Fuck You Tosser!

You know those are Pathan kids outside Quetta, with a sprinkling of Afghan refugee kids. The last thing a Pathan needs is to be MORE weaponised than before.

You know what this means.

Compulsory Silat classes for all kids in religiously very loose Karachi; and mandatory Krav Maga for all the kids in the Punjab.

All of Sindh outside the urban areas can learn Muay Thai.

Shit - Silat trained MQM Ghundas versus Kung Fu ANP Workers - imported from Quetta.

Refereed by Rangers para-militaries trained in (cause they're pussies) Gatka.

Pay Per View.

Compulsory Silat classes for all kids

Shit, I've seen videos of that stuff. Brutal.

And by brutal, I mean a bloody ass-pummeling that inspires death metal lyrics.

Silat is the cousin of "Bando" (my martial art).

That would make it very brutal, correct (more brutal than Karate and far more than Kungfu).

At one time, American Bando practitioners were banned from competing in martial arts matches because the other people kept coming down with broken bones.

Don't bring a fist (or a sword) to a gunfight

Considering who's come back, "or an antenna..."

Considering who's come back, "or an antenna..."

Lol, though he might say "don't bring a gun to an antenna fight".

Don't bring a fist (or a sword) to a gunfight.

Actually, if the distance is 10 feet or less, the knife will win against the gun, 9 times out of 10. (these results were confirmed by NYPD)

And a blade never runs out of ammo.

And a blade never runs out of ammo.

Oh, I'm well aware... rule #2 of killin' zombies: blades don't need reloading.

Have you seen the damage a car antenna can do?

Gee thanks for that. Now who's going to clean the chunks of my dinner up?

"Actually, if the distance is 10 feet or less, the knife will win against the gun, 9 times out of 10. (these results were confirmed by NYPD)"

Post them, or you're an Indian plant to make Pakistanis look stupid ...

Here you go Tadpole.

Look for "21 foot rule".

Oh yea? Look up 31 meter single side band rule for a really scary weapon.

killin' zombies: blades don't need reloading

Screw killin' Rule#1 of a Zombie apocalypse - stay put and fortify your house for twenty eight days minimum.

I already got my plans for home fortification and storin' up water in these Suburbistani death traps you 'Muricans call "homes". I call them "cardboard keep-human-warmers".

Of course the water rationin' is something tosser can testify Pak-Land got me adapted to.

But yeah - fill up on water and keep fillin' every container until water runs out. Fortify house, breaking stairs. Keep emergency broadcast radio receiver with extra batteries running at all times.

And above all; KEEP QUIET! >_

It helps when the old country had it's own zombie apocalypse in 1947 and then with the Afghan refugees in 1979.

Tosser if you've seen 28 Days Later, bro it's these kinds of human catastrophes that Zombie apocalypse movies are sorta loosely based on.

Gun defense vs Knife

Damn. Nice Yaar.

No,I like to keep away from movies like that. I don't watch horror movies. I only watch porno, scifi, bank robbery type capers. Good spy movies aren't around anymore.

When it comes to TV shows, I love "Burn Notice" and "Mentalist".

it's these kinds of human catastrophes that Zombie apocalypse movies are sorta loosely based on.

That's true enough.

Thing about a knife is, I will pretend a cute mixture of compliance, eagerness to please and confusion, to get close to you... until it's too late.

With my fist closed around it, you can't really tell what it is, until I press a button and the spring loaded blade locks in (6 inches).

A knife, with a minimum of skill and acting, is a truly awesome weapon.

Encyclopedia Drammatica

Actually, yes I did come across that when I was wondering where on the interwebs Tosser had learnt his Internet-Fu.

So I thought I would practise my skillz by finding Toss.

So I looked for South Asian references that coincided with politics and Pakistan, starting from an old blog we were on, moving to a Pakistani discussion forum and then it led me to the Drudge Retort page on Encyclopedia Drammatica where I kinda recognised Tosser.

