XXXXX DRUDGE RETORT XXXXX 16:51:18 UTC MON SEP 29 2003 XXXXX

It's a Grand Old Fag: Gen. Clark Tried Rear-Guard Maneuver!

By Jonathan Bourne
***Must credit the DRUDGE RETORT***

Impacting hard this morning is a story about Gen. Wesley Clark's attempt last year to switch teams.

After QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY attacked America, retired Gen. Clark thought the Gay Mafia would invite him to join its team.

After all, he'd been a career military man -- a general respected for the way he treated his privates. But when gay friends inquired, they were told: Forget it.

Word was that David Geffen, the Gay Mafia's political mastermind, had blocked the idea. Clark was furious.

Last January, at a conference in West Hollywood, he happened to chat with two prominent "members," Elton John and Mike Piazza. "I would have been gay," Clark told them, "if David Geffen had returned my phone calls!"

Soon thereafter, in fact, Clark quit his day job and began seriously planning to enter BOY MEETS BOY -- as a homosexual.

[As an aside: Franklin is straight? You gotta be kidding me, girlfriend.]

The DRUDGE RETORT has learned that Clark is engaging in a multiple flank assault on the truth. A log of phone calls placed to Geffen shows the general never gave him a ringy-dingy.

"I've never been called by Gen. Clark," Geffen told a DRUDGE RETORT reporter on the phone who impersonated longtime friend Fran Lebowitz. "During that period, the only Beltway calls I got were from John Kasich, Mark Foley and Jim Kolbe."

Messaging NEWSWEEK by BlackBerry, a chat device well-suited to same sex assignations, Clark late last week insisted the remark was a "humorous tweak."

The two others said it was anything but. "He went into detail about his grievances," Piazza said. "Clark wasn't joking. We were really shocked."
 

© DRUDGE RETORT 2003