OH TAY!

But wait, there's more!

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

that poem soundeth very gay.
I hope me saying that's okay.
The only thing to go astray
Was giving this story any play.

Oh Tay can you Tee?
By the Fawn's Early Flight.
What's so broadly he "nailed"
etc.

aww shux.

Any emo kid could top that.

speaking of emo.

I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.

How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb.
None. They just sit in the dark and cry.

Occasionally I would make up some absolute crap (purposefully - pridefully) and set it to "music". Some of the absolute worse lines imo:

"Daisy cutter, please move over - mighty leaf blower

Burning holes in the O-zone,
tropics and icecaps for oil and gold
Nuclear spring,
winter, autumn and summer
Sometimes war just happens,
lawns will be trampled under

Earthquakes and lightning,
volcanoes, blizzards and blighting
peace comes through craters
and sometimes through criping
Grandmothers melting, community smelting
A wolf dressed up as the candy colored clown."

Now that is genuinely aweful "poetry".:]

awful :]

I came I saw
I ate from My Ma
I got bigger than My Pa
I was convicted by the Law
I watched reruns of hee haw
I went through a lot of chaw
I finally had to eat from a straw
I was buried by My Pa


Larry Mohr

There once was a man from Nantucket ....

The phone is ringing; I cannot linger/

Look out, butt! Here comes my finger!

Those who write on bathroom walls,
roll their poop in little balls.
Those who read those line of wit,
eat those little balls of shit.

--Walt Whitman

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey

Alnog came a spider
Who sat down beside her

And said, "What's in the bowl, bitch?"

The world's worst poets? The Vogons', of course!

Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings (Paul Neil Milne Johnstone) of Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.[1]

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor doggy a bone

But when she bent over
Old rover drove her

The dog had a bone of his own

You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why






Santa Claus is dead

One dark night, when the sky was blue,
Down the alley, the shitwagon flew.
A bump was hit, a scream was heard,
A man was killed by a flying turd.

--Carl Sandberg

The world's shortest Poem:

FLEAS

Adam
Had 'em

Holy diver you've been down too long in the midnight sea.
Oh, what's becoming of me?
Ride the tiger, you can see his stripes but you know he's clean.
Oh, don't you see what I mean?
Gotta get away, holy diver.

Got shiny diamonds, like the eyes of a cat in the black and blue.
Something is coming for you. Look out!
Race for the morning, you can hide in the sun 'till you see the light.
Oh, we will pray it's all right.
Gotta get away, get away.

Between the velvet lies, there's a truth that's hard as steel.
The vision never dies.
Life's a never ending wheel.

Holy diver you're the star of the masquerade, no need to look so afraid. Jump, jump!
Jump on the tiger, you can feel his heart but you know he's mean.
Some light can never be seen.

Holy diver you've been down too long in the midnight sea.
Oh, what's becoming of me. No, no!
Ride the tiger, you can see his stripes but you know he's clean.
Oh, don't you see what I mean.
Gotta get away, get away. Gotta get, away get, away.

Holy diver. Sole survivor, your honour's clean.
Holy diver, holy diver, never cut in the middle comin' after you, holy diver.

--Robert Frost

Holy diver, holy diver, never cut in the middle comin' after you, holy diver.
--Robert Frost
Posted by anton at 2008-05-17 12:05 PM

OMG - no way!? I have a collection of Frost (moms favorite poet) and never made that connection.

What's next - Edgar Allan Poe wrote 'Rock You Like A Hurricane'?

What's next - Edgar Allan Poe wrote 'Rock You Like A Hurricane'?

Here's one, redlight, though you might be too young to have heard it and appreciate:

Ever hear "Jerusalem" by Emerson, Lake, and Palmer from their Brain Salad Surgery Album? It's a poem by William Blake.

And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England's mountains green?
And was the holy Lamb of God
On England's pleasant pastures seen?

And did the Countenance Divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among these dark Satanic Mills?

Bring me my Bow of burning gold:
Bring me my Arrows of desire:
Bring me my Spear: O clouds unfold?
Bring me my Chariot of fire.

I will not cease from Mental Fight,
Nor shall my Sword sleep in my hand
Till we have built Jerusalem
In England's green & pleasant Land.

Till we have built Jerusalem
In England's green & pleasant Land.
Posted by goatman at 2008-05-17 12:34 PM

My dad had all of those LP's, so I know I've heard it. This is about Jews taking over England?! Is that also part of the Zionist agenda - to turn the sterling into a credited monetary system backed by nothing and owned by outside interests?

