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XXXXX DRUDGE RETORT XXXXX 13:43:36 UTC FRI AUG 6 1999 XXXXX Take That, 'Blair Witch' -- Zapruder Film Earns $16 million At One Screen!
By Jonathan Bourne Now that arbitrators have ruled that the U.S. government must pay the heirs of Abraham Zapruder $16 million for film that captured the assassination of President Kennedy, the Zapruders have decided to market the film. But before they package the most infamous 26 seconds of film since less-than-a-minuteman Tommy Lee's performance with Pamela Anderson, the Zapruders will "modernize" the footage. Critics were already bristling at the very notion of Zapruder's heirs marketing the horrifically tragic moment in Dallas on October 22, 1963. In order to make the video "more appealing to a younger audience," the Zapruders hired Tad Lowe and Woody Thompson of Spin The Bottle Inc. to transform the historic film into a POP-UP VIDEO.
"It’s beyond insensitive," choked Sen. Ted Kennedy. "My brother was a great man, and to release such a tape diminishes the great many things and people he did." MTV has been airing portions of the ZAPRUDER POP-UP VIDEO between ROAD RULES and DARIA to positive overnight ratings. Media expert Marshall McLuhan told the DRUDGE RETORT, "Younger viewers have become desensitized by MTV's cinema verité program THE REAL WORLD, and the ZAPRUDER POP-UP VIDEO offers viewers a chance to experience something realer. The realest, actually." When reached for comment, MTV Executive Vice President Brian Graden responded, "I can’t believe Jennifer Love Hewitt is dating Carson Daly. I mean, he's a VJ. She knows that, right? I just can't believe it." Despite its incendiary nature, sales of ABRAHAM ZAPRUDER SHOOTS PRESIDENT KENNEDY have been brisk in its first week, outselling this month's second-most popular new title, PAMELA LEE FUCKS A SALAD. Developing... © DRUDGE RETORT 1999 |