Apparently that ultr-liberal "Zoroastrian" sock-puppet character was having fun. Plus he and "Zarathustra" have disappeared.

And now you Zombiehunter, another liberal gentleman are here.

Interesting *Scratches Chin Intellectually*

So I thought I would practise my skillz by finding Toss.

So I looked for South Asian references that coincided with politics and Pakistan, starting from an old blog we were on, moving to a Pakistani discussion forum and then it led me to the Drudge Retort page on Encyclopedia Drammatica where I kinda recognised Tosser.

Yes... that was rather impressive. LOL

I will pretend a cute mixture of compliance, eagerness to please and confusion, to get close to you... until it's too late.

Damn, that's what my parents tell me to pretend to be like every time I'm around Gora's. Or any strange "official" type people. Pretend innocence. Or ignorance. Somebody called it "Playing Colombo".

you can't really tell what it is

Yeah, but you shouldn't make *that* many enemies.

Weaponology ain't my thing toss. But sure if you know how to use a knife it's probably worth it. Thing is - I think every time I see martial arts type stuff - in the real world we all fight dirty.

I imagine a dojo full of people versus two MQM ghunda's on a bike - one driving, one armed with a Kalashin, plus two extra clips.

I ain't kiddin' you bro; that's the scenario I'm always on the lookout for.

I ain't kiddin' you bro; that's the scenario I'm always on the lookout for.

So Bando brother, how does your dojo full of martial arts students deal with the potential threat of two MQM wallahs coming a pillion riding some time with Kalashins?

how does your dojo full of martial arts students deal with the potential threat of two MQM wallahs coming a pillion riding some time with Kalashins?

Those two MQM goondas will probably be from my dojo.

We teach all types... specially goondas and we don't ask questions.

Those two MQM goondas will probably be from my dojo

I forgot the nexus of violence with other violence in Pakistan.

All Types

Speaking of all types Tosser, I had a serious question to ask you.

1) Are you Omar R. Qureishi?

2) Are you related to Omar R. Qureishi?

3) How do you know Omar R. Qureishi?

Speaking of all types Tosser, I had a serious question to ask you.

Are you Omar R. Qureishi?

I believe Tosser is known as King Omar R. Qureishi.

Califchris, I love you but, you have no idea what I'm talking about. But funny title though.

King Omar R. Qureishi

Could be. But let's see Toss's take on the questions.

Tosser uses "well researched opinion" as fact, but can't bring himself to actually post the data:

This is a misunderstanding of the well-known principle used in police training called "The 21-foot Rule". It's based on well-researched data on the reaction times of police officers. The rule states that a criminal with an ALREADY drawn weapon who is LESS THAN 21 FEET away from a police officer can attack and close the gap before the officer can get his gun out of the holster and shoot.

To review:

1. The attacker must already have the weapon drawn.

2. The defender must have a gun in a normal waist holster, like that of a police officer.

3. The attack must be made by a person in normal physical health.

4. The defender is an average quick-draw.

5. The attacker must come from a distance of 21 feet or less."

This is to alert the police ... not a RULE which means a knife wins!

I do think you are an Indian agent here to make Pakistanis look stupid, or at least ignorant of reality!

Like Pakistan needs to "reverse engineer" a Predator, they can buy unjunked by crashing in the Himalayas!?! Unreal!

... or you actually are a Pakistani who must invent comments to sound like an "exspurt" as tossers usually are, and actually dumb as rocks.

#32 | Posted by tadowe

How many vultures lurk on these threads anyway.

Must go and google some mozilla addon to see how many people are always currently viewing a webpage.

#32 | Posted by tadowe

So when did Tosser step on your tail Tadpole?

I will pretend a cute mixture of compliance, eagerness to please and confusion, to get close to you... until it's too late.
#22 | Posted by Tosser

......Muslim sincerity......

.....it's what makes you people admired and loved the world over......

