ATTENDED MISSISSIPPI PUBLIC SCHOOLS
#20 | Posted by vernon
"Attended Mississippi public schools," Vermin grunted, as the Taipei gendarme shoved his well-polished mahogany nightstick perilously close to the expat's fat ass which, while momentarily encased -- albeit only momentarily, for the threads kept up a-popping as they surrendered to the inexhorable, minute-by-minute, moment-by-moment production of new fat cells which, joining existing fat cells, caused many of the Chinese with whom he came into contact to call him both behind his horizontally extensive backside as well as to his face (for, contrary to his endless boasting, the expat's linguistic facility in the tongues of English, gibberish, gobbledygook, and jabberwock eluded understanding by all but the terminally conked and a handful of meth tweakers with whom he was wont to spend what he called "quality time") "Fat Ass Little Lice-Bearing Noodle Boy" which, even allowing for certain idiomatic undertones and overtones did not translate into what Vermin thought they were saying --well, the fat ass not so much encased as trapped within his signature black-and-white checkered Pinky Lee pantaloons, perfectly matched by the similarly decorated sartorial excellence of his tattered Pinky Lee jacket and beanie, with the propeller hanging akimbo due to the previous evening's contretemps with the night watchman at the children's reformatory down by the river. "Attended Mississippi public schools," Vermin croaked, as he reached ever so carefully into his jacket and, under the watchful eyes of the justifiably suspicious gendarme, removed and with two stubby fingers stained with nicotine and opium, smelling to the highest of the high heavens of stale Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Spam, Tobasco Sauce, Double Bubble Bubble Gum, and wormwood-laced Kool-Aid, held out for inspection his prized possession: the calculator, on which he proceeded to punch in the numbers he thought necessary to call the U.S. Embassy for assistance.
