadhouse and The General with The Thin Man, and I agree

Any list that doesn't include The Seven Samurai is DOA.

"And I wonder how 2 actors can do open mouth kisses if they aren't gay."

It's called acting. Some guys aren't bothered by it; it's just a job. Some male actors would never do it. Just as some performers won't do nude scenes 'cause it makes them uncomfortable. Do you hold that question for female thespians, too?

And seedeez, I'm glad you were honest about the gayness bothering you, but please, what was crap about the movie? The cinematography alone is beautiful. The acting was... well, uneven, but Heath's scene at the end, when he finds the shirt in the closet, the repression of the parents, hell even Michelle Williams' character's denial and repression--quite good. I'm not saying I loved the movie--I didn't, and I had problems with the morality of the characters, but not because of their gayness (it was sort of like The English Patient for me in that regard)--but crap? Plan 9 from Outer Space is crap. : ) (Sublime crap, to some, but crap.)

I suppose this is a case of needing to define our terms. : )

Serenity was a pretty good western. (g,d,r)

"Replace...The General"

Never! It's my favorite comedy. Last year the nieces and nephews came into town, and the bride tried to talk me out of playing it for them. I told them, if they didn't like it, we'd stop after an hour (it's 70 minutes). Within 5, they realized it was a silent, and sat fascinated. Within 10, they were hooked and laughing their butts off. By the end, they wanted more. Knowing it was done without CGI or stunt doubles makes it all the more awe-worthy.

But The Thin Man....hmmm, I may have to expand my list!

If You are totally secure in Your Masculinity and Heterosexuality kissing another dude shouldn't be a problem. If You aren't sexually secure I am sure it will bug You.

Larry

If You are totally secure in Your Masculinity and Heterosexuality kissing another dude shouldn't be a problem. If You aren't sexually secure I am sure it will bug You.

Bullshit. I am very secure in my sexuality and I would never do an open mouth kiss with a man.

Does your logic apply to sex? I mean, if a guy is secure in his heterosexuality, butt-fucking another one shouldn't be a problem either, Larry?

Well, I'd love to sit and chat movies with you guys but I'm gonna go watch Ghost, then throw in Love Story and end the evening with The Notebook.

Who wants to join me??!! :)

NEVER a problem for a pitcher Goatman.

L8rs

NEVER a problem for a pitcher Goatman.

???

check out some early Altman flix, very well done...

Here's a few good movies (in my opinion) that are fairly recent:

Babel
The Departed
Doubt
No Country for Old Men

(By the way, Wurster - if you don't like the end of No Country, blame Cormac McCarthy not the Coen brothers. That movie was the closest adaption of a book I've ever seen.)

The Man With No Name Trilogy (aka the Dollar Trilogy) is probably some of the best cinema ever made.

Star Wars (the originals not the new ones).

Indiana Jones (again not the new one).

Clue.

All are a must see.

Another good one: Blood Diamond.

Happy to say the only one of those that I've watched more than a few minutes of is Battlefield Earth, and that one I watched (have the DVD) hoping it would be epically bad. Unfortunately, it failed at even that.

And glad to see all of you libs and God-haters skewering movies from people that you hate. Keep up that objectivity, folks!

Jim Carrey's attempt at a serious role. 23 or something?

#12 | Posted by Manypaths

Carrey can be a good serious actor. Check out The Majestic.

Fantastic Four was an awful movie, but I enjoyed it. : )

#32 | Posted by pragmatist

Yeah, right. You were probably slobbering over Jessica Alba's stunning hawtness in the blue skintight. FTR: I was.

Raiders of the Lost Ark

#63 | Posted by Danforth

The 4th installment was one of those movies I wish could be unmade and stricken from all film archives, like Star T(D)rek V, The Final Humiliation.

"Yeah, right. You were probably slobbering over Jessica Alba's stunning hawtness in the blue skintight. FTR: I was."

Well, I did say I enjoyed it. : ) Sure, I enjoyed Alba's ass; why not? But I liked the sheer fun of it--silly, goofy, crappy fun. And they did capture the dynamic and the relationships of the characters well--and Ben Grimm's conflict--even though the story was a travesty. I hated the second one, though.

