Due to the 40 character limit, I couldn't put the follow title:

Dr. Laura: Women share blame for cheating men

I do agree with her. In most cases...

Women do share some of the blame for cheating men.
Men do share some of the blame for cheating women.

When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he's very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs,...


If you love the guy that stuff comes naturally from the woman. One question for husband who gets treated like a king -- how does he treat his wife? Like a queen?
It's a two way street.

Actually I have to agree with this, may I burn in hell, but I know for a fact my husband would never cheat on me, simply put he can't live without me. Me? Well not so much. You always have to look at the wife when a husband strays (and I have been the wife in that story so I know of which I speak)

So, it's always the spouse's fault when the other partner cheats?

So, it was Hillary's fault that Bill cheated on her?

"I would challenge the wife to find out what kind of wife she's being," she said. "Is she being supportive and approving and loving? Is she being sexually intimate and affectionate? Is she making him feel like he's her man? If she's not doing that, then she's contributing to his wrong choice."

Good questions to ask. Also good to ask how the husband is treating his wife?

How about when one spouse trades in the other for a younger, richer, etc. model? Or for a saner, soberer, less abusive model?

"Dr." Laura? You mean the PhD in kinesiolgy? That "Dr."? No one who calls in to her show should be allowed to have children. This shrill (insert "c" word here) is the nadir of American culture and values. Perhaps those nude shots of Miss "I-Never-Trim-My-Pubes" should be posted again. Poor Bill Balance. That he had to look at that nasty slut is a crying shame.

So, it was Hillary's fault that Bill cheated on her?


A popular theory is that it was Hillary's fault that Monica sucked Bill's pickle... she shoulda been down there cock blocking.

Dr. Laura is the shrink that needs one.

Okay....Sounds like a good idea. I hope RCADE forgives me on this one...I am only linking to Yahoo Images. And if a user's Safe Filter is on, the little kiddies'll not see anything.

NO TRIM HERE...MOVE ALONG

Please RCADE, do not shoot the messenger!

Posted by DUMPLING1 at 2008-03-11 09:07 PM

Geeze, I'll bet her son in the military over in Iraq must feel proud seeing
photos of "Mom" all around the barracks.

Of course the personal responsibility for these cheating husbands lay with the wives.

It is only right.

I am only linking to Yahoo Images

I didn't think they had color film at the turn of the century.

Bullshit. If you're married and can't communicate with your wife before cheating, you're an ass. And more than likely cheat at everything in life.

Mohammad would be right there with her. In Islam, a woman's responsibility in marriage is to ensure her husband is satisfied. (Whatever that means.) And Islam is the world's fastest growing religion.

Very true! When I want something, my wife better get it. She has lots more choirs than feeding my 10 coon dogs and sharpening my arrow heads and burning my traps.

When I get up at 4 a.m. for the early hunt I had better have breakfast on the table.

My camo ball cap on my jacked up F350 also better be next to my nightstand when I get up. My prized dog Jake always sits next to me and not her. She also changes my off road lights on top.

Another looking woman? Huh, Around here they weigh at least 300 pounds and have to shave.

townncountry

in islam its also the mans job to be there for sexual needs whenever she wants it.

which is why any intelligent muslim knows that having more then wife is very hard...

imagine 4 girls wanting sex on the same day and they want it multiple times

painful on the penyole

"Islam commands not only the women but the men in this respect, and makes it clear that if a husband is not aware of the urges and needs of his wife, he will be committing a sin by depriving her of her rights."

imagine 4 girls wanting sex on the same day and they want it multiple times
Posted by klifferd

What, 4 minutes out of your day is too much to ask? Selfish bastard. :)

Redneck religion, commands that the woman get the beer out of the fridge. She is also in charge of the kids helping with the homework, cooking, cleaning and groceries.

"Dr. Laura is the shrink that needs one."

Correction, she is NOT a shrink, she is a PHD in Kinesiology. That's a phsycial therapist. She has no more business giving out psychological advice than the prior posters here.

There's a special toadstool in Hades for that wench.

Well, at least Dr. Laura has the character to tell and speak the truth no matter the ill feeling being presented back at her.

Truth hurts sometimes, wish people would stop making excuses.

Or for a saner, soberer, less abusive model?

Posted by Gal_Tuesday at 2008-03-11 08:12 PM | Reply

This describes the situation most guys live with at home when they cheat: insane, drunk and abusive.

Yeah Moneywar, she's the fucking Oracle of Delphi, that one. How about the truth that men that cheat are a-holes and blaming their wives is utter bullshit? How about that truth?

She has no more business giving out psychological advice than the prior posters here.

Posted by Jomama

Agreed. Se Jo, we are somtimes on the same page.

How about the truth that men that cheat are a-holes and blaming their wives is utter bullshit? How about that truth?

Posted by Jomama

Holy fuck...2 in a row. Give em hell Jomama!

Never said it wasn't possible. Not bad for an 8 year old.

Going to Dr. Laura for marital advice is like asking the Flat Earth Society to plot your cruise around the world. herm

Never said it wasn't possible. Not bad for an 8 year old.

