|
XXXXX DRUDGE RETORT XXXXX 05:59:47 UTC THU AUG 6 1998 XXXXX Kaplan to Greenfield: 'Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace'!
DRUDGE RETORT "Take a stand or take a walk!" This was the ultimatum delivered by still-freshman-year CNN President Rick Kaplan to Jeff Greenfield last month, immediately followed by Jeff's two-week unpaid "vacation." When Greenfield returns on Sunday night to host NEWSSTAND: CNN & TIME, he's under orders to repair the reputation for rampant thoughtfulness and caution he has acquired in eight months at the net. "I call this a wait-loss program," Kaplan quipped to a colleague outside a CNN Center washroom stall inhabited by the DRUDGE RETORT. "If I hear one more comment from Jeff to wait until the facts are in, he'll be waiting in an unemployment line." SIDE: Lay off the leafy vegetables, Rick! Your emissions are in clear violation of the Clean Air Act of 1990... A former CNN employee, who we'll call "April O," e-mailed the inside story to the RETORT: Kaplan has been fuming for months over Greenfield's refusal to speculate about President Clinton's possible impeachment, the subsequent GOP takeover of both houses of Congress or the landslide victory of the Kemp/Buchanan ticket in the year 2000 election. Types April: "It was a real black eye over there, and I'm not talking about Bernard Shaw, when FOX NEWS scooped us by 45 minutes with speculation that the Lewinsky incident might lead to the president's spiraling descent into drugs, unprotected sex and profligate pari-mutuel gambling." Pause. Greenfield has apparently taken his Kapitan's advice, if upcoming coverage on NEWSSTAND: CNN & TIME is any indication. This Sunday's topic: "NAUGHTY BY NATURE: President Clinton and the Doctrine of Original Sin." The mensch makeover could even extend to Greenfield's name itself. At his own expense, the bespectacled pundit is testing new first names before focus groups in Minneapolis and Yorba Linda, Calif. "'Jeff' tests very poorly with soccer moms and uncircumsized males under 25 from single-parent homes," a researcher told a DRUDGE RETORT reporter pretending to be CNN Washington bureau chief Frank Sesno. "Currently, we're seeing the best numbers with 'Jeremy', 'Mac' and 'Mac Daddy'." FOOTNOTE: If the change ankles and there's any temptation to use the "only following orders" defense, two words of advice from cyberspace to Mac Daddy: Remember My Lai. © DRUDGE RETORT 1998 |