you forgot pinko.

Three men in a FEMA labor camp are sitting around the barrel stove one night and the subject of what they are incarcerated for comes up. The first one says: "I am here because I voted for Comrade Obama in 2008." The second one says: "I am here because I voted against Comrade Obama in 2012." The third one says: "I am Comrade Obama."

A Frenchman, a Brit, and an American are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. The Frenchman says, "they must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit." The Englishman says, "clearly they're English. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit." The American notes, "they are American of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise."

A Mick, and Spic and a Wap walk into a bar and beat up the negro.

~~~~ Harry Reid

What, no bubble for "Secret Muslim"?

Today the White House announced that it welcomed letters of complaint to the Obama Administration. All correspondents were required to include their full name, address and next of kin.

Who is a true communist?

He who faithfully reads the works of Marx, Lenin, Mao, Castro, Guevara and Chavez.

Who is a true anti-communist?
He who actually understands them!

Well, Bush was a Putinist and Obama is Hu-ist.

Obama has a visit from a delegation from the US Chamber of Commerce.
They are introduced, they talk to Obama, and then they go, heading off down the White House corridors. Obama starts looking for his cigarettes. He can't find them. He calls in Rahm Emanuel, the diabolical head of his secret police.
"Go after the delegation, and find out which one took my cigarettes," he says. Rahm scuttles off down the corridor with 20 ACORN thugs in tow. Five minutes later Obama finds his cigarettes under a pile of papers. He calls Rahm"Look, I've found my cigarettes." "It's too late," Rahm says, "half the delegation admitted they took your cigarettes, and the other half died during questioning."

A man goes to the doctor for a checkup. After the checkup, the doctor tells the man he has bad news. "You only have six months to live."The man sits for a while thinking, and then says, "There's only one thing I can do, I'm going to become a Communist."The doctor asks,"You've been a patriotic American all your life, why are you going to become a Communist now?"The man says, "Better one of them should die than one of us!"

DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbra Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send audio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.Report

Obama stands outside the gate to Capitalist Hell.

Obama: Before I come in, tell me, what's it like in here?

Gatekeeper: In capitalist hell, we flay you alive, then we boil you alive, then we skin you alive, then we cut you up in little pieces.

Obama: That's terrible. I'm going to check out Communist Hell.

Arriving in Communist Hell.

Gatekeeper: In Communist Hell, we flay you alive, then we boil you alive, then we skin you alive, then we cut you up in little pieces.

Obama: But, that's the same as capitalist hell. How come you have so many people waiting to get in?

Gatekeeper: Well, sometimes we don't have oil, sometimes we don't have knives, sometimes no hot water.

Q: "How many Obama supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?"

Answer 1: "Only one. And Obama is not funny."

Answer 2: "I'm saddened that the lightbulb burned out. This isn't the lightbulb I knew."

Answer 3: "None. President Obama will turn all the burned-out lightbulbs back on after he heals the sick and lowers the oceans."

Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Obama Releases List of Approved Jokes About Himself
Saying he is "sympathetic to late night comedians' struggle to find jokes to make about me," Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) today issued a list of official campaign-approved Barack Obama jokes.

The five jokes, which Sen. Obama said he is making available to all comedians free of charge, are as follows:

Barack Obama and a kangaroo pull up to a gas station. The gas station attendant takes one look at the kangaroo and says, "You know, we don't get many kangaroos here." Barack Obama replies, "At these prices, I'm not surprised. That's why we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil."

A traveling salesman knocks on the door of a farmhouse, and much to his surprise, Barack Obama answers the door. The salesman says, "I was expecting the farmer's daughter." Barack Obama replies, "She's not here. The farm was foreclosed on because of subprime loans that are making a mockery of the American Dream."

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" Barack Obama replies, "His jockey just lost his health insurance, which should be the right of all Americans."

Q: What's black and white and red all over?

Barack Obama: The New Yorker magazine, which should be embarrassed after publishing such a tasteless and offensive cover, which I reject and denounce.