Posted by Jomama

LOL! you da man!

;)

Yeah Moneywar, she's the fucking Oracle of Delphi,

****
Dr Laura lives in a cave and inhales toxic fumes? Good call :)

wiz
:)

4 minutes? no. why is that your best time?
;)

the oracle of delphi from 300 would make a hot wife

get on that

4 minutes? no. why is that your best time?
;)

Posted by klifferd

It was last weekend , before I forgot to reset the clock....

300 was one of worst movies I have ever watched. I was so very disapointed when I watched it on Max the other day.

Based on the pictures, did Dr. Laura ever have her husband convicted of that ax attack?

How about the truth that men that cheat are a-holes and blaming their wives is utter bullshit? How about that truth?

----

Do people understand she's not saying they are solely responsible and that this applies to the husband as well if the wife cheats?

Pirate,

No, they don't seem to understand there is a part on both sides, it is beyond their mental ability.

Pretty simple idea, if the men were SEXUALLY satisfied they wouldn't stray.

Pretty simple idea, if the women were sexually satisfied they wouldn't stray.

Although I think it is a little more than sexually satisfied for women but that is a whole other topic.

I think it's unfair to blame the wife. It stigmatizes wives as being less than giving. Most men at the end of their lives will be thankful for being preserved from making these mistakes.
I remember talking with an old guy many years ago and asked him what he liked best about being older. His reply? "It's nice not walking around with a hard-on all the time."

300 was garbage movie and the fact that people actually espouse a likeness for it tells exactly what a sad state America is in.

Right Pirate, she's actually right about that. But you can't blame women for being responsible for anything (when you talk to the PC crowd).

sometimes the woman does share in the blame in their men cheating.

Money, 300 was what it was. I thought it was a not bad movie personally.

I think it's unfair to blame the wife.

I think you should read before you post.

Didn't blame, said share some of the blame.

Or actually, share some of the reason why the stray.

Well, there goes your "personal responsibility". Funny how moral relativism is ok when you want to explain away your shortcomings.

It's simple. A husband and a wife both have certain needs in the relationship. It those needs aren't being met, then they'll be sought elsewhere.

If you make sure your spouse's needs are met (whether it's sex, romance, etc), then you've done your part. If you haven't met their needs, then you are partially to blame if they seek those needs elsewhere.

Jesus Christ $war. You're the kinda guy who'd fuck around on your wife and blame it on Bush.

I have been through this... You *do* have to stop and understand how you contributed to the situation. However, the one that cheats made the decision to cheat and for that they are accountable.

There are some people that cannot be happy in a marriage (or with one partner). It sounds like this guy might have been one of those. After all it now looks like he has been doing this for years.

Someone like this guy with a big ego (at least that is how he is being portrayed) might qualify for someone who would cheat "no matter what".

No wisgod, I am the kind of guy who accepts my part of all the ills of a relationship, I don't cast blame upon someone else to mask the lack of character of being faultless.

Seems you have a difficult time reasoning through what is posted but sure make the character bashing name callin easy.

The one who really messes around by showing ones character is not me.

wisgod's got it. And I'll stick to my comment greaterthanaveragesizejohn.

If anybody wants to be "sexually satisfied" they should not get married. Man, Woman, Straight, Gay.

They still won't be "sexually satisfied", nobody is, but at least they won't screw up a marriage.

Dr. Laura...Laura Ingrham...Ann Coulter...What is it with this Right Wing women, somebody find these women a man, they are in dire need a good screwing. By an By isn't Dr. Laura a know SLUT!!!!!! Just asking!!!!!!!

In this case "dr" laura has a point, but I do wish she'd quit telling people on her radio show she's a "dr" as though it had anything to do with psychology.

Her PhD is in physiology, not psychology.(from Columbia university in 1974. I'm sure it's all up to date knowledge now...lol) She WAS a licensed marriage therapist, but that license has expired...even though she STILL refers to herself as licensed.

What a fraud.

300 was one of worst movies I have ever watched

~Capt O-Face.

300 was garbage movie

~$War.

300 was what it was. I thought it was a not bad movie personally

~Big John '72.

Personally, Spud thought the movie rawked Big Time. Saw it three times in the theatres and have watched another half dozen times since on disc.

It wasn't a documentary it was a comic book brought to life.

Wasn't as good as Sin City but it was up there.

On Topic?

"Doctor" Laura? Spud was listening to her the other day onna radio whilst driving. She's a hardcore biatch who FAILS to listen and to understand the people who call in to her show.

Spud luffs it when she gives out her call in number on the air. She sez... "Call 1 800 D R L A", then she always pauses, "U R A" ...at which point Spud yells at the radio BITCH!.

Very cathartic! Spud highly reccomends.

On this topic she's partially right. If a women thinks it's cool just to stop having sex she shouldn't be suprised if her man goes off and finds it elsewhere. That's just common sense. In her book "The Care and Feeding of Husbands" she makes a point of saying that it's a woman's job to please and sexually satisfy her husband on a regular basis. Of course she never mentions whether the husband should be recipricating this attention to everybody's mutual satisfaction, which makes her basically a psycho version of June Cleaver, in Spud's opinion.