I forgot the nexus of violence with other violence in Pakistan.

We also train cops and people like customs officers. I myself have also trained army personnel in hand to hand and fastest way to break someone's neck.

President's bodyguards are trained by us.

1) Are you Omar R. Qureishi?

No.

2) Are you related to Omar R. Qureishi?

No.

3) How do you know Omar R. Qureishi?

Yes.

How do you know Omar R. Qureishi?

We text each other dirty jokes.

How many vultures lurk on these threads anyway.

Tadpole is one of the most ridiculous people here, so pay him no heed.

He seems to have impressed a girl or two here with his "intelligence", which I can tell you consists of linking himself up with a fringe view and then defending it by trolling and insults.

He is not smart. Pest usually aren't.

ignorant of reality

I will post in a language you claim to know well.

คนรางคุณโง่. คุณจะไม่ทราบความจริงถ้าบิตคุณใ นตูดของคุณ.

LOL

What did I say, you piece of shit?

คนรางคุณโง่. คุณจะไม่ทราบความจริงถ้าบิตคุณใ นตูดของคุณ.

(Please Do Not Lean Against Slurpee Machine)

not a RULE which means a knife wins!

If your gun is holstered (like in real life), it's a rule. 9 times out of 10, knife wins within 20 feet.

If your gun is out, knife still has a good chance of winning... specially if you do what I described.

That is why Filipino anti-terrorist cops carry a knife as their primary weapon, not a gun.

Claiming to have lived in Thailand, I am surprised at your stupidity in not realizing just HOW FAST a semi-trained person can close the distance.

It's faster than you can blink, mister.

Also realize that most gunfights happen at a distance of 7-8 feet.

At that distance, you're SCREWED. LOL

I believe Tosser is known as King

Only if I was Elvis.. which I'm not.

I look like Keanu Reeves, but some people don't agree.

(Please Do Not Lean Against Slurpee Machine)

Don't be silly.

Let Tadpole figure it out.

Btw, do you know what are the last words one hears before one gets knifed? It's not "give me your money".

I mean, it could be anything, but most often it's the sentence "what's the time?"

Don't fall for that. LOL

It's Thai. Something to do with prostitutes...

It's Thai.

Yes, it is.

Something to do with prostitutes...

Hell no.

That won't insult Tadpole.

He is not smart

Thats kind of obvious, 'cause I never said he is.

Training

OK. Understandable where the news comes from.

Omar R. Qureishi

I was wondering what the connection between him and nfp was, and if you come into it tangentially.

We text each other dirty jokes.

I was thinking along the lines of interaction in terms of getting stuff in print. Or just seeing him from time to time.

him and nfp was, and if you come into it tangentially.

God no!

Or just seeing him from time to time.

No, it's only hello-hi... from across the street.... once in a long while.

Why do you keep bringing up Nadeem Paracha? He is the person I am least likely to send an Eid card to.

It ruins my whole mood, swear. LOL

Why do you keep bringing up Nadeem Paracha

After he saned up in the new millenium, I was looking for stuff on Indus Music on wikipedia when I stumbled upon him and Zaka. These guys seemed like the only serious thing going anywhere close to my age in Pakistan what was it five years ago. So I looked into their stuff and was rather impressed. So I followed him on the internet with a small group of people looking for some smart history oriented takes on the news. We got it with NFP.

So it was a small group of people who tuned in for news with him.

Then the whole lawyers thing began. You were sceptical of it. If you'll remember, that was when I basically came out for Benazir against a load of Pakistani's. So neither of us were gung ho on this whole judicial "revolution".
Well prepare to get uncomfortable because in the same anti-lawyer position was NFP.
People expected him to speak up for the "revolution". There was silence. No matter.
Then 12th May happened.

You supported Musharraf.

Yes, I did. But it's not like he's me daddy.

If I hear "Mushi got hit by a bus while crossing the street" I won't go "boo hoo"... more like "O dear.... now what's for dinner?"