It would be hardly surprising to me if this was the tradeoff for their hedge fund rollups.

This song and it's horrible "poetic" lyrics always made me cringe. It's awful.

McArthur Park

Spring was never waiting for us, girl
It ran one step ahead
As we followed in the dance
Between the parted pages and were pressed,
In love's hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants

MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...
Someone left the cake out in the rain
and I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
and I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

I recall the yellow cotton dress
foaming like a wave
on the ground around your knees
The birds, like tender babies in your hands
and the old men playing checkers by the trees

MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...
Someone left the cake out in the rain
and I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
and I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

There will be another song for me
For I will sing it
There will be another dream for me
Someone will bring it
I will drink the wine while it is warm
and never let you catch me looking at the sun
And after all the loves of my life
after all the loves of my life
You'll still be the one.

I will take my life into my hands
and I will use it
I will win the worship in their eyes
and I will lose it
I will have the things that I desire
and my passion flow like rivers through the sky.
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
I'll be thinking of you
and wondering why.

MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...
Someone left the cake out in the rain
and I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
and I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!

-- Jim Webb

MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...
Someone left the cake out in the rain
and I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
and I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!
-- Jim Webb
Posted by CalifChris at 2008-05-17 12:53 PM

You'd imagine Rachael Ray could easily incorporate that into a show somehow.:]

I had no idea so many great songs were originally poetry from afar. Blake's "bring me my" stanza is gorgeous - does not qualify as bad, worse or even mildly skanky. Webb, however, seems to be overdosing on Broadway musicals.:]

The boy stood on the burning deck
His feet were full of blisters
He tore his pants on a rusty nail
And now he wears his sister's.

My (Bad) DR Poem

My name is Sniper
Please come and change my diaper.
My name is RideOn
When the GOP lost in '06,like a douche I cried on.

My name is Walt.
The GWB wars are Clinton's fault.
My name is RightWingDon.
I'm a dingdong neocon.


My name is Pinche Mao.
My wife is fatter than a Texas cow.
My name is Kuma.
I'm just retarded.

I got mugged in McArthur park returning from a telecom site on one side of it going to my room at the Biltmore Hotel on the other side. Still have the scar on my neck from the knife cut. Lost my wallet and shoes.

The management at the Biltmore tried to chase me out seeing the blood on my shirt and that I was barefooted. I had to prove to them I was a guest.

ca 1988

"She's Gone"

I woke to find that you were gone,
And took the silverware.
You also smashed the china plates,
But I don't really care.

I found you took the coffee pot,
The skillet for my eggs,
And tied the dish towels in a knot
And sawed off two chair legs.

My stereo has been removed,
My CDs all are gone.
My Playboy magazines I found
Were spread across the lawn.

You took the bread, rolled it in balls,
In jelly scrawled a note,
In purple grape across four walls,
"Good bye, you jerk,"you wrote.

You drove the car across the yard,
And ran down three small trees,
I see you took my credit card
I'll anticipate late fees.

You loaded up my beer and chips
In my old Boy Scout pack,
My first thought was to call your mom,
But she might send you back.

My friends would likely see my side,
But I can't find the phone,
I'll somehow get my own eggs fried.
It's clear I'm on my own.

I'll eat with fingers as I stand
Eat from a paper plate,
I know you'll get the house and land,
And I'll just get the gate.

Today, however, while in town
I'll load up on more beer
The dog will lick the four walls down,
I'll buy some camping gear.

I'll rent a truck, there is no rush,
I'll then load up this lender.
I'll need to buy a new tooth brush
My old one's in the blender.

And once I've got all that I need,
Including all new pills,
My dog and I will then be freed,
To head out for the hills.

You're gone, you left, I'm on my own,
I'm free now of my spouse,
And I have beer, my dog has a bone,
And I'll burn down the house.

-- Bob Birch (2004)

I got mugged in McArthur park returning from a telecom site on one side of it going to my room at the Biltmore Hotel on the other side. Still have the scar on my neck from the knife cut. Lost my wallet and shoes.

The management at the Biltmore tried to chase me out seeing the blood on my shirt and that I was barefooted. I had to prove to them I was a guest.

ca 1988

Posted by goatman at 2008-05-17 04:04 PM


If you thought it was rough then, you ought to see McArthur Park now.

Seriously, Goatman, joking aside, that was a terrible mugging you went thru. You could have been killed. Did you try to fight back when they robbed you and that's why you were attacked so viciously or were they just out to rob and hurt you anyway even if you willingly handed over your wallet?