Doctor, sez Spud ironically, Heal Thyself!

The fact that her kid ran away to Iraq to get away from her mania oughta have told her sommat but noooooooo!

She's a mean spirited moron who does way more harm than good.

Be Well.

If you make sure your spouse's needs are met (whether it's sex, romance, etc), then you've done your part. If you haven't met their needs, then you are partially to blame if they seek those needs elsewhere. -- Pirate

Okay, so if I'm the wife, and my needs include spending more money on myself than my husband can afford, I'm justified in cheating on him with a rich guy who buys me stuff?

and my needs include spending more money on myself than my husband can afford

Then the husband is most likely a bit of a dope. Gold diggers are easy to spot early on.

I should know, I've had a few...and half the blame was mine.

It occurs to me that Dr. Laura diagnosing the root cause of every marriage that involves a cheating husband is a little like Bill Frist diagnosing Teri Schiavo without ever setting foot in her hospital room.

Then the husband is most likely a bit of a dope. Gold diggers are easy to spot early on.

I should know, I've had a few...and half the blame was mine.

Straight up, man.

That sounds really ridiculous coming from you.

I should know, I've had a few...

Jesus Fucking Christ.

"Had a few" what?

Stains on the Redbook featuring Anna Nicole in the magazine rack of your Aunt Ginger's guest bathroom?

"Oh Dear. I hope my King Ranch chicken didn't upset little Alex's stomach again!"

"Seems like this happens every time!"

*knock* *knock*

"Alex?"

"Are you okay in there?"

Look, if you get married, it's to honor and respect that person. If your "needs" aren't being met, then fucking have a conversation.
"Honey, remember 10 years ago when you used to blow me? I'd really like that again"
But, the sad reality is that these guys that cheat are too pussy to even talk to their spouse. Whatever happened to give and take? My needs, your needs, lets talk it over. No, it's easier to plop down some cash to some whore that sees you as a mobile ATM and you see her as Ginger Lynn. What a crock.

Pinche- "Had a few" what?

Women. Apparently you had a thing for 'redbook' in high school. The chicks didn't really come along until you could get them drunk, did they? Or was it when daddy signed over your trust fund?

Don't worry, you can always make the women go away with your personality.

Hillary's always been a bitch and hard to get along with...............Bill Clinton

Look, if you get married, it's to honor and respect that person. If your "needs" aren't being met, then fucking have a conversation.
"Honey, remember 10 years ago when you used to blow me? I'd really like that again"
But, the sad reality is that these guys that cheat are too pussy to even talk to their spouse. Whatever happened to give and take? My needs, your needs, lets talk it over. No, it's easier to plop down some cash to some whore that sees you as a mobile ATM and you see her as Ginger Lynn. What a crock.



With this logic, What benefit is there for a successful man to ever get married?" It seems married men end up in the arms of a hooker anyway, why put your assets in danger? Mariage is for those who fear being alone and they will get what they deserve.

What benefit is there for a successful man to ever get married?"

Fres...need to ask Trump or McCartney.

"his wife may share some of the blame."


Read..." MAY "!

Women are her main audience...what is wrong with her giving some heads-up advice to women...to remind them to treat their guy like when they first got married. Sometimes we get so busy ...we do forget.

And it works both ways.

No doubt, a man has only himself to blame for his own actions.

That said, their are many root reasons a guy could cheat. It could be that the wife isn't putting anything into the marriage. I agree, a man has emotional desires that need to be fulfilled, and if a woman is unwilling to give those to her husband he will be tempted to cheat. However, for many, it could be that he is just a selfish asshole. But often, women get into a relationship knowing that the guy is an asshole from the get go. They somehow see that as a challenge to try to change him, and they only later figure out that they can't.

How about the truth that men that cheat are a-holes and blaming their wives is utter bullshit? How about that truth?

Posted by Jomama

Holy fuck...2 in a row. Give em hell Jomama!

Posted by wisgod


Let's see...

Who's right?

Jomama or a respected Dr and author with years and years of experience...

Jomama, how old are you?

"Jomama or a respected Dr and author with years and years of experience..."

Respected??? hahahahahaha.

Good one.

Sometimes a spouse strays because that's just the way he or she is. Sometimes they just want a "taste" of something different. I don't think it has anything to do with loving or not loving the person they're married to. Love is love...and fucking ain't necessarily love.

Btw, Dr. Laura, buy a weed-eater and trim that thing.

In a final appearance with TODAY's Ann Curry and Hoda Kotb, Schlessinger stuck to her guns.

"The point is, what he's done is wrong. The point is, what she's done is wrong," she said. "I have kept marriages together after affairs because I have reminded women that you have the power to turn this around. He had his children with you. He has his future life plans with you, his dreams, his whole mind, body and soul was wrapped up in the promise of you. If you now turn that back on, all that stuff you turned off because I'm busy' or I'm irritated' or I'm annoyed' or I'm self-centered' -- if you turn that around, you have that man back."

