I have many leather bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mohagany...

Ichi-ban! Wakarimasu ka?

Bakatari!

Toyota!

Ginsu!

Godzilla!

This nooner is starting to sound like Bored of the Rings.

There were some firefighter collecting donations today at a red light. When they came up to my car I asked what the charity was. Before they could answer I said "Who fucking cares!" and i rolled up my window and gave them the finger.
Filthy fucking public servants.

There were some firefighter collecting donations today at a red light. When they came up to my car I asked what the charity was. Before they could answer I said "Who fucking cares!" and i rolled up my window and gave them the finger.
Filthy fucking public servants.

Posted by 101Chairborne at 2008-07-18 12:16 PM | Reply |

Please tell my you ran over their stupid fucking dalmatian.

101, do you do something like this everyday?

What's next?

Are you gonna go to a store and steal the donation jar? If you do, keep in mind the cameras.

Last night, for no reason, i told my neighbors kid there was no santa clause.

coffee beans -- lots of coffee beans

101, do you do something like this everyday?

Yes he does.

What's next?

Dont' ask. You don't want to know.

July 11 (Bloomberg) Blackstone Group LP co-founder Peter G. Peterson celebrated the launch of his $1 billion foundation last night by showing off his latest acquisition: a documentary that examines the perils of the U.S.s debt. (continue)

Watch this 2 minute trailer; theres a little snip of Dr. Paul chastising Greenspan: If I perform like that as a physician, my patient would die.-- Greenspan nods knowingly.

Last night, for no reason, i told my neighbors kid there was no santa clause.

Posted by 101Chairborne at 2008-07-18 12:20 PM | Reply | Flag:

Wait just a minute, what kind of fucking shit are you talking now?

101 and a strong cup of coffee provide my laughs and energy in the morning.

Dont' ask. You don't want to know.

Posted by CalifChris

So funny.... so true!

We should turn his name into a verb... I don't think he'd mind.

"I'm gonna chairborne you!"

"Stop chairborning that poster!"

- Hagbard "Bizarro Rob" Celine

Wait just a minute, what kind of fucking shit are you talking now?

Posted by ride_on at 2008-07-18 12:27

Sorry you had to had to hear it like this, RideOn, but there truly is no Santa. *sob*

About an hour ago, Satan asked God if he could Job 101Clairborne. I heard God say something like "just don't touch a hair on his"

I didn't quite catch the end of it.

Singer Islam wins damages for "veiled women" slur

LONDON (Reuters) - British folk singer Yusuf Islam, formerly Cat Stevens, on Friday accepted libel damages and an apology from a news agency which reported he refused to talk to women at an awards ceremony who were not wearing a veil.

Last night, for no reason, i told my neighbors kid there was no santa clause.

Posted by 101Chairborne

I can see it now....

Chair is sitting in a rocking chair on his front porch.... along comes Timmy, a cute little 5 year old from two doors down, riding gleefully on his training wheeled bike.

101Chairborne: Hey, Timmy, how ya doin' today?

Timmy: O.K, Mr. 101, how are you?

101Chairborne: I've been worse, but I'll be better in a minute...

Timmy: Huh?

101Chairborne: Hey, Timmy, come over here a second, there's a secret I want to tell you.

Timmy: A Secret? What? (Timmy jumps off his bike and rushes up to the porch)

101Chairborne: Did you know that your parents lie to you all the time?

Timmy (nervously): What?

101Chairborne: That's right, Timmy, they lie to you all the time.... in fact, there's no Santa Claus.

Timmy (shaking, then crying, then running away): Mooooooooommmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy!!
!!

101Chairborne (kicking back, chuckling to himself): Yep..... I still got it.

There must be heavy solar flares today.Everyone is acting screwball.

Wait just a minute, what kind of fucking shit are you talking now?

Posted by ride_on at 2008-07-18 12:27

Sorry you had to had to hear it like this, RideOn, but there truly is no Santa. *sob*

Posted by CalifChris at 2008-07-18 12:32 PM | Reply | Flag:

...all of you are so full of shit.

....did that fucking Danni kill Santa and make him go through a lot of pain in the process? Tell me....I can handle the truth.

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado Convertable
Hot pink!
With whale skin hub caps
An all leather cow interior
And big brown baby seal eyes for headlights
YEAH!
And I'm gonna drive around in that baby
At 115 miles per hour
Getting one mile per gallon
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers
And when I'm done sucking down those grease-ball burgers
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ain't a Goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why?
'Cause we got the bombs, that's why!
Two words: Nuclear F**kin' Weapons
Okay!?
Russia, Germany, Romania
They can have all the Democracy they want
They can have a big Democracy cake walk
Right through the middle of Tienemen Square
And it won't make a lick of difference
Because we got the bombs

There must be heavy solar flares today. Everyone is acting screwball.

It's the Friday Nooner. Need I say more?

Dont get arrested. Posession of marine mammels, or parts thereof, is a federal crime.

....did that fucking Danni kill Santa and make him go through a lot of pain in the process? Tell me....I can handle the truth.