Your choice and mine are gone. His remains.

That IS a very uncomfortable thought.

I was sure I would never see the day when Paracha became smarter than myself.

Very interesting email, I must say.

interesting

Interesting means a lot of things brother.

When that stupid bitch got roof-levered, I wasn't boo hoo either. More like planet-stops-moving-for-five-
seconds then, "Oh damn hows this gonna hit the fan".

That stupid bitch had been in the public eye for the entire time I had been alive. You may have not seen a politician survive two continous decades in your life but for a certain age group that woman was a fixture.

I don't think I was even born when you would be watching 50-50

"Mushi got hit by a bus while crossing the street" I won't go "boo hoo"... more like "O dear.... now what's for dinner?"

Depending on how bad the accident was, you could put chunks of him on rice, wrap a seaweed band around it, grab the pickled ginger, and have mushi for dinner.

Depending on how bad the accident was, you could put chunks of him on rice, wrap a seaweed band around it, grab the pickled ginger, and have mushi for dinner.

Please!

Awful joke. Just awful. But funny.

grab the pickled ginger, and have mushi for dinner

Why cannibalism? There's perfectly good chicken burgers to be had (Big Mac Size) for Rs 50 (80 Cents).

Sushi Mushi.

Yech.

But yeah ok, I get it - but I ain't Splinter from Teengae Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Must go on car pool - TTYL all

Interesting means a lot of things brother.

Eye opening.

I don't think I was even born when you would be watching 50-50

LOL... I used to watch "50-50" all the time (Pak version of Monty Python... damn funny).

I remember Bhutto himself.. Benny's daddy. Man, could he speak!

Here is an old old clip from "50-50"... a classic!

Splinter from Teengae Mutant Ninja Turtles.

It's been many years since I've been exposed to them (my son collected the action figures) but I thought they were named after the great masters?

Donatello, Raphael, Michelangelo and Leonardo, I think?

Their master was a giant rodent called "Splinter" for some reason.

Here is an old old clip from "50-50"... a classic!

I've seen skits from that show on PBS. But I thought it was a BritCom. I didn't realize it was Pak. How long has it aired?

Their master was a giant rodent called "Splinter" ...

I forgot about him.

How long has it aired?

It lasted from the 70s to the mid 80a I seem to recall.

We only had one TV channel in Pak back then, so this was something everyone saw.

Apparently that ultr-liberal "Zoroastrian" sock-puppet character was having fun. Plus he and "Zarathustra" have disappeared. And now you Zombiehunter, another liberal gentleman are here.

Lol, I don't remember a guy named Zoroastrian and the poster that goes by Zarathustra has been on this site at the same time as me several times. No idea where he/they went, but I am not him/them. I will credit Zarathustra for giving me some good laughs and taking my fist choice of handle, though.

For all I know, they might have died and their bodies left to the elements.

Donatello, Raphael, Michelangelo and Leonardo, I think?

Their master was a giant rodent called "Splinter" for some reason.

Hell yeah... only the most kickass cartoon of the early '90's.

I do think you are an Indian agent here to make Pakistanis look stupid

I think you're a Russian here to make Americans look stupid.

Go ghoke on a chode, tovarisch.

ghoke=choke

I think the message is clear, though.

YS_1 asks, "How many vultures lurk on these threads anyway."

Vultures? Have we conversed prior to this moment? I read the comments section of this blog and saw Tosser performing his typical, callow braggadocio while spicing it up with his blatant anti-Americanism. I'm actually surprised he doesn't carry a car antenna ...

Why don't you tell me that you would prefer a knife to a gun in defense?

YS_1 continue to question, "So when did Tosser step on your tail Tadpole?"

1. I noticed the nick, and anyone calling themself a masturbator is a case of arrested developement and probably a bit dense.

2. I dislike braggards and Tosser is about the worst example of that character fault on this blog.

3. ... well maybe he and Bob ...