A Christian, a Jew and Barack Obama are in a rowboat in the middle of the ocean. Barack Obama says, "This joke isn't going to work because there's no Muslim in this boat."

Q: What's the main problem with Barack Obama jokes?
A: His followers don't think they're funny and everyone else doesn't think they're jokes.

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate.

Q: Why does Barack Obama oppose the Second Amendment?
A: It stands between him and the First.

At a recent Obama speech there was a guy in the back of the hall screaming anti-American slogans and making hateful racist remarks. They turned the house lights up and it was Reverend Wright.
For a moment Obama thought he was back in church and yelled, "Can I get an amen"?

Q: What's the difference between Rahm Emanuel and a carp?
A: One is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish. Barack Obama: He has what it takes to take what you've got!

Q: What's the difference between Greta Van Susteren and Barack Obama?
A: Greta only talks out of one side of her mouth.

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.

Q: What do Vanilla Ice, Eminem and Barack Obama have in common?
A: They all made careers pretending to be black men.

Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and the typical Obama backer?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.

Obama has ordered GM to come out with a new model called the Pelosi. It's a convertible, but no one wants to see it with the top down.

Q: What's the difference between Simba and Obama?
A: Simba is an African lion while Obama is a lyin' African.

Someone recently wrote, "A joke about Obama on the Letterman show is as likely as a joke about Mohammed in a mosque." If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved? .... America!

Obama's campaign slogan "Yes we can" has become "Yes you will."

Q: What's brown and in your pocket?
A: Obama's hand.

Barack went to the local Ford dealer during the "cash for clunkers" for a trade in.

When he got to the dealership, they told him Michelle was not considered a clunker.

'Is communism a science?'

'No. If it were a science, it would have been tested on dogs first.'

If all countries became socialist, where would we buy grain?

The kind that isn't one.

Under the specified theory of historical materialism between Socialism and Communism the intermediate stage is inevitably-alcoholism.

Of 22 posts, probably 3 of them were not from Stirsumup (who, in the DR tradition I want to rename Stircrazy, though someone must already have done so). I have this to say: With that many jokes, you're bound to come up with a few laughs.

"A Christian, a Jew, and Barack Obama..." is a funny start almost no matter where you go with it. And #2 was pretty impressive.

lonewhackjob-a better question is-have you stopped beating your wife?

It might be a good idea to stop raping your kids too....

One afternoon the socialist leader of country that no longer exists (USSR) was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Pretending to be disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the socialist said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the socialist replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the socialist answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the socialist and said, "Sir, you are too kind."
"Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The socialist replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high!"

STAMP RECALL
The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of politicians on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

How are an apple and politicians alike? They both look good hanging from a tree.

If a republican-socialist and an democrat-socialist were both drowning, and you could only
save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper?

What do you call 25 republican-socialists and democrat-socialists buried up to their chins in cement? Not enough cement.

What do you call skydiving republican-socialists and democrat-socialists?
Skeet.

What do you throw to a drowning politician?
His co-workers.

What's brown and looks really good on a campaigning democrat-socialist or republican-socialist? A Doberman.

What's the difference between a republican-socialists, a democrat-socialist and a mosquito?
One is an insect, the other two are blood-sucking parasites.

Obama stood in at a podium and told the truth to the country.

When he was done he goes up to the first people he sees (a politician and a journalist) and says "I'm a totalitarian socialist and I just told you I plan to destroy your economy. What do you think about that?"

The journalist replies "I don't think, I just write what the politician thinks."

The journalist and the Obama both look at the politician for a response. The politician glances about furtively and says "What would you like me to think about that?"

Two journalists are discussing a glowing article they are writing after just finishing a sit-down interview with a Barack Obama. One reporter asked the other, "Have you read Marx?" The second reporter replies "Yes, they must be from the wicker chairs."

Two IRS agents have just tackled and arrested a tax resister. On the way back in the car one IRS agent asked the other, "Have you read Marx?" The second agent replies "Yes, on my knuckles. I should have worn sap gloves."

Why build up socialism?
It's easier than working.

What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?
