You Can Run, But You Can't Hyde -- Here's the 81 questions!

XXXXX DRUDGE RETORT XXXXX 11:51:58 UTC MON NOV 09 1998 XXXXX

DRUDGE RETORT
Mon Nov 09 1998 11:51:58 UTC

In the most sexually charged government document released in at least eight weeks, Judiciary Committee Chairman Henry Hyde has sent President Clinton a list of 81 yes-no questions. Beltway insiders say that the Q&A about the president's T&A will determine whether Congress proceeds any further in its impeachment inquiry.

The DRUDGE RETORT acquired the questions Sunday evening [thanks, Newt!].

If Hyde receives the answers from the White House, he will tally up all the "no" responses and multiply the total by 1.23. Scores below 30 indicate that the high crimes and misdemeanors standard has been met and Tipper Gore should start calling decorators. Anything above 75 is a sure sign that the president had someone else fill out the questionnaire for him.

The questions:

(A "MOS" is a Member of the Opposite Sex.)

1. Have you ever had a date?
2. Have you ever been out on a date past 4 a.m.?
3. Have you ever kissed a MOS?
4. Have you ever kissed a MOS in the horizontal position?
5. Have you ever kissed a MOS in the last three months?
6. Have you ever been French kissed?
7. Have you ever had or given a hickey?
8. Have you ever necked?
9. Have you ever seen a naked post-pubescent MOS?
10. Have you ever been seen naked by a MOS after puberty?
11. Have you ever seen a stripper?
12. Have you ever had an orgasm?
13. Have you ever had an erection, clitoral erection?
14. Have you ever been engaged or married?
15. Have you ever read a pornographic book or magazine?
16. Have you ever seen a pornographic movie?
17. Have you ever used alcohol to lower a MOS's resistance?
18. Have you ever massaged, been massaged by a MOS?
19. Have you ever caressed or kissed a MOS's thigh?
20. Have you ever fondled a girl's breast, had your breasts fondled?
21. Have you ever fondled a MOS's butt?
22. Have you ever fondled a MOS's genitals?
23. Have you ever had your genitals fondled?
24. Have you ever had an orgasm due to manipulation by a MOS?
25. Have you ever manipulated a MOS to orgasm?
26. Have you ever showered bathed, jacuzzied or saunaed with a MOS?
27. Have you ever gone coed skinny-dipping?
28. Have you ever undressed or been undressed by a MOS?
29. Have you ever had sexual intercourse?
30. Have you ever had sexual intercourse more than ten times?
31. Have you ever had sexual intercourse with a virgin?
32. Have you ever had sexual intercourse outdoors?
33. Have you ever had sexual intercourse three or more times in one night?
34. Have you ever had sexual intercourse in three or more positions?
35. Have you ever had sexual intercourse in a car?
36. Have you ever had sexual intercourse with two MOSes within 24 hours?
37. Have you ever had sexual intercourse during menstruation?
38. Have you ever had sexual intercourse at the MOS's parents' house?
39. Have you ever had sexual intercourse with 3 or more people separately?
40. Have you ever had sexual intercourse continuously for 1/2 hour?
41. Have you ever had sexual intercourse within the last three months?
42. Have you ever had anal intercourse?
43. Have you ever purchased contraceptives?
44. Have you ever (arranged, had), an abortion?
45. Have you ever traveled over 100 miles for the sole purpose of intercourse?
46. Have you ever described a sexual experience to a third party?
47. Have you ever spent the night in a MOS's room?
48. Have you ever slept with a MOS?
49. Have you ever committed statutory rape?
50. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute or a pimp?
51. Have you ever accepted?
52. Have you ever engaged in cunnilingus?
53. Have you ever engaged in fellatio?
54. Have you ever done 69?
55. Have you ever tasted semen?
56. Have you ever masturbated?
57. Have you ever masturbated with another person in the room?
58. Have you ever masturbated to a picture?
59. Have you ever been caught masturbating?
60. Have you ever watched another person masturbate?
61. Have you ever simulated intercourse with an inanimate object?
62. Have you ever been propositioned by a homosexual?
63. Have you ever accepted?
64. Have you ever picked up a strange MOS for sexual purposes?
65. Have you ever had a V.D. test?
66. Have you ever had V.D.?
67. Have you ever committed an act of exhibitionism (moon, streak, flash)?
68. Have you ever engaged in intercourse in a public place?
69. Have you ever engaged in intercourse with an unconscious person, while conscious?
70. Have you ever impregnated a woman, been pregnant?
71. Have you ever committed incest?
72. Have you ever engaged in group sex?
73. Have you ever fondled a pre-pubescent MOS when your were post-pubescent?
74. Have you ever engaged in transvestitism for sexual enjoyment?
75. Have you ever been masturbated by a member of the same sex?
76. Have you ever orally stimulated a member of the same sex?
77. Have you ever engaged in bondage?
78. Have you ever engaged in sadomasochism for sexual enjoyment?
79. Have you ever committed an act of voyeurism?
80. Have you ever visited an orgy parlor?
81. Have you ever committed bestiality?

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