Posted by ride_on

Nah, Santa is a Liberal socialist bastard. Right up Danni's alley.

Yeah, but my Santa worked, earned gains and was generous. Now what WIS?

Iie, desu ne. Skoshi mo kohii, kudasai.

101, do you do something like this everyday?

Nah, he is full of shit.

Yeah, but my Santa worked, earned gains and was generous. Now what WIS?

He may work, but he gives his goods away FOR FREE!

Goddam Commie.

"did that fucking Danni kill Santa and make him go through a lot of pain in the process?"

No that was handled by the clinton taxes.

The artist, who changed his name after becoming a Muslim in the late 1970s, will donate the "substantial" payout to Small Kindness, a UN-linked charity which he chairs.

Ha! Doc Sarvis provides Spud his first good larf o' the day with that.

Cat "On the Terror watch list" Stevens aka Joe Islam aka The guy who wrote "Peace Train" wins some coin off the libelous scurvy dawgs over at World Entertainment News Network and gives it over to charity?

Nice.

Spud wonders if Wiki has any info on these guys...

Be Well.

Posted by dethspud

This idiot SO wishes he was an American.

sigh..

ANYWAYS,

I took 2 of my boys to see WALL-E last weekend.
Great movie. a lot of the blogosphere has this theory that the underlying messages are pro- right.
But they are not. It is a leftist anti- big business movie. It is NOT an anti- big government movie.

But it was still good.

101-Your little stunt would have earned a full set of lumps from one hell of a lot of people. I bet you don't even have any idea why.

With wifeypoo out of the country I do spend a bit of time, more than usual, in front of the teevy. I recently stared open mouthed at half an hour of what is supposed to be, I think, a "reality" show:

Dr. (honest!) Phil. I decided that the unhappily wedded couple on it, especially the male half, were such assholes that this must be rehearsed - improvised, but rehearsed - by professional actors.

I have now reluctantly concluded that my sometime sparring partner, the Pretend Paratrooper, is also a put-on. (As may be some of his "friends," like The Snipe, Crispee, Jimmy Dean.)

This One-Oh-One MUST be a parody, a satire, a caricature by libs like me - like that New Yorker cover - of how the right's booze-soaked "mind" works. I let a lot go by, but telling kids there ain't no Santa Claus?

Obviously there ain't no sanity clause. herm

...and when the string is pulled, the herm always, that is always, satisfies lol.

101, let us know when you do something really mean, like kicking a puppy.

...or stuffing that kitten in a sack, inserting a brick and......oops, don't tell Hans.

(ala Spartacus) I am Santa Claus.

There are only two kinds of people...those that think Will Ferrell is funny and those who don't.

More unfunny celebrities:
Eddie Murphy (his cross dressing 15 minutes were up a good decade ago)
Dennis Miller (sold his soul to become a reichwing cabana boy...his stint on MNF outraged me so much I've never watched another game)
Adam Sandler (an entire career based on junior high poop jokes)
Jim Carey (peaked at "well, alrighty then")
Carrot Top ('roid rage phreak...had his eye lids tattooed like some old asian woman)
Andy Dick (Lovitz should have finished the fucking job)
Chris Tucker (on the list for trying to ruin both The 5th Element AND Jackie Chan's career)
Eddie Griffin (on the list for killing the Enzo)
Drew Carey (for thinking he could ever replace Bob Barker)
Rose O'Donnell (that voice...make it stop! My idea of hell is being trapped in a small room for all eternity with her and Fran Dresher)

Dr. (honest!) Phil...boy HERMY...you must have been flat out bored outa yer mind to have to resort to watching that crap.

Go do something interesting...like...watching an ice cube melt.

"watching an ice cube melt"

Yeah, I am sure global warming is to blame for this too.

Greg Norman is putting the youngsters to shame. With Tiger out of the picture I bet the networks like a guy like Norman (or even Rocco Mediate) in the hunt.

Too bad the event comes on so early. I like the weekend routine where golf comes on after yard work and before dinner and wild sex with Mrs Oohrah. Well, at least dinner anyway.

My kid's gonna be with his mom most of this week so I'll be heading for the Sierras to pick out my Hanukkah Bush a little early this year.

Boy will he be surprised when he gets home!

...or stuffing that kitten in a sack, inserting a brick and......oops, don't tell Hans.

Posted by ride_on

Ohhhhh! That was you in the Detroit River the other day!!!

Major purge in McCain campaign:

"AP - Phil Gramm, a top adviser to presidential candidate John McCain, is resigning from the role as campaign co-chairman after his comments that the United States had become a "nation of whiners" who constantly complain about the state of the economy."

I like how they waited until Friday night.

And major new McCain "gaffe":

"""Republican presidential candidate John McCain said on Friday that his Democratic opponent, Barack Obama, is likely to be in Iraq over the weekend.

The Obama campaign has tried to cloak the Illinois senator's trip in some measure of secrecy for security reasons. The White House, State Department and Pentagon do not announce senior officials' visits to Iraq in advance.