She said that there are reasons why men look outside the marriage for sex and companionship.

"I would challenge the wife to find out what kind of wife she's being," she said. "Is she being supportive and approving and loving? Is she being sexually intimate and affectionate? Is she making him feel like he's her man? If she's not doing that, then she's contributing to his wrong choice."

God forbid she make a rational assesment that has a ring of common sense. Nowhere does she blame the women, she simply states the women should look into why they cheated. Instead the story goes to who said what as opposed to what was said. Any bets had Oprah said this it would receive the same crticism?

She's right on this one. It is common sense. Of course some people don't hear what is being said. They hear women are to blame, while she says sometimes they may share the blame

That said, some guys are hard wired that way and will cheat, but I don't think she's talking about those cases.

She's right on this one. It is common sense. Of course some people don't hear what is being said. They hear women are to blame, while she says sometimes they may share the blame

That said, some guys are hard wired that way and will cheat, but I don't think she's talking about those cases.

Posted by bigjohn_1972 at 2008-03-12 11:28 AM |

I can only hope you are referring to Dr. Laura as being right when you say her.

Can you imagine how pissed they would have gotten had she mentioned anything about physical appearences, attitude or anger changes since their wedding day?

Yeah Moneywar, she's the fucking Oracle of Delphi, that one. How about the truth that men that cheat are a-holes and blaming their wives is utter bullshit? How about that truth?


Damn, Jomama, it says they "share" the blame. If a husband cheats you can be damn sure that he isn't getting satisfied in some way. While I agree that it is his fault for not communicating this, at times, it doesn't mean that he is an asshole or a bad person. In many cases it is as simple as the wife not putting out. And don't even try to tell me that doesn't happen in many marriages.

"She's right on this one. It is common sense. Of course some people don't hear what is being said. They hear women are to blame, while she says sometimes they may share the blame"
Posted by bigjohn_1972 at 2008-03-12 11:28 AM

"God forbid she make a rational assesment that has a ring of common sense."
Posted by crispee_oc at 2008-03-12 11:13 AM

YEAH!

If you can first forget that upon a union of marriage, vows are given, vows that equate to an understanding of trust between two people! A Contract!

Now I have never been married in a courthouse so I really don't know the level of commitment required or the wording of this bond of partnership in the eye of the "law". However I do recall what I pledged and committed too when creating this contract of marriage.

It does say: "for Better or Worse"
It does say: "in Sickness and in Health"

It didn't say: until I don't feel like it
And it didn't say: until you don't do for me what I want

So this dumb hag comes out, being of "personal responsibility" wingding mind and body as she is, and excuses ones personal behavior as being dependant on the action of another "person"!
That's just fucking hysterical!

Fact is, people who make oaths of commitments, pacts of partnership, contracts of trust and then break them just have no HONOR plane and simple.

But I can see why the Bush Cult will trumpet this, even though it totally contradicts any notion that they really champion "personal responsibility" and quite frankly exposes their hypocrisy ------- it allows them to excuse themselves from everything and anything their own actions result in!

So this dumb hag comes out, being of "personal responsibility" wingding mind and body as she is, and excuses ones personal behavior as being dependant on the action of another "person"!
That's just fucking hysterical!

What's hysterical is your ability to find some hidden component as a Bush cult in every fucking thread.


Now I have never been married in a courthouse so I really don't know the level of commitment required

That's because it is still illegal to marry your farm animals. Or your relatives.

"She's right on this one. It is common sense. Of course some people don't hear what is being said. They hear women are to blame, while she says sometimes they may share the blame"
Posted by bigjohn_1972 at 2008-03-12 11:28 AM

"God forbid she make a rational assesment that has a ring of common sense."
Posted by crispee_oc at 2008-03-12 11:13 AM

YEAH!

I wonder how this defense would fly with the wingdings if say an employee, after agreeing on a contractual agreement with their employer, decided that the employer wasn't "putting out" to the degree the employee was expecting, so the employee goes out and on the side and poaches a few of the employers clients!

I wonder if they would accept this argument that "sometimes they may share the blame" that the employee wasn't getting what was expected so its OK they got a little action on the side (at the expense of the other contract holder)!

Personally, it would fly with me (being an employer) ---- but then again im no Bush Cultists and therefore still have some scruples!

it would fly = it wouldnt fly

I've watched this thread and read some of the comments. I don't see enough that completely repudiate the ridiculous comments of "Dr." Laura.
I don't really think that a connection between the sex life shared by husbands and wives with the urge for the husband to cheat (or the wife either for that matter). The wife (or husband) may or may not be neglecting her partner but cheating is not necessarily related. I think most people cheat for reasons other than simple sexual gratification. Often it is to prove to themselves that they are still attractive, reassurances from their spouses doesn't necessarily convince many people.
I would love to watch a conversation between "Dr." Laura and either Hilary Clinton or Mrs. Spitzer.
I would just love to see their reaction to her stupid assertion that their husband's cheating is somehow their fault. It is typical of the reactionary nonsense espoused by this self-appointed "expert" on marriage, family, ethics, etc.

