This calls for some

Please Don't Bury Me....

See! Honey is good for you.

My mom was so freaked out about being buried alive, she had a stipulation in her will that mandated that she be kept in the open (open box, slab, whatever) for three days. She made sure everyone knew that, too.

Goat- promising her a decent embalming would have taken care of that worry.

I'm taking a cell phone paid up to the following month.

"Er...Hello, ah, this is me. Where am I? It's dark and feels like a coffin. COOFFIN!!!!! ARRRGH! HEEELP!!!!"

"Sorry. Call failed. Out of the service area."

"Oh wow! I knew I shoulda been buried with my Boom Box!"

I'm taking a cell phone paid up to the following month.

"Er...Hello, ah, this is me. Where am I? It's dark and feels like a coffin. COOFFIN!!!!! ARRRGH! HEEELP!!!!"

"Sorry. Call failed. Out of the service area."

"Oh wow! I knew I shoulda been buried with my Boom Box!"

Good thing she "undertook" to get her husband's necklace.

SAVED BY THE BELL / BELLRINGER

When our ancestors realized that they were burying a great deal of people before their time had actually come, they came up with a solution. They tied a string onto the "dead" person's hand, buried them, and tied the other end of the string to a bell and then tied it to nearby tree branch. If the person revived enough to ring the bell, their survivors would rush out and dig them up. Hence... "saved by the bell"

"Collapsed earlier in the day" and then the undertaker reached in the coffin for the last time--?all in one day--they don't mess around in Poland.

SAVED BY THE BELL / BELLRINGER

When our ancestors realized that they were burying a great deal of people before their time had actually come, they came up with a solution. They tied a string onto the "dead" person's hand, buried them, and tied the other end of the string to a bell and then tied it to nearby tree branch. If the person revived enough to ring the bell, their survivors would rush out and dig them up. Hence... "saved by the bell"

#10 | Posted by AMERICANUNITY

Was going to post the same info---people disagree on the info but it makes for a great story anyway.

Looks like this is an open and shut case...

SAVED BY THE BELL / BELLRINGER

When our ancestors realized that they were burying a great deal of people before their time had actually come, they came up with a solution. They tied a string onto the "dead" person's hand, buried them, and tied the other end of the string to a bell and then tied it to nearby tree branch. If the person revived enough to ring the bell, their survivors would rush out and dig them up. Hence... "saved by the bell"

#10 | Posted by AMERICANUNITY

Was going to post the same info---people disagree on the info but it makes for a great story anyway.

#12 | Posted by matsop

Another saying (supposedly) from that situation was he's a "deadringer".

Looks like this is an open and shut case...

#13 | Posted by OohRah

If it is, it should be reopened.

Ya, lots of later exhumed coffins with scratches on the inside. Ewwwww. Poor stiffs.

Ya, lots of later exhumed coffins with scratches on the inside. Ewwwww. Poor stiffs.

#16 | Posted by AMERICANUNITY

Must of been a "rigorous" attempt to get out.

It might of been "rigorous" but "mort-of-us" should be concerned about this.

They train for that scenario at evangelical "Rapture Camps", where folks are trained on getting out of coffins and out from under 6' of soil.

Probably the reason the old guy appeared dead is because his head was stoned.

They train for that scenario at evangelical "Rapture Camps", where folks are trained on getting out of coffins and out from under 6' of soil.

#19 | Posted by AMERICANUNITY

They sound pretty paranoid and figure people are "plotting" against them.

You're never going to "see-me-tarry" around one of those funeral homes.

The doctor's new "intern meant" to say that he still had a pulse

The "deadringers" probably wondered "for whom that bell tolled"?

Very Punny!

The doctor's new "intern meant" to say that he still had a pulse

#23 | Posted by goatman

The "resident" of the coffin was grateful the "intern meant" what he told the doctor.

Very Punny!

#25 | Posted by AMERICANUNITY

The old man didn't think it was "very punny" and showed it by sending back a "suit".

Did anyone see the movie "Death at a Funeral"? This story reminds me of the scene where the guy on drugs starts yelling "I knew it! I knew it!" when the midget popped out of the coffin.

If you haven't seen it and you enjoy a dark comedy, I recommend it/

Very Punny!

#25 | Posted by AMERICANUNITY

Don't you mean, bury punny?

The old man was one of Obama's "shovel ready jobs".

Umm.. I'm not an undertaker, but if the veins are filled with embalming fluid (not blood). How is it possible to still be breathing?

The 76-year-old Polish beekeeper had collapsed earlier in the day and been pronounced dead at the scene by a doctor.

The thousand injuries of Fortunato we had borne as we best could, but when he ventured into our hive, we vowed revenge.

~ The Bees

I was at a funeral where the preacher fell dead at the grave site.