Didn't fight back. I was jumped from beind and thrown to the ground and a knife at my throat in a second or two. Guy reached in my back pocket and took my wallet. Someone else took my shoes.

They didn't "use" the knife per se, but it was so sharp that it did indeed cause a flesh wound just above my adam's apple.

I still love the Biltmore. What a classy hotel. I stayed there several times. Saw Gregory Peck there once.

Sunrise I greet you, the beauty of your light
So warm and tender was never the night
In tears I see you, the last time it will be
So give me your blessing, I'll meet my destiny
No rest for the Sinner
Hypnos refused me my sleep
This was the last night of my life
With wine I pondered on my deeds
I drank to the devil with servants
It's good with a friend where you go
No one would share my last chalice
So I drink to the ones that I know
Ring brother, ring for me
Ring the bells of hope and faith
Ring for my damnation
I am at the gallows end
With sad emotions, I sing this epitaph
My swansong, my headstone, the farewell of my heart
The hills of Tyburn, up where the gallows stand
Only the vultures will come to see me hang
Behold the sight of my Golgatha
The gallows enlightened by the moon
Proud of his art are the carpenter
His creation a tool for my doom
I am the outcast no winner
I am the fallen the one
That lived all his life as a sinner
The Tempter has called me his son
Ring brother, ring for me
Ring the bells of hope and faith
Ring for my damnation
I am at the gallows end
Soon it is time the dark has now fled
And I see the place for my death
The priest he will pray for my lost soul
I'm sure he's wasting his time
A sinner, a fool or a devil
Or just a victim of life
It's no fun to burn in hell's fire
But I sure have enjoyed my life
Ring brother, ring for me
Ring the bells of hope and faith
Ring for my damnation
I am at the gallows end

--T.S. Eliot

Sittin' at home with my dick on hard
So I got the black book for a freak to call
Picked up the telephone, then dialed the 7 digits
Said, "Yo, this Marquis, baby! Are you down with it?"
I arrived at her house, knocked on the door
Not having no idea of what the night had in store
I'm like a dog in heat, a freak without warning
I have an appetite for sex, 'cause me so horny

Girls always ask me why I fuck so much
I say "What's wrong, baby doll, with a quick nut?"
'Cause you're the one, and you shouldn't be mad
I won't tell your mama if you don't tell your dad
I know he'll be disgusted when he sees your pussy busted
Won't your mama be so mad if she knew I got that ass?
I'm a freak in heat, a dog without warning
My appetite is sex, 'cause me so horny

You can say I'm desperate, even call me perverted
But you say I'm a dog when I leave you fucked and deserted
I'll play with your heart just like it's a game
I'll be blowing your mind while you're blowing my brains
I'm just like that man they call Georgie Puddin' Pie
I fuck all the girls and I make 'em cry
I'm like a dog in heat, a freak without warning
I have an appetite for sex, 'cause me so horny.

It's true, you were a virgin until you met me
I was the first to make you hot and wetty-wetty
You tell your parents that we're goin' out
Never to the movies, just straight to my house
You said it yourself, you like it like I do
Put your lips on my dick, and suck my asshole too
I'm a freak in heat, a dog without warning
My appetite is sex, 'cause me so horny

--Langston Hughes

Goatman

The Biltmore is a beautiful hotel and landmark.

The year you were mugged, I worked in the 54 story Wells Fargo Tower (300 block of Grand Avenue in Los Angeles) and we had a couple of our law firm's Christmas luncheons held at the Biltmore Hotel (500 block of Grand Avenue). The firm did throw a nice Christmas lunch and the Christmas bonuses were pretty good too. (Those were in the days when corporations treated their employees as though they actually valued them.)

I love the old historic buildings. You can keep the super modern hotels -- not my taste. In Los Angeles and all around California if any building is more than 50 years old they merely consider it antiquated and tear it down to build some ugly modern high rise. At least back East historical spots are appreciated. Not in California, though. Land is money and whatever can be torn down to make it more valuable and more money for the developers they do it.

Be glad -- if you can look at it that way -- that you were mugged in 1988 in McArthur Park. Seriously, today the illegal alien "18th Street" gang literally OWNS McArthur Park and the entire surrounding neighborhoods. I doubt you would have come out of your mugging with merely a fleshwound on your neck -- if you survived at all.

he is not a poet

but he do not know it

I'm too old and slow, redlight. Thanks for the suggestion, though

Besides, that was 20 years ago. I no longer have to go through the place and I generally avoid any place that I might get mugged.