In capitalism, man exploits man. In socialism, it's the other way around.

What would happen if a socialist republic were established in the middle of the Sahara desert?
Within three years, it would have to import sand.

*A very old man enters a grocery store and says: "I'd like to buy everything in your store," and puts down a very large amount of money.
Ok, says the shopkeeper, but how will you get it home."
I don't want to take it home," says the man, "I want you to leave it just where it is, and if anybody comes to buy anything, give it to them free."
The shop assistant agrees and the old man sits on a bench outside the store and watches. A few customers go in and come out looking extremely happy. Soon the store is mobbed and within fifteen minutes, it is a pile of rubble. The old man continues to sit on the bench, dirty, but smiling and happy. The ravaged shopkeeper walks up and asks him, "Why did you do it? My shop is a ruin?"
Well, I'm very old, and I know I won't live to see true communism," says the man. "I just wanted to see what communism would look like."

What is the difference between a pessimist and an optimist?

A pessimist says that this Administration is so bad that it could not get any worse, while an optimist knows that it can.

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before,
but had once failed an entire class.
That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.
The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan".
All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A....
After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B.
The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.
As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.
The second test average was a D!
No one was happy.
When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.
The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.
All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

"One afternoon the socialist leader of country that no longer exists (USSR) "

There might have been a decent joke in here, except for the fact the USSR was not socialist but communist. Do you really not know the difference? (There are many resources out there that could help you with this.)

Maoist, 1 votes
Marxist-Leninist, 3 votes
Bukharinist, 0 votes
Trotskyist, 0 votes
Gramscianist, 0 votes
Stalinist, 1 votes
Shachtmanist, 0 votes
LoneWhacko is a Moron, 1 vote

When communists gain power, they almost always fuck over everyone else and run the government for their own gain in pretty much the same fashion a crime family would.

Obama is not like that at all. Like most major American politicians he's a sellout. He'll fuck over everyone but for the gain of the people who bought him.

socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

#36 | Posted by STIRSUMUP

So equal justice and a fair society are not great rewards? No hungry children in the street or miserable poor old folks is not a great reward? No sick or infirm is not a great reward?

Actually, what you are trying to say is that without greed and selfishness, the is no personal gain. That is the system we have.

Did you know that Jonas Salk refused to patent the Polio vaccine because he thought that gaining personally from such an act was immoral?

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before,
but had once failed an entire class.
That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.
The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan".
All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A....
After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B.
The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.
As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.
The second test average was a D!
No one was happy.
When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.
The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.
All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

#36 | Posted by STIRSUMUP

The cows are still my favorite.

"What Does Obama Like About America?

"We know all the things the Obama administration dislikes about America: Banks, business, journalists who ask actual questions, investors, entrepreneurs, unintimidated voters, traditional alliances, military tribunals, Gitmo, the private sector, the middle class, cities that are still thriving, or trying not to turn into Detroit, people who make more than federal workers while working within the private sector, George W. Bush, transparency, capitalism and possibly the rights to free speech, the rights to dissent and tea partiers.

Also, in general, he doesn't seem to like being president, much, and having to do more than look pretty, read the teleprompter spend money and blame Bush.

What does he like about America?"

"What Does Obama Like About America?"

LOL.

That's one of those big thick tomes like:

Polish Wit and Wisdom

and

Great Moments in Negro Yachting

""We know all the things the Obama administration dislikes about America: Banks, business, journalists who ask actual questions, investors, entrepreneurs, unintimidated voters, traditional alliances, military tribunals, Gitmo, the private sector, the middle class, cities that are still thriving, or trying not to turn into Detroit, people who make more than federal workers while working within the private sector, George W. Bush, transparency, capitalism and possibly the rights to free speech, the rights to dissent and tea partiers."

Change a few words and you have what Bush dislikes about America (the ital words are those that stay for the Bush version). What a stupid quote. Yep, I'll defend to the death this guy's (?) right to say shit like this, but I'll call it stupid at the same time.

"That's one of those big thick tomes like:
Polish Wit and Wisdom"

Or Jak Se Mao's Guide to Compassion?