4. Anti-Americans are, in my book, some of the most brainwashed idiots in existence, and Tosser is one of those, on both counts.

5. Are you one, two?

If so, come on back with some more name mockery, or direct insults in defense of your friend, Bashing The Bishop ...

YS... real reason Tadpole doesn't like me is that I got him banned many moons ago and he being an anal chap, can hold a grudge for a long time.

This is a reason for many people around here to hate poor old me.

People don't understand that I only seek to be loved and cuddled. I can't help it if I'm a porcupine.

Anti-Americans are, in my book

Look who's talking.... "Voice of America" coming out of Bangkok Massage Parlor.

come on back with some more name mockery

Oh and this Tadpole who is a known Tadpole hates being called a Tadpole.

One more reason.

while spicing it up with his blatant anti-Americanism.

Chootoyay.... Bhainchod.... WHERE in this thread did I "spice it up with anti-Americanism"?

Eh, liar?

I told you this fellow isn't the brightest pup in the litter.

Hey Toaster, what's wrong with Retardowe?

Hey Toaster, what's wrong with Retardowe?

He is being extra-retarded tadpole today and is swimming in circles for reasons best known to himself.

But what does that have to do with Miss Pakistan?

"But what does that have to do with Miss Pakistan?"

Absolutely nothing.
I don't need an excuse to post pictures of beautiful women.

I'm actually surprised he doesn't carry a car antenna ...

If he did, you'd be dead by now. They're that dangerous.

Banging the Bacon says, "YS... real reason Tadpole doesn't like me is that I got him banned many moons ago and he being an anal chap, can hold a grudge for a long time."

See? Bragging about his obsession over me! Now, he has me down as the one who is anal, while he conveniently forgets his angst over some insult or another he received to cause him to begrudge my posting. Anyway, I wasn't "banned" over any contretemps with Choking Kojak ...

The self-centered jerkoff continues, "People don't understand that I only seek to be loved and cuddled. I can't help it if I'm a porcupine."

Wow! So prickly and bragging on it! A perfect demonstration of my point #2; albeit unconsciously done.

Giving Yourself the Hand goes 2-fer, "Look who's talking.... "Voice of America" coming out of Bangkok Massage Parlor."

What? You are incoherent.

Having a Roy goes 3-fer, "Oh and this Tadpole who is a known Tadpole hates being called a Tadpole."

I got used to it in 1st grade, and now use it to notice how effective I've been in commentary ...

Chakwao says, "Chootoyay.... Bhainchod.... WHERE in this thread did I "spice it up with anti-Americanism? Eh, liar?"

You are a master of attention, aren't you? Why would I have to depend on this thread only for my dislike of a stupid, anti-American jerkoff?

For my part, I'm here to contradict the idiocy I see presented as fact. Although you are about the most hidebound of idiots posting here, I know that your bragging is a demonstration of insecurity and self-doubt, so out of pity I mostly avoid your efforts to insult America, while elevating Pakistan as some icon of the Aquarian Age ...

Wow.

Tadpole has some chip on his shoulder... LOL

I think he's headed for a mental breakdown. Should be fun to see....

Tadpole... I know it is hard for an anal-personality like yourself to let go... but do try.

Whatever I did to you in the past, just forget it. I know I have. I no longer care why I sent you to the cleaners.

Here... pals, shake hands?

I got used to it in 1st grade....

.... only to get used to it all over again today.

Such are the winds of fate.... Tadpole.

Tad.... at this point in your life, you can only ask yourself two questions.

1. Do I spit?

2. Or do I swallow?

See? Another prolix response (3 for one this time) showing how Wanker's neurotic obsession with me.

P.S. 4 for 1 ... lol

I told you all he's headed for mental breakdown....

This will not end well.

So Tadpole... you don't want to be pals with me?

I swear I don't care about the reason I had you sent away.... you forget it too.

Start fresh. It's a new day!

So.... do you spit or do you swallow?