I'm too old and slow, redlight. Thanks for the suggestion, though
Besides, that was 20 years ago. I no longer have to go through the place and I generally avoid any place that I might get mugged.
Posted by goatman at 2008-05-17 07:13 PM

Yeah, that guy is very quick and thick-muscled - definitely a professional.

I wonder if police could receive this kind of training and then train citizens? It might cut down on gun victimization. I'd love to see a news segment where the blue-haired stomps the bejeezus out of some punk.

I'd love to see a news segment where the blue-haired stomps the bejeezus out of some punk.

Once in a blue moon (yes, intentional. *g*) we do get such a story. I love 'em too!

The trophy for all-time worst poet EVER
is in the posession of Maya Angelou.


"Achievement brings its own anticlimax"
"As far as I knew white women were never lonely, except in books"
"Effective action is always unjust"
"My life has been one great big joke, a dance that's walked a song that's spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I think about myself"
"Your shit is tapered so your asshole doesn't bang shut"
(OK - the last one is mine, but it's better than the aforementioned liberal nonsense).


By the way, Maya Angelou is also America's favorite UNTOUCHABLE SACRED COW!

I never did "get" poetry. I hate it still. My 8th grade English teacher (her first year of teaching) had this thing for Simon and Garfunkel who were at the top of the charts then. I remember on a test she asked what was meant by the line, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls". I answered, "graffiti artists with delusions of grandeur". She got pissed and failed me.

My mom, who seldom defended me (I was actually in the wrong most of the time) actually came up to the school and protested. She wanted to know how a teacher could say her interpretation was correct.

I got a revised A on the test. Teacher hated me the rest of the year, though. Too bad. She grew up in my neighborhood and was about 8 years older than me. I delivered the newspaper to her family's house. Gorgeous redhead.

digressing. drooling. wanna put in "sounds of silence" CD and throw a newspaper at 3341 Westbrook . . . .. .

By the way, Maya Angelou is also America's favorite UNTOUCHABLE SACRED COW!
Posted by asswipe at 2008-05-17 08:28 PM

"As far as I knew white women were never lonely, except in books" is exceptional, you are absolutely missing the context. She doesn't just represent Black Americans, but all of Americana. Those words are envisioning a past of literary "white-washing" (pun, if you like) and "acceptable" societal behavior. How can you just blow that off as something "liberal"? It's terribly deep, so I can understand how you might be lost amid her intellectual honesty.

Also, she is a wonderful orator - one of Americas crown jewels. Listen to how she recites and perhaps the veneer you impose can be thinned enough allowing her beauty to shine upon even the likes of you.

Sacred - ABSOLUTELY.

At least its still better than wot spud comes up with.

Bee Swell

I never did "get" poetry. I hate it still. My 8th grade English teacher (her first year of teaching) had this thing for Simon and Garfunkel who were at the top of the charts then. I remember on a test she asked what was meant by the line, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls". I answered, "graffiti artists with delusions of grandeur". She got pissed and failed me.
Posted by goatman at 2008-05-17 08:36 PM

That was obviously wittier than she cared to observe - I'd wonder how she feels about any double-entendre? I mean, "rock and roll" always has had it's prophetic undercurrents and overtones. But it mainly comes back to Black musicians incorporating political themes which has evolved nearly everything we listen to today. Country on down to techno. But, I do understand your preoccupation with gorgeous redheads.:]

We are not so different at all - I've been singled-out in college courses (I was quite young and irreverent) for making logical, plain association. Some people are not meant to teach.

Maya Angelou makes upwards of 3 million dollars a
year - most of it earned in liberal-academic circles
BASHING AMERICA.

She is a moral idiot and estupidos like redlightrobot
(after noticing negroid features) become 'moist
with delight' ready to accept her progressive poison.

Simple, arrogant pussie.

(after noticing negroid features)

Oh. You mean, like, the giant black dick that fucks your mother every night?

Projecting again Alexa?

ANY criticism of Maya Angelou is incendiary, divisive and RACIST!

Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early light

How we sits by da creek fo' dem fishes to bite.

We is non-workin' niggas wid nary a care

Cause da govmint, dey pays us dat lovely welfare.

We lives in heaven each hour of da day

An don' have to work 'cause da white folks all pay

Po' white folk must labor from sun to sun

To pay welfare taxes while we have de fun

We don' pay no taxes, we don't make no goods

We just raise mo' niggas way back in da woods

Day pays us to vote and rewards us to sin

While them sweet Democrats keep those checks rollin' in

So each month we wait fo' da slips an' da figgers....