Next thing you know this idiot will be claiming that a battered woman brought it upon herself, or a rape victim shares the blame because she wore a short skirt.

What's hysterical is your ability to find some hidden component as a Bush cult in every fucking thread.
Posted by crispee_oc at 2008-03-12 12:12 PM





YEAH!

Sean Hannitittie had her on at great length to explain to his Bushista following how a Mans "Personal Responsibility" and how he conducts himself really depends on what their wives do!

Not so hidden in fact!

I would just love to see their reaction to her stupid assertion that their husband's cheating is somehow their fault. It is typical of the reactionary nonsense espoused by this self-appointed "expert" on marriage, family, ethics, etc.

Posted by danni at 2008-03-12 12:18 PM

Instead you rely on the likes of Oprah who has never been married. BTW I bet you never blamed yourself for how your marriage turned out did you? The only ones being reactionary are those who want to slay the messenger and ignore the message.

I don't really think that a connection between the sex life shared by husbands and wives with the urge for the husband to cheat (or the wife either for that matter). The wife (or husband) may or may not be neglecting her partner but cheating is not necessarily related. I think most people cheat for reasons other than simple sexual gratification.
Posted by danni at 2008-03-12 12:18 PM

You are right, but I don't think that is what she is saying. It isn't all about sexual gratification, but treating your husband like a king and he treating you like a queen.

I would like to put perspective into the myth of the blameless victim. If I go into a tough black neighborhood that has a lot of black gang bangers and start throwing around a bunch of n-bombs, it is well within my freedom of speech rights. But if I get the shit kicked out of me for doing so, am I entirely blameless? I think not.
That reasoning extends outward.

I wonder how this defense would fly with the wingdings if say an employee, after agreeing on a contractual agreement with their employer, decided that the employer wasn't "putting out" to the degree the employee was expecting, so the employee goes out and on the side and poaches a few of the employers clients!

----

Now, that is some twisted thinking.

I should add to my post above, there are blameless victims, but it is a myth that victims are always blameless.

Sure Crispee, typical Republican reaction.....when caught cheating blame the wife.....when their policies screw up the nation....blame Clinton.

Always looking for someone, other than themselves, to blame.

The thing is the cheating husband has other options if he feels neglected.
He can do anything from talk to his wife, to seek counseling, to walk out of the relationship, he can ask for a divorce. Cheating is simply not an option and it is a choice made by that one partner and thus the other partner is not, not even partially, responsible for that choice. You can't be responsible for a decision you had no part in.

You are right, but I don't think that is what she is saying. It isn't all about sexual gratification, but treating your husband like a king and he treating you like a queen.

----

Yep, you don't stop courting after you're already married.

Sure Crispee, typical Republican reaction.....when caught cheating blame the wife.....when their policies screw up the nation....blame Clinton.

Always looking for someone, other than themselves, to blame.

Posted by danni at 2008-03-12 12:29 PM


I notice you didn't take any blame for your marriage. But what do you expect from a lib like yourself. Blame everything and everyone except you and your party.

Cheating is simply not an option and it is a choice made by that one partner and thus the other partner is not, not even partially, responsible for that choice. You can't be responsible for a decision you had no part in.

----

A lot of cheating isn't with a hooker or a one night stand. Some people fall in love with another person because their current spouse isn't giving them the attention they need.

If my wife craves romance and I don't give it to her, then she meets some guy who flirts with her and swoons her. If she cheats on me with this guy, then it is partially my fault because I didn't give her the romance she was craving.

"If she cheats on me with this guy, then it is partially my fault because I didn't give her the romance she was craving."

No, it would be partially your fault if she decided to leave you to be with the other man.
It is not your fault that she would choose to lie to you and cheat on you behind your back.

It is two seperate things.
One is that "she" feels disatisfied which you could bare some blame for.
The other is "her" choice to lie and cheat, which you are not, in any way, responsible for.

I think most people cheat for reasons other than simple sexual gratification.

----

Men do need sexual gratification. There's a billion dollar porn industry because of it.

No, it would be partially your fault if she decided to leave you to be with the other man.
It is not your fault that she would choose to lie to you and cheat on you behind your back.

----

There are stages. Romance and love leads to sex.

I'm telling you what happened to my best friend when his wife cheated on him.

He worked long hours and was always tired and grouchy when he was home. She had a husband but not a romance.

She had another friend who gave her the romance. They took it to the next level which was sex.

"Men do need sexual gratification. There's a billion dollar porn industry because of it."
Posted by Pirate at 2008-03-12 12:52 PM


YEAH!

And next on Dr Wingding;

Porn ---- and how it makes men undisciplined! A story of a Copout!

OK, he was responsible for neglecting her and she had choices about how to deal with it. Cheating was her choice, that was not his fault. She lied to him, she bares 100% of the responsiblity for that. She does not necessarily though bare the full responsiblity for their ruined marriage. I'm just saying that cheating is a choice and the cheater bares the full responsiblity if that is what they choose to do.

Btw, Dr. Laura, buy a weed-eater and trim that thing.