FTR=for the record? Haven't seen that one before, but you know, I don't get out much.

The Spider-Man movies were all pretty good. Iron Man rocked. And bot Batmovies were very good. Very. (Though, yeah, Dark Knight is probably a bit overhyped.)

Worst movie character of the last 10 years?

Jah Jah Binks.

Jah Jah--funny. (Your rendition of his name, I mean. The character was unfunny. Though I would put Anakin right up there next to him. And use my lightsaber on both. One single sweeping arc.)

It was in the dreadlocks (ears), and that ridiculous drum line at the end of Episode 1 that did it for me. Lucas bandies in racial stereotypes a bit much.

3:10 to Yuma was a good movie. Anyone that says differently is a suck.

And you know what Hagbard? You're on my list you douche. Get Shorty was fucking hilarious. Dennis Farrina made that movie.

I like almost every Guy Ritchie movie, but know he did a stinker with Maddona and I've yet to see Revolver.

I like dark comedy.

I liked Payback with Mel Gibson and Midnight Run.

Top 5 movies in no particular order...
1. Point Break
2. Roadhouse
3. Forest Gump
4. The Usual Suspects
5. Poltergeist

(Honorable...Bridge Over the River Kwai)

"And you know what Hagbard? You're on my list you douche. Get Shorty was fucking hilarious. Dennis Farrina made that movie."

I admit that I was visiting this girl in Baltimore that I used to date when I lived in Yellowstone. It was either sit through the movie or go back to her apartment and....

What would you have done? Am I forgiven?

Two famous movies that make my worst list:

Apocalypse Now
The Shining

WTF?

Both of those are cinematic Classics that will outlive all of us.

Two of the worst "Best" or most over-rated popular films are "Pretty Woman" and "Titanic".

Apocalypto.

Still haven't seen it.

The General

A Must-see.

The Thin Man

On Spud's short list of desert island discs.

Worst chick flick EVAR?

That travelling pants sisterhood thingy.

Pure drek.

Be Well.

What would you have done? Am I forgiven?

#93 | Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-10-01 10:18 AM | Reply

I would have used the old "popcorn" trick on her.

Yes, that gets you off the list.

Apocalypto.

Still haven't seen it.

#94 | Posted by dethspud

Stunning cinematography.

Grisly scenes.

Predictable, rehashed plotline.

Some inexcusable historical inaccuracies.

Did I say stunning cinematography?

"I would have used the old "popcorn" trick on her."

This girl and I were way beyond tricks.


no, i didn't read the article, but can tell you that "bicentennial man" was quite perhaps the WORST movie of ALL time!

#1 | Posted by nanc at 2009-09-29 10:23 PM |


oh no
I liked it...well like maybe a stong word

the music by james horner was wonderfull so maybe that was the attraction

it was a little too long though


BUT at the movie this week I saw an ad for a showing of the classic...whats the name??
uh 'space nine' or whatever...

"In the Valley of Elah", "The Kingdom", "Lion for Lambs", "Rendition", and lastly "Redacted".

In short only "The Hurt Locker" could be considered very good.


The Piano was a great movie.


You guys just can't handle Harvey Keitel naked.

#46 | Posted by Zatoichi at 2009-09-30 09:48 PM | Reply | Flag: GRABBING KLEENEX NOW

The Piano


You watched that?.....Dude

#42 | POSTED BY WURSTER AT 2009-09-30 09:47 PM | REPLY | FLAG

Had to. I had to repay my wife for watching Hot Shots, Part Deux or some shit like that. It was some similar folly on which I had to watch Beaches.

They completely missed every movie made by Michael Moore.

They completely missed every movie made by Michael Moore.

If You are totally secure in Your Masculinity and Heterosexuality kissing another dude shouldn't be a problem. If You aren't sexually secure I am sure it will bug You.

Larry

#75 | Posted by LarryMohr

So, if you are totally secure in your masculinity and heterosexuality, sucking another dude's dick shouldn't be a problem?