An' dat's all we do.....




We's damn lucky niggas!!!!




fin

Maya Angelou makes upwards of 3 million dollars a year - most of it earned in liberal-academic circles BASHING AMERICA.
She is a moral idiot and estupidos like redlightrobot
(after noticing negroid features) become 'moist
with delight' ready to accept her progressive poison.
Simple, arrogant pussie.
Posted by asswipe at 2008-05-17 10:58 PM

Tell me what you find offensive about liberal discourse, specifically.

How is Mrs. Angelou "bashing" America? From my perspective she is strengthening it, exciting minds and providing insight through articulating the complexity of her experiences in poetic form. She enhances us all via personal reflections.

Who are your heroes? Someone you hold in high regard? Anyone from the civil rights movement?

I'll concede that I can be simple and arrogant, but you have absolutely proven to live up to your handle.

She enhances us all via personal reflections.

She's also a fucking liar whose "personal reflections" tend to be fabrications---which are then further reduced and twisted into infantile pseudo-observations of humanity as seen entirely through prisms of race or class.

And a fucking monkey (or your typical sociology grad student) could do that.

"She enhances us all via personal reflections."

She's also a fucking liar whose "personal reflections" tend to be fabrications---which are then further reduced and twisted into infantile pseudo-observations of humanity as seen entirely through prisms of race or class.
And a fucking monkey (or your typical sociology grad student) could do that.
Posted by Pinche_Mao at 2008-05-17 11:52 PM

Wow - you only cursed once! I'm so proud.

Whoops, "fucking" was used twice.. Well, I'm no less impressed. Consider this your two green stars.

Ooops.

I fucked up.

Maya's not a liar.

Got her mixed up with "Rigoberta Menchu".

Sorry Maya.

Well, I'm no less impressed.

Impressing ignorant leftist shit like you isn't real high on my list of things to do today.

But thanks for the sentiment.

"Impressing ignorant leftist shit like you isn't real high on my list of things to do today."

You finish "satisfying" your cows today, Pinochet?

"Well, I'm no less impressed."

Impressing ignorant leftist shit like you isn't real high on my list of things to do today.
But thanks for the sentiment.
Posted by Pinche_Mao at 2008-05-18 12:05 AM

Any time, darling. You richly deserve it, after all. I don't get many multi-syllabic insults from your kind often enough.

Well, I'll let you get back to fucking your sister/mother. Say "hi" to the twin for me, m-kay?

Don't call your wife a cow, asshole.

You piss her off again and she's going to send you back to Oak Waters instead of where you are now.

Remember---the place with the mean morning nurses who always had cold hands when they changed your diaper?

In the mean time, you'd better hurry up and croak because I'm spending all your money up.

Wow. That was fucking weak, Pinochet. I'm disappointed.

Tis unbelievable a Woman that speaks out against what Her Country does wrong is an American hater and a person who expects a minority to at least appreciate another minority obtaining equal rights and their due justice is called a bigot simply because the one in question happens to be black. This is unbelievable. WOWZERS. Funny Dat Be.

Larry Mohr

I'm disappointed.

Seems to be a common sentiment around your outfit.

"Seems to be a common sentiment around your outfit.

Posted by Pinche_Mao "


Actually, I don't have an "outfit."

"Impressing ignorant leftist shit like you isn't real high on my list of things to do today."

You finish "satisfying" your cows today, Pinochet?

Posted by nullifidian


ff from the "outfit"

I never did "get" poetry. I hate it still. My 8th grade English teacher (her first year of teaching) had this thing for Simon and Garfunkel who were at the top of the charts then. I remember on a test she asked what was meant by the line, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls". I answered, "graffiti artists with delusions of grandeur". She got pissed and failed me

goatie

geezzz....ff

Stalin Epigram

We live, but we do not feel the land beneath us,
Ten steps away and our words cannot be heard,

And when there are just enough people for half a dialogue,
Then they remember the Kremlin mountaineer.

His fat fingers are slimy like slugs,
And his words are absolute, like grocers' weights.

His cockroach whiskers are laughing,
And his boot tops shine.

And around him the rabble of narrow-necked chiefs
He plays with the services of half-men.

Who warble, or miaow, or moan.
He alone pushes and prods.

Decree after decree he hammers them out like horseshoes,
In the groin, in the forehead, in the brows, or in the eye.

When he has an execution it's a special treat,
And the Ossetian chest swells.