FF fer AllieKat!

Ty Spud. In my experience, a guy doesn't like to crawl through the bush to enjoy a picnic.

Danni, but for his lackadaisical approach to marriage she would not have strayed.

See, I through that 'but for' in there for the legal jargon effect. That is used to determine partial fault in accidents and claims. There is a partial responsibility for that situation.

Face it folks, Dr. Laura is a female misogynist. Women shouldn't have jobs and are responsible when their husbands fuck around on them. If you fall for her crapola, then good luck to you.

Cheating was her choice, that was not his fault.

----

Do a degree it was. Who's more likely to cheat: A spouse who is getting their needs or one who isn't?

It's really about negligence. He neglected to meet her needs which increased the chances of her cheating. He is responsible for that increased chance. He was not ultimately responsible but did contribute through negligence. That negligence did have a factor and that's why he is to share some of the blame.

That's one of the reasons why they are still together 8 years later.

If needs are met and the spouse still cheats, it's on them.

If needs are not met and the spouse cheats, they are both to blame to varying degrees.

Sorry Pirate but we are all responsible for our own choices, we can't shift blame onto those who "neglected" us or otherwise "caused" us to cheat. If a husband or wife is that unhappy within the marriage they know that there are ways of dealing with it other than cheating. If they choose to cheat they make that decision alone and are entirely responsible for it. It's sort of funny seeing Dr. Laura take the position she did considering conservatives' opposition normally to "relative morality." Perhaps it is a new tactic to alleviate them from the guilt over Iraq, those of us who opposed the invasion are really partially responsible because we didn't entice the neocons to ignore Cheney.

"Sorry Pirate but we are all responsible for our own choices, we can't shift blame onto those who "neglected" us or otherwise "caused" us to cheat." -Danni

Certainly, we are responsible for our own choices. If a woman chooses not to give her man what he needs, however, then this still applies. It can, therefore, be the fault of both parties. Blame is always on the man in this circumstance, but it can also be do to the choices of the woman.

we can't shift blame onto those who "neglected" us or otherwise "caused" us to cheat.

----

You can be successfully sued for negligence. You cause a car accident because of negligence. If you neglect a pet, it suffers. So does a marriage.

Who is more likely to cheat?

A) A spouse who is getting their needs met

B) A spouse who is not getting their needs met

"Who is more likely to cheat?"

And Pirate, I really do believe this, the person most likely to cheat is one that allows themself to lie and cheat. I honestly never cheated in relationships though they were certainly not good relationships but that was not how I thought I was raised. "Thought I was raised".....very religious with Catholic belief in the permanency and sacredness of marriage...only to find out my Dad cheated all the time. Sorry, no excuses work for me, he was wrong for it no matter if my mom "satisfied" him or not. I honestly do not believe cheating is really caused by uncontrollable need for sexual satisfaction, I think it is really a person putting their own selfish needs before their partner's need to know the truth. They want their cake and they want to eat it too.

"I honestly do not believe cheating is really caused by uncontrollable need for sexual satisfaction" -Danni

It's not usually about sexual satisfaction, per se. It's about feeling loved. If a wife doesn't make her husband feel loved, he'll try to find something that makes him feel good about himself. Often that relates to sex, because for men psychologically, love and sex are almost the same feeling. Most men need sex to feel loved. Where as for women love and sex are psychologically two completely different ball fields.

Danni, you are being a bit one sided in this.

If a marriage is going great, there is less chance of cheating (for both men and women). If the man or woman is being neglectful, then they bare part of the responsibility because of that neglect. If they weren't neglectful, there may have never been cheating. See, it's cause and effect.

If a man stays in a relationship with a woman that's abusive, a woman that beats him and calls him names, it's his fault for staying in that relationship, even though he is being victimized.

I don't believe anyone is saying it's the womens fault in entirety, the men aren't at fault at all. I don't believe that is what is being said. What is being said is that in some instances the women bares partial responsibility.

If your child is a f'up and breaks into a car, it is partially your fault since you raised the bastard!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not excusing cheating.

I think cheating is a symptom of an unhappy marriage, generally speaking. An unhappy marriage is one where marital needs are not getting met. Why would I go after another person if all my needs are being met at home? What can they offer me that I don't already have?

My responsibility as a husband it make sure my wife's marital needs are getting met. If they aren't, then I am failing as a husband. We both have to honestly communicate our needs to each other and whether or not they are getting met. It's my wife's responsibility to make sure my needs are getting met.

There will be cases where the person will cheat regardless. They are solely responsible for that. However, if my spouse cheated on me, I have to ask myself if I did anything to contribute to the problem. Sometimes, the answer will be yes. That doesn't mean I'm fully responsible...just partially. I can't contribute to the problem and not be partially responsible.

There's some truth to what Dr. Laura says, but the fact is men are not by nature monogamous. Monogamy is strickly a cultural construction that helps stabilize a complex society.

Really we are arguing semantics.

I'm arguing that "cheating" is the responsiblity of the "cheater."

You are arguing that "neglect" damages the marriage which I agree, it does.