Larry, I can't quit you!!

"They completely missed every movie made by Michael Moore."

Boy, I asked this before, and no one addressed it. What is _bad_ about Moore's movies, as movies. He makes film editorials, his words, and they're fairly well done, you know, for propaganda. : ) Seriously, by what criteria are his movies bad? Like Battlefield Earth bad?

#105 | Posted by pragmatist

His movies are what, 1 1/2 to 2 hrs. and the only thing that isn't a lie is when hes says "I am Michael Moore".

I'd say that justifies them as bad. And, yes, Battlefield Earth, bad.

Agreed, SEEDEEZ2, when a movie-maker makes a movie, marketed as a documentary, that is little more than a lying sack of crap, it's a bad movie, regardless of whether it's "well made" or not. The special effects in the new Star Wars movies were fantastic, but they didn't save the movies. When the movie maker makes assertions that their movies project true life, then constantly has to back-peddle, he did not make a good movie.

Add to this of course that idiocy that was AL Gore's "documentary." What a bumbling, hugely inaccurate load.

Anybody ever see Teeth?

Posted by Hagbard_Celine at 2009-09-30 09:19 PM | Reply

Loved it! Laughed my ass off. A cautionary tale for those thinking of forcing themselves on a lady.

Well, there are at least two people who don't seem to understand what either "documentary" or "quality" means.

I agree about the new Star Wars movies, though. The SFX were fantastic (for a video game), but the stories sucked. And how in the world do you make Sam Jackson _boring_. I don't know--ask George Lucas.

That said, Roger and Me is a very effective movie, filled with lies or not. Ditto for Bowling for Columbine. I haven't seen Fahrenheit 9/11. Or Sicko. Or Capitalism (is it out yet?). There's no rule, gents, that documentaries have to present all sides of an issue. Moore's movies are not marketed as documentaries; they are documentaries. They are, by definition, not fiction features. They may be manipulative and propagandistic, but by your criteria, the Bush administration was fiction.

Oh, well, I've learned what some here mean by "bad," so that's enlightening. Well, not really.

I looked up Teeth. It sounds very promising.

Tangenting wildy, have any of you ever seen Hard Candy. I still am not sure whether it's pure exploitation or modern morality play. (Not that I really spent all that much time thinking about it. ; ) )

I looked up Teeth

What did the dictionary say? Plural of tooth?

Wow. Between Wis and Goat, I'm sooo hurt. : )

Imdb, Goat--great resource. I do love a great cautionary tale. Heh.

'Twas a joke, Prag. I use IMDB.com a lot, too. Great resource

Hard Candy was an acting Tour De Force. Ellen Page played that part to perfection.

I gotcha, Goat. I figgered you wuz funnin'. My colleague across the hall, whose love for film rivals my own, prefers AllMovie.com. I've not used it.

Kanrei, I thought page was great in Hard Candy. Pretty cool how she can leap from that to Juno (which I also liked). The guy in Hard Candy wasn't bad either. Dunno what he did after. Oh, that's right--Watchmen! Which I've not seen yet. Gotta reread it first... Time time time...

That's right! He is the Night Owl! Holy Shit! I have not seen Juno yet...too much hype. Watchman was great if you read the comic, good if you didn't. I loved the director's cut, but still, for all its length, much was missing.

I loved Watchmen, the maxiseries (as it was then called). I understand the ending was changed. A friend pointed out that the original ending (and maybe he said the tenor of the whole thing) didn't work as well as Dark Knight. The post-9/11 feel of the latter vs. the Cold War setup of the former. Interesting criticism, I thought. (And DK had its Echelon reference and other stuff that reeked more of modern-day ethical dilemmas...)

Juno was pretty good, though yes, overhyped. There was something fantastic in the dialogue, and despite the unreality of it all, it worked (for me). YMMV, of course. I think that Juno should be a poster child for the anti-abortion crowd. She fucks up (er, so to speak), realizes she's completely and utterly unfit, and decides (against almost all received wisdom) to have the child and give it up for adoption. Oops--sorry to get all political there. : )

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