"I believe that either today or tomorrow -- and I'm not privy to his schedule -- Sen. Obama will be landing in Iraq with some other senators" who make up a congressional delegation, McCain told a campaign fund-raising luncheon."""

"Dr. (honest!) Phil...you must have been flat out bored outa yer mind to have to resort to watching that crap. Go do something interesting like watching an ice cube melt."

Kerrin, the millennium is here. I totally concur. I don't suppose you'd believe m if I suggested that it was in the interest of science and higher learning.

Network TV is an unmitigated atrocity, directly pushing the dumbing down of the American public. And THAT we all KNOW is a corporate plot.

It's an incessant parade of commercials with brief program breaks every five to seven minutes. Obviously active viewer can stand that, so during commercials we surf, mostly among commercials on other channels. And wind up unable to focus on anything over five minutes.

I'm sure that with market research, advertisers know no one pays attention. But with prescription drugs, cars and beer, YOU pay the bill. herm

"I'm not privy to his schedule"? How the fuck did he know the trip was this weekend? Is that a baldface lie?

Ohhhhh! That was you in the Detroit River the other day!!!

Posted by member2586 at 2008-07-18 07:02 PM | Reply | Flag:

LOL, actually I walk the riverfront every night now.

Ohhhhh! That was you in the Detroit River the other day!!!

Ewww, you guys actually swim in the Detroit River?
And here I thought the Los Angeles River was bad.

Ewww, you guys actually swim in the Detroit River?
And here I thought the Los Angeles River was bad.

Posted by CalifChris

No, we don't swin in it, but we set up lawn chairs and use binoculars to try to catch illegal Canadian immigrants who are trying to sneak in, lol!

I may not be on the computer for todays nooner, so in order not to disappoint the dumb-shits that hang on and are offended by every word I type (and those that check my post history right AmericanConversionVan?):

Man, the early bird gets the worm around here. My doorbell just rang. It was some lady selling subscriptions.
I told her if she didn't get off my driveway I'd kick her in the baby-maker. She acted like she was offended so I scrocked on her face.

I may not be on the computer for todays nooner, so in order not to disappoint the dumb-shits that hang on and are offended by every word I type (and those that check my post history right AmericanConversionVan?):

101

You mean like you did yesterday when you pulled a quote from a thread that was already archived?

Hey, be an total asshole all you want. I never said a word to you until you chose to cross the line. Leave family tragedies off you list of things to be an asshole about.

When family tragedy was used against Goatman you were all over the guy who did it. At least we know you're a hypocrite in addition to an asshole.

Are you senile? I harrass you for continually bringing up your personal tragedies. I've never commented on them one way or another. Quit trying to drum up sympathy for yourself you tired old loser.

If did comment on them you'd remember, trust me.

Using them in any way is wrong. I never mentioned it while you were even awake let alone around here, yet you seek it out to be an asshole.

Like I said, you're only comfortable saying shit behind the safety of a keyboard or from behind the window of your rusty dually.

OK, carry on with your "jokes" bout kicking women in the vagina, insulting fireman, or whatever else you think is funny the most normal people consider low class.

It must suck to be you.

My email is available.

You wouldn't have the balls to say it to my face.

You think I'm "old", "weak" and "senile"?

If that's the case you are REALLY a fucking pussy.

Every story you make up involves either attacking women, or insulting someone from behind your dually window.

Wow, you are such a tough guy!

Oh, I left out puppies.

Yep, you're a pussy extraordinaire.

So now that you've been called out on the fact I've never said anything about them you decide to drop that avenue for garnering sympathy?
Just shut the fuck up about all of your personal details. Don't act like you mentioned it once (which you've already tried to state). You continually mention it. On top of that douchebag, regardless of what time you typed your pleas for sympathy, it's still a public message board. Those may be things you want to share via email. If you don't have that persons email or phone number then I'd suggest you don't know them well enough to be sharing such personal stories, especially so fucking often.

When you feel like sharing next time don't. Unless of course it's that address you were threatening to share so that you could get your face pushed in.

Multiple emails in a row to me...Yeah, I'm not in your head old man.

Why is it you're calling me a tough guy? You're the one issuing threats, offering to give out your address (probably so that somebody will actually talk to you and pay you a visit), and acting as if you'd do anything other than cry your eyes out if somebody did show.

Here's the deal: Nobody including you believes for one second you want me or anyone else to show up at your door and beat you up. It's pathetic that you think me or anyone else would fly or drive to your location just to beat an old mans ass.

Ah. The love. The love.

Unless of course it's that address you were threatening to share so that you could get your face pushed in.

Posted by 101Chairborne

Nobody including you believes for one second you want me or anyone else to show up at your door and beat you up. It's pathetic that you think me or anyone else would fly or drive to your location just to beat an old mans ass.

Posted by 101Chairborne

Who's posting multiple posts now?

Who's mentioned violence but you? Not me.

I said you're too much of a pussy to say the things you do here to anyone's face. But from behind a keyboard or safely tucked in your dually with the window cracked half open, no problem.

Boy aren't you the badass?