My point though is that it still does not excuse "cheating."
Divorce is the approved remedy.
Or counseling. Or talking.

A decision made by one partner can't be the responsiblity of the other partner no matter how "neglectful" she/he was.

It's not usually about sexual satisfaction, per se. It's about feeling loved. If a wife doesn't make her husband feel loved, he'll try to find something that makes him feel good about himself. Often that relates to sex, because for men psychologically, love and sex are almost the same feeling. Most men need sex to feel loved. Where as for women love and sex are psychologically two completely different ball fields.

----

My wife has already said if guys would watch more chick flicks with them, they would get some more. Women love to be romanced. The more they are romanced, the more sex the guys get. Everybody's happy!

It doesn't excuse cheating but does help contribute to it.

About "Dr." Laura: The last PhD kinesthesiologist I heard of was that knuckle-balling LA Dodger relief pitcher who wrote a book setting himself up as more brilliant than his peers. "Dr." Laura no doubt took a page from his book.

As an aside, probably a repeat from other threads I haven't bothered to read: Isn't it a shame, and isn't it curious, that the only things they can nail Democrats on is sexual improprieties (Clinton, Spitzer) while Repubs screw the entire nation with impunity? herm

Oh yeah... if that cute girl in computer operations corners me in the supply room I am definitely blaming my wife... she has the obligation to keep me soooo satisfied that I can't even get a boner...

come on!

really?

I have cheated on my girlfriend 3 times and got caught each time. She stays with me becuase she only suspects something but has no proof about any occurance.

truthfully though, she drives me to it. She will not do oral sex and when she does, it is terrible. She hates me seeing her naked, secure issue or not, she needs to show it. Every man wants to look at the booty every once in a while.
And, she sleeps a lot. Drives me crazy.

Now, you say, if it that bad why not leave her. WEll, we have a daughter and I think my daughter is more important than my own happness right now. Sounds crazy to some but, whatever.

So, the doc is right. It's not right but women can chase a man to cheating. Many songs have said it, treat him right or another woman will.

Some guy should call Dr. Laura and tell her that he is cheating on his wife because his wife is neglecting his needs and that he appreciates Dr. Laura's help in diminishing his feelings of guilt.

"Thanks Dr. Laura, I felt terrible about cheating on my wife but you helped me understand it was really her fault."

Dr. Laura should be proud of the cheating that will now be ok because of those horrible neglectful wives.

"I have cheated on my girlfriend 3 times and got caught each time. She stays with me becuase she only suspects something but has no proof about any occurance."

No, she stays because she doen't really respect herself and realize she deserves to be treated better. You sound like a real creep. I hope she reads your post and leaves you for good.

WEll, we have a daughter and I think my daughter is more important than my own happness right now.

Apparently not. If it were then you wouldn't be cheating.

I want to retract my last post. that is clearly judging you because of your mistakes.

I don't want to do that. I think you have made some mistakes but it isn't fair to claim you don't care about your daughter if you are cheating. You aren't even married which is another subject altogether anyway.

Unbelievable! Are some of you still living in the dark ages?

Each person is responsible for their own actions - decisions - responsibilities - etc.

PERIOD!

Even the thought of women being responsible for a man's actions is Medieval thinking.

And vice-versa.

Danni and Eberly

what does me being a creep has to do with anything? Men cheat and cheat for different reasons but some men cheat for reasons they can't explain. The point in anything is to be happy, sometimes at any expense. Sure, feelings get hurt but that's just temporary. Men and women have to be happy or they will die miserable.

My girlfriend sees a bigger picture than just another dog guy screwing around on her. The fact that a child is involved places her in adifficult situation. She loves me, she loves our diahguter and she wants our family to stay together. We are working to make that happen, so to me that places her above most women out there. No security issues for her.

the story I told about my cheating is past tense, no longer cheating becuase I knew what I was doing to the family, no matter that she did not know. But my point telling the story was that the woman has got to work at keeping her man happy and vice versa but the bible does state that a woman's main responsibility is to take care of her man. So dont be mad at me-and dont be mad at Dr. Laura-be mad a t the bible.

Also, how many of you that are outraged are women and how many are men? Statistically, a majority number of people with partners have chaeted. I would bet that the judges here have cheated before.

the bible does state that a woman's main responsibility is to take care of her man.

----

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the bible also states that the husband should love his wife like Christ loved the church. That means to put her needs ahead of yours and her life ahead of yours. That is the definition of love...putting another person ahead of yourself.

"I would bet that the judges here have cheated before."

I thought everyone was all for "experience"

So dont be mad at me-and dont be mad at Dr. Laura-be mad a t the bible.

Posted by upsetcitizen at 2008-03-12 04:02 PM

The only one mad at you is the one who won't take blame for her failed marriage. Hence you and any man who cheats are creeps.

Danni, funny you mention that. She's talked before about how when husbands hit wives, it's because the wives "provoked it". When she started doing that, I began to lose respect for her (yes, I'm a former fan).

My wife has already said if guys would watch more chick flicks with them, they would get some more. Women love to be romanced. The more they are romanced, the more sex the guys get. Everybody's happy!

