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XXXXX DRUDGE RETORT XXXXX 19:46:14 UTC THU FEB 24 2000 XXXXX McCain Licks Bush!
By Jonathan Bourne The Republican primary was turned upside-down Tuesday when Senator John McCain licked Bush in both Michigan and Arizona. While some pundits were outright stunned at McCain's performance, others closer to the senator were not surprised at all. "Throughout our 10-year marriage, I have always known that John could lick Bush," said McCain's wife Cindy. "And when he made the decision to go across this country licking Bush, I was the first one to support him." Many doubted whether the 64-year-old McCain still had the ability to lick Bush. "So much has changed since John first began his crusade," Carol Shepp, McCain's first wife, told the DRUDGE RETORT on condition that her name would not be used. "When we first got married 24 years ago, I knew that licking Bush would never be a problem for John -- if and when he decided to do it," Carol Shepp said. "But let's face it," Carol Shepp continued, "a lot can happen in a few decades. People change. And things that were once easy to do become difficult with age." Still, Carol Shepp added, "Even though we may no longer be married or even in love, I will always maintain that John McCain is the best Bush-licker in the race today." Some angry conservatives claim that McCain's triumphs in Michigan and Arizona had less to do with his success than with his opponent's failure. "McCain didn't lick Bush," said an angry and bitter Ann Coulter, "Bush licked himself." A wistful Arianna Huffington replied, "If only it were that easy ..." Will McCain go all the way? Or will he go down on Super Tuesday? The final word goes to Cindy McCain: "My husband chartered a bus and swore to lick Bush in every state in this union, and believe me, I'll continue to stay on top of him making sure he lives up to that promise." © DRUDGE RETORT 2000 |