...the preacher fell dead at the grave site.

How convenient

Umm.. I'm not an undertaker, but if the veins are filled with embalming fluid (not blood). How is it possible to still be breathing?

#31 | Posted by martoni

Pretty difficult.

I was at a funeral where the preacher fell dead at the grave site.

#33 | Posted by rebelnation

Did he fall into the grave?--if he did he was an interloper.

The 76-year-old Polish beekeeper had collapsed earlier in the day and been pronounced dead at the scene by a doctor.

The thousand injuries of Fortunato we had borne as we best could, but when he ventured into our hive, we vowed revenge.

~ The Bees

#32 | Posted by Jak_Se_Mao

The "bees-wax"-ed his ass?

"I happened to touch the artery in the neck and was totally shocked. I checked it again and shouted, There is a pulse.' My assistant checked as well. I leant in close and I could tell that he was still breathing. My God, it was a miracle."

It was a miracle!! LOL

This must be a hoax..

This must be a hoax..

#38 | Posted by MURPHY

Hoax and change?

Thank God (if this isn't a hoax) the undertaker didn't try to gingerly remove the necklace and never feel a pulse.

I hope Gahan Wilson draws a cartoon about this.

Thank God (if this isn't a hoax) the undertaker didn't try to gingerly remove the necklace and never feel a pulse.

#40 | Posted by AMERICANUNITY

Unless his hand brushed the carotid artery.

Very Punny!

#25 | Posted by AMERICANUNITY

Don't you mean, bury punny?

#29 | Posted by goatman

Doubly bury punny (sounds like a Mexican accent LOL)

I think I'll have some coffee and "cream-mates" it taste better and then it's time to hit the sack.

I hope Gahan Wilson draws a cartoon about this.

Edward Gorey would have done a masterpiece with this.

Saved by the Bell?

Didn't Ricky Schroeder invent that one?

Deadringer?

A problem often found when the Zombie Mafia involve themselves in the Zombie Basketball Association.

Did we fergit "graveyard shift"?

Is same, silly meme.

England is old and small and they started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, one out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."

Not true, of course, but still fun.

Nowadays they pump out your blood and pump you full of embalming fluid...so when they bury you the chances that you will wake up are quite slim....still lots of people these days have requested to be buried with their...cellphones!

When our ancestors realized that they were burying a great deal of people before their time had actually come, they came up with a solution. They tied a string onto the "dead" person's hand, buried them, and tied the other end of the string to a bell and then tied it to nearby tree branch. If the person revived enough to ring the bell, their survivors would rush out and dig them up. Hence... "saved by the bell"

#10 | Posted by AMERICANUNITY

What happened is that they ran out of space in the graveyards... so they dug up old coffins. They discovered 1 in 25 had scratches inside the coffin indicating a 'live' death.

Sooooo they had ran the string as you mentioned and someone stayed up all night ON THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT. Additionally they held up the burial s and threw a party where they waited for possible revival come to be know as the WAKE

he didn't look good so they checked him again

Doubly bury punny

#43 | Posted by AMERICANUNITY

Ben & Jerry's new flavour?

Brainzzzzz, brainzzzzzz......

The Zombie Apocalypse is starting....

I heared he was just a little buzzed, nut dead.

Great story on being buried alive:

The Premature Burial by Edgar Allan Poe:

How is it possible to still be breathing?

They obviously don't embalm in Poland, hence the quick burial.

I'm taking a cell phone paid up to the following month.

"Er...Hello, ah, this is me. Where am I? It's dark and feels like a coffin. COOFFIN!!!!! ARRRGH! HEEELP!!!!"

Can you hear me now?

They train for that scenario at evangelical "Rapture Camps", where folks are trained on getting out of coffins and out from under 6' of soil.

Lol, like Kill Bill?

Quasimoto was hopping around in the belfry when he made a misstep and got in the way of one of the swinging bells which struck him in the face with a loud bang. He was pushed out the side and fell to the cobbles below where he lay in a pool of blood and gore. Curiosity seekers assembled wondering what happened. "Who is that man?" one asked. His neighbor answered, "I can't remember his name but his face rings a bell."

", along with the fact that peoples nails and hair continue to grow even after death fer a bit"

Not true, it is the skin and tissue retracting that caused it to look like they are still growing.

Solution?

So that's where Harry Reid is.

oops!!!

"Undertaker Finds Man Alive in Coffin"

Resurrected by prayer!!
~Zombie Zed

no zat

some people are just too mean and ugly to die..
so I guess youve got little to worry about

da dump dump

"I guess youve got little to worry about"

Yup.

All you have is just ugly, though.

And yet another case of Govt controlled Socialized Medicine.

Hurry up and burry them before anyone can realize hes not really dead.

ALMOST a good retort..zac....dont quit your day job....