Posted by Pirate at 2008-03-12 02:39 PM | Reply

I'd recommend chick flicks ..... and wine.

Especially wine.

I think it is really a person putting their own selfish needs before their partner's need to know the truth. They want their cake and they want to eat it too.

Posted by danni at 2008-03-12 02:19 PM | Reply

IMHO:

The bottom line is, people want to feel like hot shit from time to time. An affair allows that to happen, at least temporarily. I think the only difference between cheaters and non-cheaters is that non-cheaters look one step beyond the potential act and see the ramifications -- the hurt, the anger, the distrust, etc. Then they make a decision whether to stay in a bad relationship or to try to improve it (rather than have their cake and eat it, too). "Do unto others ...." really applies here.

UPSETCITIZEN sorry I called you a creep. From what your last post says you are trying to build a life for yourself and your family. Good luck with that, I hope your girlfriend is trying to do better too.
I think lots of people have made a mistake or two, learning from them and not repeating them is real progress. That is not the case for lots of people though, they just repeat patterns. It is hard to break out of a pattern but when you do things really can be better.

ok people i dont see why this is sooo hard. If you like gettign BJs, then date or marry a woman who like BJs, same goes with Anal, costume play, Dom/Sub play, ect ect. The person who goes and cheats in a relation ship is the ONLY one to blame. It is called self controll people. When my girlfriend is on the rag I manage to be fine for week with no sex. I dont become some slobbering degenerate who MUST get his dick wet. Seriuosly, "blame the wife"? Lets tell some Holocoust jokes while we are at it.

Any long term personal relationship involves many complexities. Also, no two relationships are the same. Mutual understandings, mutual agreements and mutual taboos differ from one relationship to the next.
Personal responsibility, honesty, and plain old common decency should make it clear that one partner should never willfully engage in any activity which causes the other partner emotional pain. It goes along with being a mature adult.
Unfortunately, many people lack self control, or are involved in a relationship that they don't highly value in the first place. My advice to such people is either grow up, or have the common sense to openly and honestly discuss your issues with your partner. Sneaking around and cheating is garbage no matter how one rationalizes it. Placing blame on the other partner is pathetic.

Dr. Laura is an idiot, I see where she's coming from though. A good friend of mine has this problem, his wife seems to think she has a glorified doggie treat between her legs. She likes to use it to make him sit, stay, speak, roll over, play dead, all that chit. The dear lady needs to understand, and a lot of others do as well, that most guys don't need a map to find it, all women pretty much tend to keep it in the same place. ;)

Lying and cheating seems to be our society's norm. I remember at age 20/21 in Vietnam listening to a SSgt bragging about his girlfriend 'down town' back home and how if his wife ever found out she would 'kill' him. Later in conversation when I mentioned about my girl and I swinging with other couples he accused me of being 'sick'. MEMO FOR RECORD: Cheating and lying okay/acceptable - open and honest: not.

Too many times over the years I've met those who bragged about their cheating, just shook my head and walked away.

"A good friend of mine has this problem, his wife seems to think she has a glorified doggie treat between her legs."

So, why does he stay with her??? Why wait until he feels compelled to "cheat"???? People pretend that they are victims of their spouses when they choose freely to be with them and stay by their own free choice too. Most people would not blame your friend for dumping this woman, but they will blame your friend later if he stays yet cheats.

Here's the deal (like it or not) if you're interested in a successful marriage--let me repeat, because there seems to be some intelligence and independent thinking lacking on this site of mental giants...if one is interested in a successful marriage, (and assuming both parties are decent rational people)then it is most conducive to said desire if the husband is the only working spouse and the wife is the primary--not sole--primary nurturer of the family unit (i.e. children and household)

Now I know that's going to get all of you "progressive" thinkers panties in a bind, but you can't deny nature (we'll I guess you can if you think it's attractive to see a man crying like a sissy, or a woman slinging a shovel like Butch on the road crew): woman have tits and estrogen because they were designed by our creator to be the nurturers and it is the very reason both genders don't have those body parts. The sexes are different because they have different assignments--that's it.

Modern society has turned those gender roles upside down. If it hadn't, then husbands would be the only spouse working and wives would still be home raising the kids and not too tired tend to their husbands needs after work.

But because of the militant feminist movement and lazy, weak, and irresponsible men who neglected to take care of their families, modern society has created a fuzzy and diluted picture of gender roles in modern civilization.

Again, this only applies if one is interested in a successful marriage and both spouses are sane, loving and reasonable.

So when Dr. Laura says, with the caveat the man is decent and loving and responsible to his wife and family, the wife is PARTLY to blame she is dead-on.

I invite all guilt-ridden working moms, angry feminists, and emasculated men to reply now.

"So, why does he stay with her???"

Well we are only talking about a couple, maybe a few, hundred thousand dollars worth of assets that he could kiss goodbye on account of her not wanting to take her pants off, or he can just look elsewhere. I'm sure you will say you would just give her your life's savings and everything you had worked for up untill that point, it's easy to say that when it's not you.