If he did, you'd be dead by now. They're that dangerous.

Why the hell would I carry an antenna when I always carry a knife, or a mini nunchuck, or stainless steel foot long rod (for banging on head), or ...very occasionally... a gun (besides the knife).

However when passing through metal detector I have to take all that shit out. That's a bother.

More serial posting from the fly covered dung specimen known as SaladTosser?
Shocking.

Cripple is still alive!

Shocking!

Kungfu traing = Dance lessons

Kungfu traing = Dance lessons

I bet you work in a cubicle.

"If he did, you'd be dead by now. They're that dangerous."

Why the hell would I carry an antenna when I always carry a knife, or a mini nunchuck, or stainless steel foot long rod (for banging on head), or ...very occasionally... a gun (besides the knife).
However when passing through metal detector I have to take all that shit out. That's a bother.
#92 | Posted by Tosser at 2010-01-26 03:25 PM

You people can get box cutters through airport security - surely mundane weapons are a breeze!:]

I'm still a fan of disarming if possible rather than involve another weapon.

I managed to sneak one of my knives through metal detectors more than once.... even after the guy went over me with his wand.

See, when it goes "beep", he tells you to take your crap out of your pockets and put it in the cup.

I get all my crap out... mobile phone, keys, coins, etc... and make sure the knife (always a folding blade) is at the bottom.

Idiot doesn't even look at it twice.

I take my crap and put it back in my pocket and I'm through. LOL

I'm going to try making a Bakelite stabber with serrated edge. That will go through any detector with no worries.

I'm still a fan of disarming if possible rather than involve another weapon.

The best disarm technique is "make him bleed like a fountain".

Trying to disarm a guy waving a knife in your face is a stupid fantasy many martial artists have, probably from watching too many movies.

It won't work.

Yeah, you might get lucky. You might disarm him.

But you have to be VERY good and VERY lucky... and the other guy just has to be an untrained punk.

Even if he is waving his arms about all over the place without any training, you'll still get cut if you don't act in under half a second. And only one chance. No two chances.

In every knife disarm technique, there are two parts.

1. Get out of the way or intercept.
2. Hurt the guy badly otherwise he'll do it again in half a second.

Without part 2, you're a goner. (yes, Krav Maga sez that too)

Target, neck, groin area or knee. Make sure you break something.

"I'm still a fan of disarming if possible rather than involve another weapon."

The best disarm technique is "make him bleed like a fountain".
Trying to disarm a guy waving a knife in your face is a stupid fantasy many martial artists have, probably from watching too many movies.
It won't work.
Yeah, you might get lucky. You might disarm him.
But you have to be VERY good and VERY lucky... and the other guy just has to be an untrained punk.
Even if he is waving his arms about all over the place without any training, you'll still get cut if you don't act in under half a second. And only one chance. No two chances.
In every knife disarm technique, there are two parts.
1. Get out of the way or intercept.
2. Hurt the guy badly otherwise he'll do it again in half a second.
Without part 2, you're a goner. (yes, Krav Maga sez that too)
Target, neck, groin area or knee. Make sure you break something.
#99 | Posted by Tosser at 2010-01-27 02:05 AM

I won't disagree that cutting someone is usually alarming enough to end the conflict, giving up your wallet is sometimes the smartest move, but also giving false impressions such as terror or compliance, even mental retardation or physical deformity also helps dissuade violence until further action is available. You are totally right - disarming is a martial arts performance requiring training such as reading your opponent.

How people carry themselves allow for surprise and leverage to move them around unexpectedly. Confidence, alertness and intention to disarm promote a better end result. And you are again absolutely right - avoiding a retard trap is the best advise.

"I bet you work in a cubicle."

I do. But you're still glorified a dance instructor.

I do.

See? I am good enough to tell why you are a person who lacks imagination and initiative.

But you're still glorified a dance instructor.

But you still work in a cubicle.

And no, I don't know any Kungfu.